Jessica Goldstein: In Memoriam

Though it may be a little gratuitous, with the recent passing of my esteemed mentor and teacher, Jessica Goldstein, I have been thinking a lot about high school and some of those lost memories. So, here's a short introspective.

High school sometimes seems like a blur - ugly smells from the cafeteria, consistently awkward schedule changes, and the occasional detention with Ms. Lee (which didn't really seem like a punishment). I remember that many classes made me scream; even if I was with friends, even if I liked the teacher, even if I thought the material was easy. Theater class, however, was not like that. I never dreaded going into that strange octagonal room that Goldstein fondly named her "bat cave." It had a special brand of crazy that I knew how to handle.

I was a quiet girl who didn't speak up in French class and who wore baggy black clothing outside of theater class. There I was loud. In charge. Encouraged to take risks, even if that meant doing something as wacky as putting a plastic chicken on my head and running about as a spirit from the dead. For all the years that I did high school theater, Goldstein was the woman who gave us a rueful "you kids" smile and let us press on.

A lot of us flocked to theater as an elective that was easy or we knew how to do; there was the standard motley crew of acting kids and techies, overconfident jocks, and nerdy people who needed another class to add on. Some of us wrote papers for the International Baccalaureate and some of us were goofballs that never did the reading. Sometimes the same kid did both. But as much as we would skip class or fight with the teacher, when a sub came in, we were all on the same side. We knew that they had no power over us - and we had a mighty loyalty to Goldstein. Which is not to say that she didn't get played sometimes, but there was definitely an air of respect for her that was not otherwise present. Some of us, I among them, adored her to the fighting end even when she got on our nerves with inconsistencies.

She refused to conform with school policies that would stifle us and administration that would snark at us for being unchaperoned. She let us have run of the theater with our creative expression, let us handle the backstage, taught us to value or waste our time according to our own goals. While these privileges were used and abused, they were always there, a show of measurable respect and honor that she had for us as young adults just as we had respect for her as a wacky adult that gave us more of herself than I ever imagined.

I honestly thought that Goldstein would live forever.

She graduated with my class of 2009, moving back to NY during that summer. While there were cries of "thank God!" and the theater got on a more traditional 2-plays-a-year track, I was glad not to have to be a part of Interlake theater without Goldstein. I can't imagine it would have been much fun. In my freshman year of college, Goldstein sat with me on the Columbia steps and told me how to love the city was to get away from it once in a while and that I could visit her when I needed that break. Now I'll never get the chance.

I know it seems small, to love a high school teacher. After all, aren't we individuals and shouldn't we leave the past to the past? But Goldstein was more than just a teacher for me. I attribute so much of my ability to stand up for myself and to voice my opinions to her guidance. She encouraged me to write, to speak, and most importantly to not be afraid. She herself was never afraid to be silly, to feel her emotions, and to bring her full self into our lives. I will never forget it.

Interlake theater kids and anyone else who wants to share a memory of Goldstein, please send me a message or comment here. I want to cultivate the memories that we have of her in a safe place.

Remembering Jessica Goldstein

"We are not idealized wild things. We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all.” ― Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

This quote was with me all day yesterday, after I learned that my acting teacher in high school, Jessica Goldstein had passed away from brain cancer early that morning. She had been a great friend and mentor to me - one of those teachers that you talk about in your memoirs as someone who touched your life and made you really believe in yourself. One of those mythical people who, while they were all-too-human, still came through for you in every possible way and encouraged you to be the best person you could be.

Many of my high school memories are peppered with memories of Goldstein. I remember her in her amazing laugh. I remember her telling us stories about Nepal and Russia and New York - places we suburban kids could only dream were much better than the city we'd grown up in. She was accomplished in so many ways, and yet she never condescended to us. She treated us like mini-adults and gave us much more sway than many of our other teachers. She fought for us, especially when we wanted to do something radical.

She allowed me to put on one of my most glowing accomplishments: a stage-adapted version of Speak, a novel by Laurie Halse Anderson about rape and its affect on a high school girl's psyche. She pushed me to be courageous, to press hard, and to speak with my loudest and clearest voice.

I will miss her dearly.

 Lovely Goldstein, smiling amidst all our crazy high school antics.

A Quasi-Post

It has been quite a while since I last got the chance to share my writer-ly hangouts. These past few weeks have marked the end of my first year at college and, as is to be expected, I have been caught up in academics and clubs and all the requisite processes that seem to all crash together into a two week period. So, this post is not going to be about the places I have wandered to for the past few weeks, but will be focused on what I have been working on.

First of all, there have been great honors afoot!
I was recently honored at the SGA Leadership Dinner as a First Year Leadership Award Recipient. I don't know who nominated me, but I am really grateful to whoever it was! The embarrassing part of the story, however, is that I did not believe I was being recognized for anything at first. They sent a formal invitation to my father and, when he called me to say that he got it, I shrugged it off and said "they must be giving those to everyone." It was only when they emailed me a second time to RSVP that I caught on.
When I arrived at the dinner, everyone was in formal attire and there were parents up and down the aisles - how I wish my father could have been there! It was a fancy setting with catering and butter shaped like little flowers! It was by far the fanciest event I have gone to in a while. I regret not bringing a proper camera...

On to things that I did know were happening - I am next year going to be a Well Woman!
For those of you that don't know what that is, Well Women is an organization of peer educators that learn all about women's health and issues; since Barnard is a women's college, they run an office that provides educational services to all the students. I am really excited to meet everyone and learn about all of these different topics! When I was going through the interview process, I felt really comfortable and welcomed, so I am happy that I got on.

I was also offered to work at ZAPP, the zine library in Richard Hugo House during the summer! While it is not a full internship, it allows me to keep my zine skills working and probably will encourage me to finish my own personal zine (which I will also be working on during the summer). Hooray plans!

On to the second group, the hard-work-that-paid-off category!
This past weekend, we both finished this semester's publication of Awaaz (in which I am both an editor and a writer!) and mounted Nazaara's play Kanyadaan. Although I was biting my nails about the performance to the very end, we pulled through and there were a lot of strong responses in the audience - for good and for ill. It was nice to hear that the play was so provocative, as it is a very powerful text. Fun fact: they are performing it in Seattle on the 14th, so I might be able to go see it (again and in a different language, but still!)

Aside from all of these things, I have been working diligently at all the things that I usually do. Today was the last day of classes so I finally feel that I have run the race to the finish line - I no longer have any essays to complete and just a few final exams to pass before I head off into wild blue yonder (pretty much literally). And today was a nice relieving break because Liberty and I went bowling with my adviser and our first year class dean, as well as some students and a Spanish professor. It was a great time! Although, I didn't do too well on bowling...

I think I will be keeping up my writer-ly explorations in Seattle, so stay tuned for some more recommendations (albeit, about the other side of the country) and some writing. Yes, I promise to put up some actual writing after this.

Speak: The Conclusion

Ahhh! I have such mixed emotions right now!
I am both happy and sad that the play had to end - it was an extremely stressful journey, but now that it's over, I know that I will miss it. It was just so much of an enjoyable experience, and everyone worked really hard. Despite our issues [quitting, lack of time for tech, etc], the audience really enjoyed the performance both nights and we worked really well as an ensemble.
Friday was intense. Never mind the performance, I had to run around doing errands and averting crises all day! I had gotten home late that night after going over the sound and light cues with Maayan and figuring out some last minute items [then, consequently, couldn't sleep very well because I was so full of nervous energy]. I walked into school, fixed my attendance record, and then ran into Ms. Bennett who came up last minute with a tree branch at the ready [hoorah!]. In the morning, I was sitting in each class, just waiting for the next moment, waiting for the time that we'd be released. There was a video played in 4th period about it and I got to announce in English class. In French, Madame came in and she then had to pick up a TV from our house [since she had left hers at home]. Everyone in the cast was nervous and excited and wearing signs that told when and where the performance would be. At lunch, we finished up the programs hurriedly [and didn't have to go to three pages, luckily!] and bought chalkboard paint and chalk... everything was just so tense!
I burst into Coach's tutorial and asked about my match, but there was no word [I felt kinda bad about pestering him - after all, he was giving me another shot] and so I headed off to get the theater people set up. They put up the risers, painted the wall, got into costume and makeup and readied themselves. Tech started up, my laptop was hooked up [hence why there were no posts for the last few days]. And then... I had to leave.
I went to tennis practice, nervous and freaked out, but I think that running four laps and doing some basics really helped eke out a little of my stress. As Koops said, "sometimes you just have to let your kid go to kindergarten." Coach didn't set me up on a match; instead, as I informed him that I needed to run out at 4:20pm, he said "Monday. You're in." and that was that. I was so ecstatic! I raced back and told everyone, received hugs and compliments and then jumped into the mix. We got everyone into makeup and costumes, then started rehearsal with two hours and counting. After a bit, I got my hair straightened by Sofia [who says Hugo's technique wasn't good, haha], changed into my nice dress and heels, and got some small makeup done by Anna. After one last Saints cheer, it was game on!
The first night was a raucous audience - they cheered after every scene and got the loudest laughs I have ever heard in the theater. Opening night was also hard on tech - I stayed up in the booth, stabbing myself [literally] with my nails at every little mishap. I probably wasn't supposed to do that but... ehehe... The audience gave the actors a real confidence boost, and when we all got out, everyone was really enthusiastic. I met up with Ka-chan and we drove around and talked about how much we had both changed over the years... we ate Skinny Cow ice cream near the flower section of QFC because there were no other shops open. Ah... it was so nice. I hadn't eaten anything that day since 12pm because I was so nervous, so I went home and wolfed down some salmon finally. Then I crashed. Period.
The next morning I woke with the same suspended energy - I rooted around the house and found paper and magazine clippings to make personalized cards (as well as gathering bears up to give to the cast). Da bought flowers for me to give to the teachers; I baked cookies and pumpkin bread... overall, it was a busy morning right up until 3:30pm. Then I went to get Abby and we were off!
After getting everyone into makeup and costume, we tried to rehearse a few of the transitions that didn't work out so well. We got them down in a much better way, but the advice from Goldstein was that we be faster, louder, and funnier. So cues were moved up, our cheer became our mantra ["What time is it? PLAY TIME!"] and we scuttled backstage for some last minute adjustments. Another nice dress, another announcement to the audience, but this time I went out amidst them and snapped shots for posterity. Saturday's show ran a lot smoother, but people were less rowdy; it was an encouraging audience, they just didn't stand up and clap after every scene [literally, all 35, the night before]. I didn't skip out across stage to steal some of the limelight this time - instead, Livvie asked Kevin [Keveen] to Tolo in a cute and improvised way. It was a great ending to a nice night. I gave out my cards and received two sets of roses [white and orange, oddly, which went with my outfit] and finally felt the wave of accomplishment and remorse flit over me.
And then: the cleanup.
Half the stuff was mine, so we had to pack everything into my car [we were so heavy that I took a speed bump at 5mph and still felt it kick]. Nicole and I dropped off the major stuff at my house and then raced on over to Red Robin, where our cast party was held. We ate until the food looked disgusting, and then tried to go bowling [but our plans were foiled by angry yelling parents]. I went home, went to bed, and woke this morning at 8am with my mixed emotions all roiled into a ball.
I somehow wish that we had had more performances, but at the same time I know that it had to end. I just feel... so torn. So, to alleviate my strange feelings, the following post an homage to Speak in pictures (as well as a very long post).

Another Tiring Day

Daylight Savings Time hit us by surprise - we woke up in the morning feeling strange and then OPH! We're late to a meeting. Fortunately, we had woken up an hour earlier than we thought we should [lucky timing, right?] and then hopped into the car with tea in hand.
When I returned, I lazed about [probably not the best idea] until people showed up at 1pm. Compared to yesterday, it was a more mellow and less productive day - but we did get to rehearse scenes! We worked on the papier-mache turkey (which is now finished), making flyers in Illustrator CS4 (which Joshka didn't know how to use...), running the Gossip Girl and Freeman scenes, and watching Master of Disguise (which has to be one of my favorite movies - go fig!).
When all was said and done, we had hosted Madame at our house with her kids, heard the sad story of a wounded coyote in Sofia's backyard [it had to be shot...], and I got to hang out with Marisa for a bit. All in all, it was a good day...
...except for the hyperventilation thing. Both yesterday and today, I got it, and I think it lowered my immune system so now I have a small cold to go with it. It's kind of sad, actually. Yesterday, I got to see Ka-chan and have her paint some of our poster space, watched it snow and ruin the world at night and - oh! I totally forgot to talk about the play!
So, last night, I went to a musical featuring Elena at Overlake [called Once On This Island] and it was amazing. It was about Haiti and a folk legend type of idea, which was really cool and bittersweet - even so, it seemed like a fairly jaunty tale because of the music. It was basically about an orphan girl who grows up and feels ready to be out into the world, then girl-loves-guy (because of the gods who played around with her - fighting Death and Love in her heart) who has crashed his car (since part of Haiti was French and the other native), and then her struggle to get back to him. Though she becomes his mistress, he leaves her for the society girl - and she dies waiting for him. However, the gods are merciful in her treatment after death, so though it is sad, it seemed happy as well.
Afterward, there was a big deal of thanking people and saying goodbye to the seniors, which I thought was pretty cool. I know that there's no way to compare our show to that, but it was just a nice example of great high school theater.
Anyway, after all of the happenings of this weekend, I am really struggling to get some work done. But it's just one step at a time, right? One step at a time...
I really hope that snow doesn't cancel school tomorrow.

Want to see the dramatic conclusion? Check out my production of Speak in pictures and its write-up.
Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

A Midsummer Night's... Whugh!?

That was amazing!
I always forget the rush I get when performing... Anything, even if it sucks, is just so much fun.
Tonight was the first presentation of A Midsummer Night's Dream and I played Hermia. We messed up a lot of Act III and a lot of our lines were flubbed; I started coughing during the final bit and was about to cry... but my costume was amazing! And people were actually enjoying it! Most everyone I talked to thought it was really funny and well done - granted, a lot of them knew that I'd been sick for the past week so they let me off the hook (I guess that audience forgiveness schtick was true, never realized...)
I am having such a bipolar feeling about the performance... I know that I was intensely angry and spiteful when I first came to rehearsal, but once we got down to the final minutes beforehand I felt so incredibly happy and we looked amazing [the props were great too! I don't know where they came up with half the stuff though...] Then throughout the play I was sweating bullets about where we were and what lines we had missed. But finally, at the end, so many people were there to celebrate us that it just felt amazing and great and wonderful and I can't wait to do it again tomorrow! Ah!
Well, I must now rest my voice again because that cough set me back light years on the road to recovery. We go in at 12 tomorrow and are definitely going to go over Act III. Hopefully tomorrow's shows are going to be a million times better - I just need to have water and tea nearby at all times!

Also, the photograph is of Hugo and I in costume [courtesy of Elaina], practicing Act V. At that time we had too few chairs and no replacements, so I sat on his lap. Not awkward for me, but I think he was floundering under my weight... Curse you, weak men who can't support average-sized women!

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.
If you're interested in more theater-related posts, check out the photographic journey of my production of Speak and it's write-up.

Reflections on a Busy Life

I was listening to Barack Obama's Dreams from My Father again today, and I started to realize how all of his values have been shaped.
The messages of his campaign are quite similar to the life lessons he wrote about throughout that memoir; his beliefs as contrasted with those of Malcolm X and the ideas imparted to him by father, grandfather, mother, half-sister and workmates. And that makes me think... what will we see in retrospect?
I really want to write my dad's memoir. I don't know how, but that is what I want to do. Even if it's crappy, terrible writing and the book is short and there is nothing of real interest in it, I believe that his life needs to be put down - if not by himself, then by me.
I want to do that, in fact, with my own life as well. And my life as related to Heathy's. And whatever happens to me in the future. I am a habitual note taker, list maker and plan shaker [ah, rhyme] and I actually do want to know all the gorey details once I've passed the threshold of "youth" and moved into "adulthood."
But for right now I don't know what that means.
I am being shaped, am not yet shapen. I am as a form in wax [though Hermia may deny] with leave to be figured and disfigured as suits the whims of others. I will be disappointed, I will feel loneliness - and they will shape me. Obviously, the reverse is also true.
So for right now I will live my life, make some note on the fact that A Midsummer Night's Dream is opening tonight and I'm still throat sick but muscling through. I will recount my experiences in a character's body [Hermia] and will write down all the trials and tribulations which feel so necessary at the moment. I will find myself in the cracks between pages so that, when you put it all together, I will become whole. Like a mosaic or a house of cards, because youth is both fragile and beautiful and I want to grasp every minute of it.

No matter what, I am going to take the time out of my busy hours on Earth to record this story.

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Rehearsal

Crazy days and doing plays - I probably got more physical with the boys than I ever have today. Ever. And that was not necessarily a pleasant experience; I think I have sustained a few injuries to my lower jaw and the side of my foot... but hey, I guess that marks me as an actor.
Anyway, today's picture is of Nicole being picked up by Kayla and traipsing around the kitchen because it was just so much fun! There are a bunch of other pictures on Facebook, but I liked this one the best.

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Wah!

So I couldn't possibly post anything yesterday because I was burning the midnight oil just trying to get everything finished. Auditions for Speak went extremely well, and we got all the characters that we could hope for - including some interesting teachers that I would not have thought about. Thursday was The Day of Final Cast Lists so I got that down and finished up some more of the scene layouts, which will help me out a lot once these things get really started.
I am extremely tired today.
I was thinking about going to bed right when I got home at 4pm because of it, but then I palled around with my guys and Sophia and got even MORE tired... it was fun though, wouldn't have missed our crazy discussions about religion and anger and babies for the world (though I'm now creeped out by thinking about our downstairs being completely a den for horror novels/movies...)

And now, for the Things I Want to Do List: Weekend Edition!
- Edit & turn in JFK essay tomorrow
- Make a pop-up flash diffuser
- Watch a movie
- Finish homework early

I know, I know... the picture above is from a few days ago - but I am way too tired to start snapping new shots right now. It's of a box that I decoupaged [accent aigu over the 'e'] after a failed painting experiment. My light box and old desk lamp actually did pretty well to get the shot - but this was before I learned more about ISO so the picture is somewhat grainy.

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Auditions & Concessions

I was pleased with today.
Just pleased, there were some metaphorical 'hiccups' that just made me want to scream, but other than that I think it was a fairly awesome day. I shook off the morning drowsiness by rote, was not gut-wrenchingly hungry in the afternoon, and got Speak rolling on a good note. Granted, I am going to bed as soon as I put up this post.
Today we held the first auditions for Speak and 12 people showed up, with more interested on the way. I think that it's going to be great, because there are so many qualified actors - people I hadn't even thought about were coming out in spades! It was amazing. I hope to get a cast of 30, ranging from REALLY HUGE parts [Melinda] to verrrryyyy tiny parts [Students & Cheerleaders]. There is sort of a disparity in lines between the two, but I think it will work out. Directing just feels so much more natural to me - I have been acting as Hermia and I love it, there's no doubt, but I just feel powerful and beautiful when directing in a way that acting just can't give me. I love it.
The rotten core of today, however, is that the administration is cancelling our January activities [assembly and dance - why? I ask this many times but there seems to be no reason... why would having a dance on Saturday affect the length of time that we're in school?] And, even more than that, they're moving graduation over to the 22nd of June! It makes me want to spit. I would willingly accept Saturday school for 5 days instead - I want the time to prepare for my IB exams! But having 5 days come in at the end is just pointless. I will be probably watching movies in every class and not learning anything. It just frustrates me that they didn't even consult what the students may want.
Ah, but I guess there's nothing to do about it now. We will march on, with our feet in the trenches, plowing throught the International Baccalaureate diploma and snatching up our high school graduation along the way. We will not be silenced! I am glad, at least, that they didn't take away the senior party on top of everything. That would just completely suck.
Anyway, the picture above is of the famed yellow bag of the last post, and the other gifts that Heathy sent me - which are body butter and some soap [I hope she's not trying to tell me something... haha] I found a new website, www.diyphotography.net, and was reading a lot of their articles - three of which were titled "Back to Basics" and really explained the relation of shutter speed, ISO, and aperture width to me. I played around with those a lot. I think also that, in lieu of an external flash or the money to buy one, this desk lamp really helps me light difficult objects without expending the quality. Hooray creative solutions!

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Happy New Year!

So, it's time to make resolutions and figure out what I'm going to do with my life for the next year! [after returning from the little schindig with Ka-chan, Sophia and the guys].
Photojojo said something really interesting/applicable that I think I am going to inherit. They say that you should focus on ONE resolution - and make it fun! I don't know if my focus is really 'fun' but I am going to choose the first one off my "prototype" list for resolutions as the one I follow most closely. Here it goes.

1. STOP EATING CRAP
There are many reasons for this: one, I don't like eating crap; two, it hurts my stomach to eat so much; and three, it just doesn't help me in my road to healthy living. Therefore, it's time to give it up. No more fast food and lots of lima beans from home for snacks - yippee!
2. Update blog more often
I think that it's good to communicate from the world, and from what Gala Darling puts up, it can be both inspiring and fun. I think that I am going to use my blog as a fashion diary; taking a picture per day of the outfit I am sporting [even the ones of me just in a t-shirt and sweat pants] and deciding whether they are worthy to put up. There are another bunch of ways to involve myself; probably craft project agendas and other things. I think I just need to write about, well, me more. Call it conceited, but I prefer to think of it as 'personal interest.'
3. Finish college blanket before college
This is seriously a no-brainer. It would just be sooo lame to finish it late considering I have half of it done already. Seriously, no duh.
4. Complete Davidson Fellows
It is an insanely difficult process, but I think I will emerge a better writer because of it. Regardless of the money, this challenge will let me write a cohesive portfolio and re-troll The Big Picture 2008 photographs for beauty and greatness. Good luck to me!
5. Produce Speak
This is vastly for me, my pet project. But I think also that the community benefits from these sorts of things. Talking about issues, approaching them in a new way, working our butts off to produce a play that the entire school is involved in [not just the students!] It will be an amazing ride and I won't let anything get in my way.

And thus, my resolutions are set. These aren't really 'resolutions' so much as goals, because I have a clear plan or am in the process of making a clear plan for all of them. There was only one prototype that I took off the list - to exercise more. I think that it will just flop because I always fail that one. I would like to concentrate on what I can do starting today rather than something I'll regret. The others I am going to toy with are: no swearing, use up all magazines/college mail in crafts and projects, make a zine to commemorate high school, keep up with all friends through the mail, learn to sew, watch more movies; less TV, and knit a well-fitting gorgeous sweater.
The theme of this year is to turn over a new leaf, and I am going to sell most of my wardrobe tomorrow and buy some new clothes to baptize this ideal. Hooray! Other than that, college occurs in this year, graduation occurs in this year, working for myself starts this year, and general mayhem and chaos returns in force this year! Let's enjoy it!
Oh, and in case you were wondering, here's the January 1st picture of my outfit - an orange dress I bought in NYC belted with a black shiny thing. The quality might not be too great, but I was experimenting with ISO speeds, flash, and looking down on a subject [hooray new perspectives!] Enjoy.

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.
You can see even more at my DeviantArt.

Amazed, Crazed, and Overly Tired

It's December 1st and I am sitting here quite amazed at the NaNo novel I just punched out of myself. 50,252 words according to the NaNo counter, 50,039 according to mine [I prefer the former]. It's the end of our 4 day break and it feels like nothing - but it was fun nothing, so I can't really complain. I am waiting on new tech, nervous about college, happy to be playing Hermia, and returning to yoga. I am feeling very good, but also ready to break out.
[Just to prepare, there will be only a few sentences that don't begin with 'I' in this post - as I am so tired of writing interesting sentences that I am going to write in simple "subject-verb-complement" form]
I realize that I complain a lot. Though I pride myself on not complaining about work, I complain about people - and even now I am trying to make excuses that I 'don't do it as much as others' or I 'am usually joking around' or I 'tell it to certain people' but I think it's a larger thing than that. I'm not sure I can get rid of it, but perhaps I am able to think about what I'm saying/repeating more?
Yoga, o' delicious yoga, brought me back to earth a little bit today. I haven't gone for a while, and so I haven't been able to soak up all the juicy wisdom that transpires in that hour and a half. {sidenote: isn't it funny that when you are busy, you cut out probably the most vital things as 'extra'?} But today, I just got to focus on me - happy me, delicious me, that me where I can love without consequence. I think that's what I lack a lot of the time. Maybe it's just in the words we use or the critical way we are assessed, but I find that I've been lacking self-love for a while. It's very important to actually be proud of yourself, and I tell other people that all the time but... sometimes the teacher doesn't take the lesson, you know?
Finally, I have decided to seek my fortune in some other gainful employment than chasing after false dreams [cryptic, right? well, at least I get it]. I am going to let drama class solve it, and I am going to let my personality decide whether it is right. That's the way to go.
Yip, yip, yoray!

Read more posts about my multiple National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) attempts and successes.

Pride

I have printed my first assignment, gone on my first excursion, attended my first production meeting, and done my first load of laundry at Barnard College! [mostly in one day]
I don't know why, but these little milestones like moving in and sleeping my first night with a roommate and working out in the Columbia fitness center just make me feel great. The little things make independence seem so alluring [though I probably won't be singing that tune when I've done this for more than a few weeks...]
Even just the fact that I am able to go wherever I want without anyone is wonderful. I am working now on a few photography projects for the Barnard Bulletin and I am ready to just explore the city without restraint. The excursion to Spamalot yesterday was extremely funny, but viewing the New York night life was the truly amazing part. The fact that there are so many different people makes you feel a lot of different ways - sometimes dangerous, sometimes included, sometimes lonely... I think that breaking the monotony of my summers is a trend that I really could get into.
On a side note, the Columbia campus is beautiful. Barnard is a wonderful place to live, but right now they ripped out their courtyard and are doing some crazy construction (which will be finished by the time I graduate and [hopefully] arrive here) so they are less glamorous than I saw last summer. Columbia, on the other hand, is a sprawling piece of green in the tall and cramped city (ex. the two-inch wide hallways of the supermarket). I have not yet been to the parks, such as Central and Bryant, but for now Columbia is my oasis of grandeur.
Anyway.
As you may have already noticed, I'm having a fantastic time here. Despite all the little challenges of being a 'freshman' [ex. not knowing where to buy a laundry card and having to run around worrying about the load of clothes you left in the machine...] there is so much reward in getting to be here.
Also, if I do become a freshman here, I will take those lessons wisely.

Read more posts about my awesome Barnard pre-college experience.
You may also be interested to read about what happened when I started college at Barnard.

Expelliarmus (And Other Weird Spells We Still Remember)

I may be crazy, but I guess some things happen for a reason.
Yesterday was a medley of celebration and fear as we sashayed about town to commemorate the sun's awakening, our upcoming Hare Hare Yukai performance, and some general life demands. Instead of working hard, I flounced about and tried to have some fun for once. Today was the same, except with a bit more work and a little more personal benefit. Walk for Aidan was quite awesome, and then I went to the trainer and hauled ass (literally, we worked on glutes today) as beginning my exercise/dietary goals. Then afterward I dozed and felt horrible for a few hours and finally decided to go to The Hairy Baby and loved to watch the strangeness and the common themes that flitted through a surrealistic setting [also, I love Monster - he sculpts busts! (again, literally)]
Now I'm sitting at home thinking that I should be able to devote 2 hours to myself every day. One for general exercise and well-being, the other for writing and creative thought. Just because... I think I've let my life go to other people or other commitments too much [I would say lately, but it's really been all year] And so I'm going to start working on myself again, because (as my trainer would say) I've 'fallen off the wagon' in terms of appreciating the fact that I'm an 'artist' and a human being. I'm going to have to push to the end of the year in some things, but I can't believe how much time I spend sitting around thinking to do something and then either being too scared or too stressed to do it. It's something I really need to get rid of - hesitation.
And thus, with that effervescent glow about me, I'm going to retire to my bed. Goodnight.