Remembering Jessica Goldstein

"We are not idealized wild things. We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all.” ― Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

This quote was with me all day yesterday, after I learned that my acting teacher in high school, Jessica Goldstein had passed away from brain cancer early that morning. She had been a great friend and mentor to me - one of those teachers that you talk about in your memoirs as someone who touched your life and made you really believe in yourself. One of those mythical people who, while they were all-too-human, still came through for you in every possible way and encouraged you to be the best person you could be.

Many of my high school memories are peppered with memories of Goldstein. I remember her in her amazing laugh. I remember her telling us stories about Nepal and Russia and New York - places we suburban kids could only dream were much better than the city we'd grown up in. She was accomplished in so many ways, and yet she never condescended to us. She treated us like mini-adults and gave us much more sway than many of our other teachers. She fought for us, especially when we wanted to do something radical.

She allowed me to put on one of my most glowing accomplishments: a stage-adapted version of Speak, a novel by Laurie Halse Anderson about rape and its affect on a high school girl's psyche. She pushed me to be courageous, to press hard, and to speak with my loudest and clearest voice.

I will miss her dearly.

 Lovely Goldstein, smiling amidst all our crazy high school antics.

Speak: In Pictures

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Speak: The Conclusion

Ahhh! I have such mixed emotions right now!
I am both happy and sad that the play had to end - it was an extremely stressful journey, but now that it's over, I know that I will miss it. It was just so much of an enjoyable experience, and everyone worked really hard. Despite our issues [quitting, lack of time for tech, etc], the audience really enjoyed the performance both nights and we worked really well as an ensemble.
Friday was intense. Never mind the performance, I had to run around doing errands and averting crises all day! I had gotten home late that night after going over the sound and light cues with Maayan and figuring out some last minute items [then, consequently, couldn't sleep very well because I was so full of nervous energy]. I walked into school, fixed my attendance record, and then ran into Ms. Bennett who came up last minute with a tree branch at the ready [hoorah!]. In the morning, I was sitting in each class, just waiting for the next moment, waiting for the time that we'd be released. There was a video played in 4th period about it and I got to announce in English class. In French, Madame came in and she then had to pick up a TV from our house [since she had left hers at home]. Everyone in the cast was nervous and excited and wearing signs that told when and where the performance would be. At lunch, we finished up the programs hurriedly [and didn't have to go to three pages, luckily!] and bought chalkboard paint and chalk... everything was just so tense!
I burst into Coach's tutorial and asked about my match, but there was no word [I felt kinda bad about pestering him - after all, he was giving me another shot] and so I headed off to get the theater people set up. They put up the risers, painted the wall, got into costume and makeup and readied themselves. Tech started up, my laptop was hooked up [hence why there were no posts for the last few days]. And then... I had to leave.
I went to tennis practice, nervous and freaked out, but I think that running four laps and doing some basics really helped eke out a little of my stress. As Koops said, "sometimes you just have to let your kid go to kindergarten." Coach didn't set me up on a match; instead, as I informed him that I needed to run out at 4:20pm, he said "Monday. You're in." and that was that. I was so ecstatic! I raced back and told everyone, received hugs and compliments and then jumped into the mix. We got everyone into makeup and costumes, then started rehearsal with two hours and counting. After a bit, I got my hair straightened by Sofia [who says Hugo's technique wasn't good, haha], changed into my nice dress and heels, and got some small makeup done by Anna. After one last Saints cheer, it was game on!
The first night was a raucous audience - they cheered after every scene and got the loudest laughs I have ever heard in the theater. Opening night was also hard on tech - I stayed up in the booth, stabbing myself [literally] with my nails at every little mishap. I probably wasn't supposed to do that but... ehehe... The audience gave the actors a real confidence boost, and when we all got out, everyone was really enthusiastic. I met up with Ka-chan and we drove around and talked about how much we had both changed over the years... we ate Skinny Cow ice cream near the flower section of QFC because there were no other shops open. Ah... it was so nice. I hadn't eaten anything that day since 12pm because I was so nervous, so I went home and wolfed down some salmon finally. Then I crashed. Period.
The next morning I woke with the same suspended energy - I rooted around the house and found paper and magazine clippings to make personalized cards (as well as gathering bears up to give to the cast). Da bought flowers for me to give to the teachers; I baked cookies and pumpkin bread... overall, it was a busy morning right up until 3:30pm. Then I went to get Abby and we were off!
After getting everyone into makeup and costume, we tried to rehearse a few of the transitions that didn't work out so well. We got them down in a much better way, but the advice from Goldstein was that we be faster, louder, and funnier. So cues were moved up, our cheer became our mantra ["What time is it? PLAY TIME!"] and we scuttled backstage for some last minute adjustments. Another nice dress, another announcement to the audience, but this time I went out amidst them and snapped shots for posterity. Saturday's show ran a lot smoother, but people were less rowdy; it was an encouraging audience, they just didn't stand up and clap after every scene [literally, all 35, the night before]. I didn't skip out across stage to steal some of the limelight this time - instead, Livvie asked Kevin [Keveen] to Tolo in a cute and improvised way. It was a great ending to a nice night. I gave out my cards and received two sets of roses [white and orange, oddly, which went with my outfit] and finally felt the wave of accomplishment and remorse flit over me.
And then: the cleanup.
Half the stuff was mine, so we had to pack everything into my car [we were so heavy that I took a speed bump at 5mph and still felt it kick]. Nicole and I dropped off the major stuff at my house and then raced on over to Red Robin, where our cast party was held. We ate until the food looked disgusting, and then tried to go bowling [but our plans were foiled by angry yelling parents]. I went home, went to bed, and woke this morning at 8am with my mixed emotions all roiled into a ball.
I somehow wish that we had had more performances, but at the same time I know that it had to end. I just feel... so torn. So, to alleviate my strange feelings, the following post an homage to Speak in pictures (as well as a very long post).

Writeen

I remember Heathy and I trying to make a website one time... before www.thecowation.com became my personal project and after the JDishia site became a total failure [not entirely because my computer crashed and I lost all its data]. We were avid writers back then, and we tried to create a website for "teens" (though we were pre-teens at the time - aspirational children!) that was about writing and life.
It was a total failure.
It wasn't a terrible plan, it was just like... we didn't know what we were doing. And we didn't know why we were doing it. And so now, when I think about it, I think about what sorts of plans I've had that may have flopped in the past and why. Just in general. Why didn't I ever successfully stow away in the back of Heathy's truck? Why did our relationship peter out after the first NYC trip with Molly? Why couldn't Chels and I actually take over the world?
Some of these things, I realize, were totally unfeasible from the start. But others are more... simple. Understandable. Doable even today, I believe.
So maybe it's time to look back on the past and see whether what I've done and not been able to do has always been contingent with my belief system or my determination or if it was just plain lazy impracticality.
These days, I know that I doggedly pursue things (for the better, I believe) but sometimes that gets overwhelming too. After Speak, I think, I'm going to take a vacation from people and things and realities that I don't like. Take a little island adventure back to JDishia and figure out whether my main character in WWIII is actually a function of Chels and I plotting to take over the world in 4th grade. Who knows? My writer side might even try to resurrect that failed idea of making writing interesting for teens and start something completely new with it.
It's all a matter of time.

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The Lack of Time

My predictive text tells me that I won't have time to post tonight - considering that I get home at 7:30pm and totally woke up late [because my dad asked me to, oddly] this morning. So, here is a snapshot of our papier-mache turkey in all it's half-painted glory.
We're going to have the greatest final week ever!

Want to see the dramatic conclusion? Check out my production of Speak in pictures and its write-up.
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Another Tiring Day

Daylight Savings Time hit us by surprise - we woke up in the morning feeling strange and then OPH! We're late to a meeting. Fortunately, we had woken up an hour earlier than we thought we should [lucky timing, right?] and then hopped into the car with tea in hand.
When I returned, I lazed about [probably not the best idea] until people showed up at 1pm. Compared to yesterday, it was a more mellow and less productive day - but we did get to rehearse scenes! We worked on the papier-mache turkey (which is now finished), making flyers in Illustrator CS4 (which Joshka didn't know how to use...), running the Gossip Girl and Freeman scenes, and watching Master of Disguise (which has to be one of my favorite movies - go fig!).
When all was said and done, we had hosted Madame at our house with her kids, heard the sad story of a wounded coyote in Sofia's backyard [it had to be shot...], and I got to hang out with Marisa for a bit. All in all, it was a good day...
...except for the hyperventilation thing. Both yesterday and today, I got it, and I think it lowered my immune system so now I have a small cold to go with it. It's kind of sad, actually. Yesterday, I got to see Ka-chan and have her paint some of our poster space, watched it snow and ruin the world at night and - oh! I totally forgot to talk about the play!
So, last night, I went to a musical featuring Elena at Overlake [called Once On This Island] and it was amazing. It was about Haiti and a folk legend type of idea, which was really cool and bittersweet - even so, it seemed like a fairly jaunty tale because of the music. It was basically about an orphan girl who grows up and feels ready to be out into the world, then girl-loves-guy (because of the gods who played around with her - fighting Death and Love in her heart) who has crashed his car (since part of Haiti was French and the other native), and then her struggle to get back to him. Though she becomes his mistress, he leaves her for the society girl - and she dies waiting for him. However, the gods are merciful in her treatment after death, so though it is sad, it seemed happy as well.
Afterward, there was a big deal of thanking people and saying goodbye to the seniors, which I thought was pretty cool. I know that there's no way to compare our show to that, but it was just a nice example of great high school theater.
Anyway, after all of the happenings of this weekend, I am really struggling to get some work done. But it's just one step at a time, right? One step at a time...
I really hope that snow doesn't cancel school tomorrow.

Want to see the dramatic conclusion? Check out my production of Speak in pictures and its write-up.
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In Case You Were Wondering...

Why didn't I post yesterday? The picture should explain it all.

Want to see the dramatic conclusion? Check out my production of Speak in pictures and its write-up.
Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Speak

The play has officially taken over my life.
Not that I didn't know that was going to happen, but it still comes as an amazing commitment and the excitement and stress go hand in hand. I am pumped to work but have also been shot down this week - regardless, it lends fire to my energy.
On a somewhat strange tangent, I kind of feel like yoga has given me that ability. Defusing the stress and putting it into potential. I need to harness that earlier because, in the moment, I get extremely angry or pent up [and eat emotionally - never put granola bars in front of me!] but then later I make a resolve that will actually lend itself to a betterment. I believe that is the most important part. Anyway...
For the concrete happenings of this week, which seems as if it has been a really long time but has truly been brief, I will give a brief daily overview (brief, haha...)

Monday - First day of tennis: the running made me sore, but it also made me feel really good. I was really exercising - after months and months of low to none. The courts were wet and mucky for some inexplicable reason [Washington... mud... uck.] and so we went inside to do more conditioning (I tripped during grapevines - I guess I am just that coordinated). Overall, however, it was really refreshing to be back on. I love sports, I love exercising, and I have missed it dearly. Sadly, we learned that we have to cut 10-13 girls this year. It makes everyone on JV quake in their boots... I know I'm worried. But it gives me the right to be ruthless during matches! GO J!

Tuesday - Abby and I asked Coach if we could just stay for an hour of tennis on Tuesday because of play practice, but when I had gone that amount of time, I felt that they really needed me there, so I ran up to Perlman and asked him if I could go to that. Thankfully, he was understanding, and I ran back to the theater in a panic. I took over while tech continued to adjust lights and be... techy. We worked through some scenes and then drilled O'Byrne through his 10 Lies [Best. Scene. Ever.]

Wednesday - Every moment of the day and every class, from when I wake up in the morning to when I go to bed at night, I am thinking about Speak. No lie. We were offered to stay in Ms. Bennett's room but were stopped halfway through by the administration and rules. It felt like just one more thing to me and so I got extremely emotional [and unprofessional, eck]. Fortunately, my cast members forgave me for this outburst and Catskill even tried to talk to the office. I believe that the best thing that came out of the entire thing was the fervor it gave people to work collectively and the conviction to work harder and beat out the odds. I knew it galvanized me to work as hard as I can to make this the best production it can be.

Thursday - I know that it sounds horrible, but I prayed for rain. I hoped, prayed, and wished all the night and that morning. And, I believe, my prayers were answered. It started snowing during 3rd period, cementing in stone the fact that the courts would be unuseable that day. The girls tell me that they ran inside for an hour and then were dismissed, so I drew in a deep breath about dodging out to go to practice. We had an all-cast rehearsal from 3-7pm, half in the theater, half in Ms. Pendlebury's room. Melinda (Nicky), unfortunately, had an unexpected sickness and was escorted off campus by the nurse. But we persevered. We went through the entire play [minus the scenes that were unable to be done because of lack of actors] and ate pizza provided by Catskill [thanks!]. I got some great notes down and I believe that we are a little more prepared to get this right. As well, we got parts of our lights done and a Facebook group created to attract viewers. There were some issues with tech, but they were fortunately resolved later in the evening.

Friday - By this point, I have stayed up by an hour extra each night. I was quite tired and not focusing, but I went to tennis and won a match! I was so happy because my greatest frustration on Wednesday practice [where I went after our rehearsal fiasco] was losing on a tie-breaker (6-7, 7-10... gah). I really hope that all the previous people make the team, however, so I felt a twinge of guilt for beating the girl. But, I guess, it's dog eat dog in some ways. I came back to rehearsal and we hotseated Nicole and Ivy. It was intense and absolutely entertaining. I love hotseats, personally.

And that brings us to the now, with exactly one more week to go. We are working tomorrow and Sunday, then drilling it in every day thereafter. I believe in us. We will succeed.
And that is the bottom line.


Want to see the dramatic conclusion? Check out my production of Speak in pictures and its write-up.
Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Spirit Week '09

Taking a break from the Photographic Dictionary [considering that I was rushing around all day at a mile a minute], I present you with... THE BLACK CAT, a fictional superhero that I created from cat-pertaining items that I found in my closet. Today was Superhero Day for Spirit Week, so I decided that I wasn't Catwoman-y enough to be her and went with a cuter version. Hope it's enjoyable.
Other than that, tennis killed my legs, but I am happy to say that it makes me feel great. I know that I wasn't ready conditioning-wise, but working out just makes me happy. As much as I hated it in the moment, I loved it when I was out. Then I went to yoga and Aurora was back and she presented us with another one of her great insights about how we accept an imbalanced world because everyone has some sort of imbalance - there are a lot of ways that I would change that I hope to embark on (maybe now, maybe in college) and she just seemed to encourage that sort of work.
Anyway, those were the positives and major highlights of my day [the negatives are pertaining to my quick temper, Speak vs. administration, and the fact that I worry a crazy amount when any deadline begins to approach - eek!] I will probably bring back my dictionary tomorrow, but for now, enjoy my whiskered face!

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It's Always Darkest...

I believe that this week is Speak's "darkest." Cancellations, illnesses, and the juggling of stricter performances with prop finding and tech meetings are all attempting to pound me into the ground. Yet I put my faith in that dawn that will inevitably come; how to drag it into being is the real task.
So today was generally productive school-wise. We watched Waiting for Godot [hoorah!] and took notes in biology, finished up projects and watched The Daily Show. We squirreled away our smiles for the end of this short Wednesday - though I was hard-pressed to bring one about as we filed into the gym for our senior picture.
It was such a horrible experience to be stuffed into the center of the bleachers with a bunch of rude jerks [who kept stepping on people and standing up and making general asses of themselves, ugh]. They had prescribed that we all wear bright clothing, but there were so few people who did [I garnered a small victory by having a yellow highlighter-colored sweater]. The photographer took many many many photographs, which I could probably expect, but he kept telling more and more people to put down their hands or that we were too blurry or something else that was wrong. It was all student-induced, which is why it bothers me. People need to either behave or be out. Oh well, though. Ms. Bennett says that it was actually better than average - haha.
I finally felt in control again this morning; I am trying to remember that fleeting time when I did not feel as if there should be more and more assignments for me to do. I think the difference between being a junior and being a senior is that you know what needs to be done, and when, as a junior. So you do it. As a senior, you know there are assignments due, things to be done, and other items - but rather than finding this out way in advance, you are forced to do it the morning before its due date. I'm not sure if this is a function of senioritis, laziness, or poor planning though I assume it could be all three.
Anyway, hopefully this afternoon will prove nicer than previous. I am trying to shake the sleepy doldrums from my shoulders and put together all my work before running off to the gym for some exercise and then going to see Darius Goes West again - this time with the cast in tow. Then, perhaps then, I can start to edit for the next editing class [I feel horrible for not even looking at it!] and working on long-term projects for IB. Who knows? Maybe I'll just sleep.

Also, the picture above is the year of my graduating class. '09! '09! '09!

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I Know, I Know...

(...the picture above is one that I took in my mini-photo shoot yesterday - I just came home and I definitely don't have time to create a new one. So sue me, if thou canst!)

Here are today's highlights:
New dawn, new day, but what is to come of it? A soft rain falls from the grey-tinted sky.
We are shepherded through hallways and stairwells, governed by bells... they close our fate with the sound of a closing airplane door. Ding, ding, ding, ding...
My age wears on me today - well, I'm not sure. The negativity and criticism falls from my lips and my fingertips; words are thrown by others in a cloud of furious smoke. I wish I could take it, but four months seems like an extended torture sentence.
Am I being an angst-ridden teenager? Perhaps, yes, and definitely. I feel the crush of Speak setting down upon my waist and hips, tightening my shoulders and holding on with all possible defiance. The love from my lower back may heal us all. If only, if only...
Laughter is the only solution. Rehearsal provides the much-needed reprieve; a high school just as crazy but not so serious. Ah, if only, if only...
We glide through the water, freeze in the murk, then push ourselves forward as if we were doves on land. Aerobics without the air. Now, returning, we are land-locked and heavy. Soft thoughts and soft hands... adieu.


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Ups & Downs...

I feel. I really do.
I'm not sure why, but today has been one of changing emotions. I felt so good just to be at the end of the week and having accomplished something with my cast and having worked out most days of the week... then it came crashing down when my oral spiraled away from me and I realized there were more issues with Speak and I overate without realizing it at Dairy Queen. Oh, and my car got egged. Great, isn't it? Gah...
So, I returned home and opened my email to balance my own self and I received another TUT from the Universe. Those messages are really helpful to me - they just keep encouraging me to realize. Just to realize. To acknowledge. To hope, to dream, to understand. And, best of all, when there is something wrong, I really try to clear my head and work on it after reading one of those.
I am grateful that there are little things that make up for it. Like playing tennis for hours. And laughing with friends who really understand you. And just... feeling complete. Even when you're not because no one can ever be "complete" as it were. The world spirals into an art form, and that's where we deliver up our souls.

The picture for today is a plain one. Something that was taken yesterday amidst arm flailing and other oddities; it is my closet of wonders. What might you find?

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Drained & Lonely

It seems pretty random to me that the hot chocolate box makes specifically 39 servings. Why not 40? Or 38? Or 27? [mine actually probably did only make 27 or less, because I always add WAYYY too much powder to make it super thick]
On another, probably more important note, today was the first day of physical rehearsal for Speak. I need to find a way that people will listen to me that won't make me an extremely harsh person or lose my voice to yelling. That is the rub, isn't it? Oh well, people are having fun.
I took a nap today. It felt so good to actually get a little extra sleep... I think that my thoughts are still surfing in that mode right now because right after I put up this post I am going to climb into bed.
In a weird lucid way, I am really wondering about my future as a person. I mean, I love to do a lot of things and I want to explore a lot of different experiences and roles and whatever else; I feel like I am pent-up but at the same time not doing enough. I want to go to college and be selfish, because it really is a selfish thing to pursue exactly what you want. It's not a bad selfish. You just indulge in yourself and make everything worthwhile for you. Perhaps I am just fluff-coating it.
I don't really know what I'm saying sometimes. I think of college as a glittering metropolis of people and activities and, in a way, that was true of our summer experience. But the worries are getting to me nowadays. I just can't understand that soon enough I will never see these people again [or at least until I come for vacation, which seems really not like 'seeing' them as I do these days]. I am starting to feel really lonely and needy all the time for some random reason [Mercury is apparently in retrograde, I'm sure I could blame this on planetary alignment]. And I'm feeling hypocritical too. And unproductive.
And on top of this, I now realize that I am super critical of myself. Funny, right? I'm criticizing my hyper-critical attitude.
This is really all about me getting myself out to myself - because if I don't say it now then it's going to come out in shouting matches or axe murders or some other method of hurting people in between those two extremes. I need yoga. And sleep.
Maybe my container has exactly 39 servings and I am teetering on the edge of 37 1/2.

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Scrubs Sentimentality

I am such a softie. I can't even tell you - I just watched a really sappy episode of Scrubs where Elliot and J.D. just got back together and I am now like "why can't I have a relationship like that?" even after watching their entire roller coaster up and down of relationship problems. Anyway.
Other than my slightly sad TV addiction to that series, today was pretty interesting. They beat the energy out of me yesterday, but through theater I have regained it today. I was very pleased with our first read-through of the Speak script and am totally pumped to start working (I think that with all the basic blocking down at least I can start to be interpretive) People are always going to have scheduling issues so I think that the way I'm going to handle it is that if you're not at rehearsal, then we are going to put a stand-in there for you and you're just going to have to learn the blocking. I know that doesn't sound good, but I think that's the best way [at least as long as you're not learning gobs and gobs of lines]. I just have to keep myself extremely organized and together.
As well, during Extended Essay presentations tonight, I was a theater speaker and people told me I did pretty well [strangely, my dad was the most critical of me - I was also very hard on myself because I think I can do better, but other than that people were like hooray!]
Dang... I just realized that I changed out of one of my favorite formal outfits - I should have taken a picture! *is debating whether she should go jump back into it so that she can get a shot for today* Yeah, I think I'm going to go do that. One second. (I am feeling totally vain, but I like the idea of a fashion journal and my somewhat new philosophy for this year is that you should really invest in loving yourself - I am always fixated on faults so I can never truly feel like I'm up to standard: why not just give myself a break and let me be silly and crazy just as it is? I must sound like a babbler [there it is again... those stupid multiple voices])
Ok, I'm back, and with a pretty cool shot! (I am an idiot though, I just spent an hour using different poses and then found my favorite one by just doing the typical "face it at you and shoot" thing... oh well, a little less sleep won't kill me)
Anyway, enjoy my neck and little aluminum heart in my beautiful orange sweater - I would have gotten the sweet gold boots and the black pants, but they would just distract from the shot.

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L'Etudiante

Today the workhorses trampled me.
Last night I finally realized that I was awake and that I could work, and so I stayed up and finished la plupart de mes devoirs and then was able today to finish up some crucial elements of Speak. I think that the vision will come together quite nicely, despite the difficulties in timing and etc.
I think yesterday je trouve que le monde est imparfait, et il n'y a rien de faire pour ameliorer la situation. Tous les personnes qui sont mortes, sont mortes. It is impossible to really bring them back or anything - so we must preserve the lives that exist right now. That is sincerely what I believe and I hope that we come out of this torrid time with everyone still dans la vie de la soleil et de Dieu.
This is actually how I hear myself in my head.
Today I did a little photoshoot with my cat, and I didn't know which picture to pick as the best, so I am putting two. Yesterday's cat was Abby, in my dad's arms, and then today's cat is Belle, who is obviously a model. Seriously. [she has way more class than I do... and speaks French! *le sigh*]

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Wah!

So I couldn't possibly post anything yesterday because I was burning the midnight oil just trying to get everything finished. Auditions for Speak went extremely well, and we got all the characters that we could hope for - including some interesting teachers that I would not have thought about. Thursday was The Day of Final Cast Lists so I got that down and finished up some more of the scene layouts, which will help me out a lot once these things get really started.
I am extremely tired today.
I was thinking about going to bed right when I got home at 4pm because of it, but then I palled around with my guys and Sophia and got even MORE tired... it was fun though, wouldn't have missed our crazy discussions about religion and anger and babies for the world (though I'm now creeped out by thinking about our downstairs being completely a den for horror novels/movies...)

And now, for the Things I Want to Do List: Weekend Edition!
- Edit & turn in JFK essay tomorrow
- Make a pop-up flash diffuser
- Watch a movie
- Finish homework early

I know, I know... the picture above is from a few days ago - but I am way too tired to start snapping new shots right now. It's of a box that I decoupaged [accent aigu over the 'e'] after a failed painting experiment. My light box and old desk lamp actually did pretty well to get the shot - but this was before I learned more about ISO so the picture is somewhat grainy.

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Auditions & Concessions

I was pleased with today.
Just pleased, there were some metaphorical 'hiccups' that just made me want to scream, but other than that I think it was a fairly awesome day. I shook off the morning drowsiness by rote, was not gut-wrenchingly hungry in the afternoon, and got Speak rolling on a good note. Granted, I am going to bed as soon as I put up this post.
Today we held the first auditions for Speak and 12 people showed up, with more interested on the way. I think that it's going to be great, because there are so many qualified actors - people I hadn't even thought about were coming out in spades! It was amazing. I hope to get a cast of 30, ranging from REALLY HUGE parts [Melinda] to verrrryyyy tiny parts [Students & Cheerleaders]. There is sort of a disparity in lines between the two, but I think it will work out. Directing just feels so much more natural to me - I have been acting as Hermia and I love it, there's no doubt, but I just feel powerful and beautiful when directing in a way that acting just can't give me. I love it.
The rotten core of today, however, is that the administration is cancelling our January activities [assembly and dance - why? I ask this many times but there seems to be no reason... why would having a dance on Saturday affect the length of time that we're in school?] And, even more than that, they're moving graduation over to the 22nd of June! It makes me want to spit. I would willingly accept Saturday school for 5 days instead - I want the time to prepare for my IB exams! But having 5 days come in at the end is just pointless. I will be probably watching movies in every class and not learning anything. It just frustrates me that they didn't even consult what the students may want.
Ah, but I guess there's nothing to do about it now. We will march on, with our feet in the trenches, plowing throught the International Baccalaureate diploma and snatching up our high school graduation along the way. We will not be silenced! I am glad, at least, that they didn't take away the senior party on top of everything. That would just completely suck.
Anyway, the picture above is of the famed yellow bag of the last post, and the other gifts that Heathy sent me - which are body butter and some soap [I hope she's not trying to tell me something... haha] I found a new website, www.diyphotography.net, and was reading a lot of their articles - three of which were titled "Back to Basics" and really explained the relation of shutter speed, ISO, and aperture width to me. I played around with those a lot. I think also that, in lieu of an external flash or the money to buy one, this desk lamp really helps me light difficult objects without expending the quality. Hooray creative solutions!

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.