Amazed, Crazed, and Overly Tired

Monday, December 1, 2008

It's December 1st and I am sitting here quite amazed at the NaNo novel I just punched out of myself. 50,252 words according to the NaNo counter, 50,039 according to mine [I prefer the former]. It's the end of our 4 day break and it feels like nothing - but it was fun nothing, so I can't really complain. I am waiting on new tech, nervous about college, happy to be playing Hermia, and returning to yoga. I am feeling very good, but also ready to break out.
[Just to prepare, there will be only a few sentences that don't begin with 'I' in this post - as I am so tired of writing interesting sentences that I am going to write in simple "subject-verb-complement" form]
I realize that I complain a lot. Though I pride myself on not complaining about work, I complain about people - and even now I am trying to make excuses that I 'don't do it as much as others' or I 'am usually joking around' or I 'tell it to certain people' but I think it's a larger thing than that. I'm not sure I can get rid of it, but perhaps I am able to think about what I'm saying/repeating more?
Yoga, o' delicious yoga, brought me back to earth a little bit today. I haven't gone for a while, and so I haven't been able to soak up all the juicy wisdom that transpires in that hour and a half. {sidenote: isn't it funny that when you are busy, you cut out probably the most vital things as 'extra'?} But today, I just got to focus on me - happy me, delicious me, that me where I can love without consequence. I think that's what I lack a lot of the time. Maybe it's just in the words we use or the critical way we are assessed, but I find that I've been lacking self-love for a while. It's very important to actually be proud of yourself, and I tell other people that all the time but... sometimes the teacher doesn't take the lesson, you know?
Finally, I have decided to seek my fortune in some other gainful employment than chasing after false dreams [cryptic, right? well, at least I get it]. I am going to let drama class solve it, and I am going to let my personality decide whether it is right. That's the way to go.
Yip, yip, yoray!

Read more posts about my multiple National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) attempts and successes.