An Open Mouth: A List of Up and Coming Inspirations

A recent milestone: I fleshed out a complete plot line for my novel!

And it's awesome and messy and written by hand (don't worry, I immediately took photos of the curling pages so that it'd be preserved somewhere). It'll probably all change around in another month or so, when I'm frustrated by the middle scenes and need to file down the edges. But my thought process is that if I have an outline, I can start writing 1-page scenes for each of the segments and inch my way towards having a working draft. Not a completed draft, but a working one.

In the spirit of plot outlines (and my own neurotic list making), this post is a list of works and resources that have really resonated with me lately. As I wrote recently, I'm in the middle of a lot of things - otherwise known as the slog - and have been seeking works that make me inspired to keep moving.

"Kindness Over Genius" written and performed by Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai 

The novel Chowringhee by Mani Shankar Mukherji

This whole amazing MetaFilter document on emotional labor

Ursula K. Le Guin's short stories from Buffalo Gals and Other Animal Presences

"To What Do We Owe This Pleasure: On The Value of Not Writing"

 

 Anne Lamott's suggestions from the classic Bird by Bird 

And, of course, the allure of learning something completely new and out of my comfort zone: tabla!

A set of tabla and my notebook full of beats sitting on a printed orna on the floor.

5 Small Assumptions to Cast Away

1. You should edit as you go.

2. What you're doing is not the right thing/not done in the right way.

3. Small accomplishments don't need to be celebrated.

4. It's always your mistake.

5. Questions are the same as criticism. Criticism is the same as judgment.

12 Little Forms of Self-Love

1. Making art for the sole purpose of making something.
2. Knitting.
3. Trying out a new exercise. (swing dancing club, hurrah!)  
4. Making a list of hopes and fears.
5. Slowly eating something delicious.
6. Doing only as much as you can and not pushing past that.
7. Watching a TV show that's been off the air for years. (Murphy Brown, I'm looking at you!)  
8. Floating around the internet looking for nothing in particular.
9. Closing your eyes for an instant (or a half hour, whichever you prefer) and focusing on your breath.
10. Hosting a 1-2 spontaneous dance party.
11. Listening to music from your childhood. (N*Sync sing-along, anyone?) 
12. Trusting yourself as your own guide.

Happiness Is...

 

- A room with pen and paper

- A good meal shared with family and friends (my current favorite is pullao with goat curry and potatoes; I can eat it all. day. long.)

- Cuddling up and talking for hours with someone you care about

- Watching your niece grow up to be taller than you!

- A clear lightning storm against a dark sky

- Listening to your friends make music, watching them make art, and cheering them on

- A book and some free time

- A busy schedule of appointments that you'll actually enjoy

Join me today and make a list of all the little things that make you happy/that you're grateful for; it can be as abstract or as concrete as you like! Often when we struggle, we don't think about the positives that surround us every day. When you're really down, it's hard to see how the light that is all around us. But it is there, and we all have something to be grateful for. Take a few moments today and explore them.

In the mood for lists? Here are some more!

List: House Sounds of Dhaka

I was speaking with a friend living in Oregon about how Bangladesh is right now, and she asked about whether it was quieter here - heavens no! So here's a list of common sounds that I have been hearing in our home in Dhaka:

1. Prayer call at five times during the day (someone recites a Quranic passage over a loudspeaker at 3 different mosques in our local area alone)

2. Crows, crows, crows (cawing mainly in the morning - there are two that we've been particularly fascinated with who seem to be buddies)

3. Constant fans whirring (keeping us semi-cool)

4. Food-sellers yelling their wares from the street

5. Occasional street noise of rickshaw bicycle bells and car horns

6. Other apartment dwellers (since the apartments are so close together - we get screeching babies and the smell of whatever anyone is cooking)

7. A dog howling to the same tune as the morning prayer call; cats fighting in the night

8. Tik-tikis (house geckos) occasionally making their hallmark ticking sound

9. Cooking

Reminder: Love Yourself Today!

Happy Valentine's Day! Take today to love, thank, and give back to yourself and all the people who've supported you along the way. Here's what I'll be doing:

- Posting a silly Facebook status about love

- Drinking tea

- Taking a really intense break

- Meditating

- Contacting several of my close friends and saying "You Rock!" (un-ironically)

- Eating chocolate (courtesy of my father)

- Reading some inspirational poetry from Pablo Neruda and some life advice from Anne Lamott

- Going to Well Woman Game Night!

What about you?

The Bucket List and the Work Boots

Yesterday was the first day of classes at Columbia, which ushered in the fruitful chaos that is the fall semester here at college. Though I've been here for a week to work on Well Woman topics and generally ease myself back into New York-style living, the beginning of classes was wonderful. Sitting down with a bunch of strangers in order to explore a new and interesting (or required) topic is still exciting to me. Alas, I am a student at heart.

But another thought dawns on me whenever I sit down in one of our classrooms. I picture myself in the trenches of stats homework, putting on my size 8 work boots and wielding my pencil like a musket, spending hours in the morning and night trying to finish… The work is all consuming. And thus, I had to start thinking of how I would shift my mentality towards fun and creative pursuits.

So, I came up with a deceptively simple solution: a bucket list.

Start Button: Happy Moments in NYC

 Finally, I'm all moved in! This week, I am in training for my second year as a Well Woman peer educator (hence the bright green "Be Well" shirt pictured above) and generally settling back into life in New York City. Rather than bore you with the minute by minute, here are some highlights from the past few days:

- Seeing a gang of "bikers" ripping up Amsterdam on dune buggies
- Watching a parrot man gesticulate wildly after coming out of Kitchenette
- Meeting all the amazing new Well Women peer eds and doing endless ice breakers
- Strolling to the 99 cent store and finding absolutely everything you need to move into a dorm
- Being hugged by almost every administrator I saw on the way from Barnard to EC
- Sitting on the Columbia steps and overhearing the gaggle of freshmen express their excitement at being there
- Reconnecting with the lovely ladies of Barnard that have moved in early this year


That's it for now! Next week, classes start, so I am hoping to update the blog as regularly as I can from that point on, but there may be some missed days. Never fear! My Tumblr will never be silent.

Own Every Inch: Seattle Appreciation in Lists

I hate to be a cliché in my own life, but I believe that running away to NYC actually taught me a lot about Seattle. I came out of high school with a fully formed desire to escape that place. Suburban, middle class, mostly white high school taught me – in some strange ways – that nothing I wanted was going to be easy to get. We had the academic standing, but the culture of our school was restrictive. While administration wanted us to perform well on standardized tests, they barred us from creative endeavors like theater programs and newspapers. And, unless it made the school look good, philanthropic and cultural clubs were also out.

That atmosphere left me, the motivated do-gooder with a creative bent, completely despondent.

3 Ways to Follow Your Dreams (Even the Tiny Ones!)

At the end of yesterday’s post, I wrote about my dream of becoming a roller girl someday. Thus far, that dream may be one of the most daunting ones I’ve ever undertaken. It requires the patience to develop a skill that does not come naturally to me – who thought that me, the wall hugger at the skating rink, would be willing to fall on her face just to learn how to jump on skates? And so, today, I wanted to impart a sort of action plan for how I will be following that dream and how you can follow your own.

6 Expectations I Have of the US Government

Today, I'm giving a brief list, in no particular order, of expectations I have of the U.S. government. So brief, in fact, that I will constrain myself to one pithy sentence each - which will be a strain on my typically long-winded writing style. Here it goes.

1. Keep AT&T from absorbing T-Mobile because its a Mc-monopoly about to happen.

2. Focus on domestic issues before dipping your toes into international waters.

3. Encouraging youth to vote and to become representatives, bring us out of unicorn status, and create a more representative democracy.

4. Trust Muslims - full stop.

5. Emphasize the power of local politics, so we don't elect the same person for 30+ years because they're familiar.

6. Give me some transparency and diversity, so that I know a) what's going on, and b) that privilege and power are kept in check.

Check out some of my other lists and my pieces on political participation and how to get youth involved in politics.

Finding My South Asian Identity in Literature

I want to explore a little bit more about South Asian identity and where it comes from for young South Asian Americans. I grew in a multi-racial (but still primarily white) neighborhood with few Indians and no Bangladeshis my age, so I may only speak for myself in this post, but where I found a lot of my role models was in books. After the jump, I give some examples.

3 Ways I Beat Writer's Block to a Pulp

I have been fuzzy-brained for the last week because of several severe allergic reactions I've had since moving back to Washington from NYC. And whenever I get that fuzzy feeling, whether it's from illness or allergies or whatever else, I get really unenthused about writing. Yet, as a daily blogger and an all-around creative person, writing and doing creative things are really important to my daily life. So, in an effort to motivate myself to write again, I made a list of some simple ways that I use to break through the fuzz and get back into a creative mode. While simple, I think they always bear repeating, so if you are in need of a pick-me-up, read on!

Project x Project: Aspirations and Experiments

I am a list addict. That's right, I've admitted it (yet again). And for the upcoming summer I have made a list with subsections of items that I want to begin or complete during that time.

But this time I've done three things that are a tad bit different with the list:
1. I have made all the statements into "I want to..." forms
2. I have decided whether they are an aspiration or an experiment and indicated that
3. I have put a reason next to it about why I want to do such a thing

Why Eating Can Make Me Depressed

I've returned to Barnard on a pretty dreary day, so I feel compelled to open up the week with a pretty dreary post. Yet, as with all dreariness, it's designed to make you think rather bring you further down in the doldrums. So, enjoy.

I consider myself a conscientious eater. I have made peace with my food issues, questioned the food fads put up in the media, and tried to separate eating from body image and make both of those more positive.
Yet I still get caught up on one particular eating paradigm: sustainable eating. This (admittedly very long) article by Michael Pollan opened up that can of worms again for me, the first time having been after I read his book The Omnivore's Dilemma. The article, and his book, tout the mantra "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." He goes on to debunk the myths of nutrient-based nutrition and favors whole foods for the reason that they are better both for the farmer and the eater. And I find all that wonderful, interesting, and something that I want to apply to my life - until I reach the grocery store or the restaurant.
Finding whole foods in the grocery store is easy enough if I stick to the right aisles (produce, meat, dairy), but the basic fact is that these foods need preparation. Which means equipment and time. For a college student that doesn't have an oven, that rules out a lot of possibilities. So, heading deep into the center aisles, I began to scour labels and decide what a whole food looks like when industrially prepared. Those foods I found that contained even something that remotely resembled a whole food were extremely expensive. Again, a college budget does not allow for much wiggle room. What I came out with wasn't nearly what Pollan intended when he sat down to write that article.
Thus I came out of the grocery store anxious and somewhat depressed at my gatherings, and with one key question: how can I possibly make sustainable eating work for me? Or for anyone else who has a low-budget and low-time lifestyle?

The answer is two-fold:
1. Giving yourself a darn break. I think sustainable eating has to come in small increments; on the one hand, because American culture hasn't caught on to it, on the other because you can't flip a switch and change your monetary situation, the amount of time you have, or your cultivated eating habits from childhood on up. Pollan presents some good ideas, but self-selecting the parts you can do and setting aside those you can't requires a personal evaluation.
2. Separating self-worth from eating. Thinking about the emotions that came up for me after I left the grocery store, they were very much akin to those I had when I was dieting. Sustainable eating presented an unrealistic set of goals that, when I failed to meet them, caused me to spiral down the ramp of low self-esteem in the exact same way. While this is not to say that sustainable eating is the same thing as dieting or that you do it for the same reasons, but the association between eating habits and self-worth is the same. The only way to make changes without those same negative thoughts is to recognize and recognize that the two are not parallel.
Pollan may include some really good ideas for a fulfilling sustainable eating pattern, but he doesn't address any of the other concerns (money, time, or emotion) surrounding what you put on your plate. It's up to everyone else to fill in those gaps with their own solutions.
What is your take? Should sustainable eating even be put in the same sentence as dieting? Does it exclude people? Should it be the norm? And how would you make it happen if that were your own goal?

You might also be interested in posts about eating at restaurants.

The Relaxation Manifesto

Something that I have to remind myself of every day I take off: the meaning of relaxation is to not to think about its end.

This vacation has been about that principle in a lot of ways - staying in the present and enjoying the minutes, forgetting (or at least being ok with the idea that) you are skipping work in favor of having fun, mind melding with the random people you meet and not questioning it.
I must admit, this vacation has been a ride of emotions for me. I have felt at times thankful, lonely, annoyed, ludicrously happy, tired, regretful about work, reflective and truly sad. If this weekend was a microcosm for my life, then it did a pretty good job in representation.
As I sit down trying to finish NaNo and thinking about my priorities for tomorrow's work catch-up day, I wonder about why I am so focused on the past and the future. The feeling that I last posted about in The Real Thanksgiving is something that I wish I could commit to, but it has been the hardest struggle just to achieve it for a couple of hours. I am always thinking about the moment that it will pass or change.

Anyway, perhaps the solution is not to dwell on those subjects for the time being. Switching mindsets, here is a list of some of the truly amazing things I did in this short weekend:

1. Finished my alien color scarf (pictured above)
2. Met up with friends from Seattle who go to East Coast schools (and made a new friend out of one of their roommates!)
3. Explored Manhattan at night and walked for hours and hours on end
4. Followed the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade from 66th to 34th street on foot
5. Bought fancy fancy yarn for two upcoming projects (not telling what they are till they're finished!)
6. Ate Thanksgiving dinner twice: once alone at a great restaurant and the second time with fabulous friends from pre-college!
7. Made goat cheese mashed potatoes and pumpkin cream pie (so bomb!)
8. Walked the Brooklyn Bridge from end to end in the nighttime (by the way, whose idea was it to have see-through wooden slats on the Brooklyn Bridge walking path?)
9. Talked philosophy and other hardcore subjects late into the night with AU friend affectionately known as Catskill
10. Spent time eating excellent Bengali food with my friend in Queens

Thank you everyone who made this weekend special and great.

Want to see what else I've been knitting?

Lists: 19x19 Birthday Lessons & Loves

(click to see a larger version)

Today is my 19th birthday. It was a fairly low key affair spent with gourmet pizza, vegan desserts (Pala Pizza and Babycakes are both delicious!), and my dear roommate Liberty. For the workaholic in me, there was also a gift: I mandated that I could do no work today for any class, enforced by said roommate. And so, as I lounged around on subways and reflected on this year in my life, I thought I would do something rather silly and awesome. Make a list.
But unlike regular lists of to-dos and goals for the future, this list is one that looks back on my life lessons and loves in my first 19 years. The collage above and the anecdotes below are representatives of some of my best-loved words of wisdom and material possessions nowadays. The items are in no particular order. So, without further ado, here is my 19 by 19 list.*

19. Big dreams, little steps
I have always been a big dreamer. When I was in kindergarten, I announced proudly that I wanted to be a writer, and that hasn't much changed in all my years of life. I have molded it to fit in with a practical lifestyle, but it persists in my mind as one of my most important goals. Becoming a writer, as defined by me, has come in a series of steps. Step one: write a lot. Step two: write badly. Step three: ameliorate said bad writing. Step four: repeat for years and years until finally you can look back on your writing and say 'hey, maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.' That's the stage I am at now. By this time, I have written three novels (unpublished as of yet), a running set of blogs, a set of short stories and poems, and several zines and personal essays. And I'm still going at it by forcing myself to write and finding the diamonds in the rough.

18. Artichokes, mushrooms, and olives [my favorite veggies ever!]

17. Trying new things
I am a terrible beginner. I get frustrated if it doesn't come easily. When I was in my angst-riddled teen years, I used to throw things (knitting needles, video game controllers, dumbbells...) across the room. But, at my now great age and wisdom, I have learned to combat it. I will always get frustrated when I don't understand or feel completely uncoordinated at something (*cough* roller derby *cough*), but my desire to try new things will generally prevail. I tell myself: "You love to do these things. Why would you give up now?" And usually that's all I need.

16. Zines, podcasts and blogs [independent media rocks my socks off]
Some suggestions:
PODCASTS: Stuff Mom Never Told You, Stuff You Should Know, Body Love Wellness podcast, The Moth podcast, This American Life, and (for those of you ok with raunchy sometimes sexist humor) The Mens Room podcast
BLOGS: Already Pretty, Body Love Wellness, Weightless, New York Times Wellness blog, Sepia Mutiny, FunkyBrownChick, Racialicious, Feministing, Salon Broadsheet, How Stuff Works, GalaDarling, Refuse the Silence, and Well Woman (those are the ones I read daily or write for... I am an information nerd)
ZINES: Too many to count - check out the Barnard Zine Library if you're in NYC or ZAPP in Richard Hugo House if you're in the Seattle area! (my zines are featured in both these locations)

15. Body acceptance
This has been something I've struggled with since I was in my early teenage years. I learned that I didn't "look right" as compared to my white, thin, more developed peers, and my depressive years made that stick with me. But, since coming to college, there's been a profound change in this outlook. Culminating with my daily outfit photo project, I have become more used to the way my body looks and how I want it to look. The two have reconciled, which makes me feel much more safe in my own skin.

14. Handmade items & photographs

13. Long-distance relationships
I didn't know Josh and I were headed towards this until we got here. We were dating in high school and now... now it's bee 1 1/2 years, half of it when I was away at college. The internet makes it easier, but this type of relationship is inherently hard. I feel like we've proven our mettle as a couple just by attempting it, which makes me feel like - dare I say it? - we might stay together for a long time.

12. Letters/notebooks/paper [the tools of the trade]

11. Self-love
Yoga, sleep, reading, writing, taking long baths, crafting, moving my body, eating delicious things... these are some of my methods of self-love. What are yours?

10. Clothing from the thrift store [e.g. the majority of my wardrobe]

9. Passions & self-study
School is only (or even less than) half of all the learning you do in your young life. College has opened my horizons on a lot of things that I was interested beforehand, but never got the chance to see in depth. But I think that having a passion outside of school really enriches your life. I have many - from DIY to derby - but it's ok if you just have one or two. Josh has guitar and an encyclopedic knowledge of diseases. How about you?

8. Books [please, become as addicted to bookstores, manga and fiction as I am]
7. Small adventures in NYC [which you could argue are actually huge, but frequent]
6. Headphones & Sansa Fuze

5. Living with others
I can't imagine not living with other people. I was afraid to sleep alone at a friend's house for many years, and still feel some discomfort in empty rooms. I think it's a valuable experience to learn independence and how to set up boundaries, even if you decide you want to live alone later on.

4. Roller skates

3. Creating
Creating anything from a knitted scarf to a collage to a piece of writing is always an awesome feeling. It's something that is fundamentally yours and so personal.

2. Good food [and the occasional Top Ramen fix]

1. Growing
I have been wrong a lot in my life. Although, even now, I get a bit miffed if I am wrong about a subway train or a random fact, I also believe that being wrong is a source of growth. Of healing. I don't have to be correct all the time in order to be wanted or capable of something. I think that growing up enough to know that is perhaps one of the greatest lessons I've come to know.

*The idea for this list was inspired by Marissa Falco's mini-zine 39, which can be found on the shelves in the Barnard Zine Library (and I had to read it for work!)

If you enjoy this list, check out the plethora of lists I make on a regular basis.

Another Month, Another List

I have a love/hate relationship with lists.

At the beginning of every month, I get out my well-worn planner and write two lists down in red pen: Accomplishments and Goals. The notes can range from personal things (like, see more of the city) to academic things (make sure to get homework done in advance) to just practical things (make sure to buy groceries every week). I have completed this "tradition" since the end of last school year - and, so far, it has been pretty profitable.
It seems like just another to-do list, of which I make many over the course of just one day, but this one is slightly different. I rarely look back at these goals over the course of the month. I forget most of them in a few days. But, for some reason, I find myself at the end of the month having completed most - if not all - of the goals and then some. Somewhere in my subconscious, those goals are lurking around, predicating what I do with my time.

So, that's the good part about making lists. They can really program your brain to think linearly, to make things happen, to finish things off. But there are some things about making lists that also make me feel insane.
Have you ever made a list and felt that it was controlling your life? That it was going to judge you for not finishing it? These ideas sound absurd, but when you become a chronic list-maker like I am, it's hard to get away.

On the weekends, I will still make lists of what I need to do. Deviation from this list feels like breaking out from a padded cell - I spend some time lazing around on Low steps or walking through the city, and I feel both reckless and nervous. What if I don't get everything done on time? What if I don't finish the list?
I feel like I'm drowning in work and even my own free time activities feel like another burden to be ticked off. On top of that, it reduces my personal spontaneity and creativity.

So, what is there to do? Shall I be chained to my to-do list, never getting time to sleep in or wander the city without guilt? The predictable answer is 'no.'
I'm still learning as I go, but refraining from obsessive list making is the first step. Making a list only for specific things (homework, say, but not free time activities). And I have to make sure that I find a new down-time past time - yes, I make lists every time I am bored, even if they are repeats. Lists can never fully disappear from my life, but they don't need to take it over either.

Movie Reviews (Now With Lists!)

Here are the reviews for this week! Three in-theaters movies for me and a joint review of The Saint from Liberty and I. She has opted for a creative list review style, which is actually quite fetching because it brings new life to the older titles that we are watching. As always, if you don't like spoilers, you may not want to read on.

LIBERTY:
The Saint: Ways in Which This Movie is UTTERLY RIDICULOUS (A List Review):

1) He wears disguises, but is always recognizably Val Kilmer. Even when he is in his most effective disguise, the nerd one, he is still clearly Val Kilmer. However, his Russian maid outfit is just awesome. His accents are also pretty terrible. They slide all over the place and are ridiculous, especially his British one. And his Southern one. And his weird Swiss one…

2) The bad guy’s son carries a cane for no reason. He doesn’t even use it as a weapon, so why does he have it? Is that what the sons of Russian mobsters do to be cool? He is pretty clearly trying so hard to be cool, with his ponytail and his smarmy attitude.

3) Apparently Russian mobsters gather in fancy clubs and listen to traditional folk music while watching RAT RACES??? Seriously? I’d banned that from my mind, so it was a surprise when I re-watched it. They don’t have anything better to do with their time and money? I would think that they would play poker or something gangster-y, but no. Apparently I am not cut out to be a gangster, because I do not see the appeal of RAT RACES. (Well, I can see it a little…maybe.)

4) Sex scene: there is a weird song playing in the background that sounds like a Alanis Morrisete song, but extremely grating…then they play soft “ooh, this is a sex scene” music over it, which just makes an odd contrast that made it even more awkward.

5) Russia as our usual American enemy. Surely we could find another enemy? Although there are actually some good Russians in this, so that’s a decent change…

6) Whore with a heart of gold trope rears its head again.

7) One black character in the entire movie, but at least he doesn’t die!

8) Attacking someone with a chandelier: always a valid life choice.

9) And yet…I really do love this movie. It is terrible and ridiculous, but it is endearing. I mock it because I love it, even though I don’t know why. The weird mix of 90s action movie silliness combined with Val Kilmer being handsome and dressed in silly disguises makes something in my brain very happy. I hadn’t watched this movie in a long time, and its flaws are more apparent to me now, but I still thoroughly enjoyed it.

JORDAN:
Review of Despicable Me:
First of all, congratulations Illuminations Studios on your first film! Second, it was really good! While both my boyfriend and I agree that the ending was a little rushed, Despicable Me took me on another sophisticated romp in the land of animated films. It was reminiscent of the quirkiness of Up (which is my all-time favorite animated movie) and the kiddy jokes that attract kids in the first place. I also think that Steve Carrell really did not sound like himself, but was consistent enough to create a believable Gru character with his accent. I really loved this movie because it was an alternative tale about the competition between supervillains rather than heroes and also showed some complex relationships. Gru, a single man, adopts three orphan girls, which was interesting, and the bank teller (from the Bank of Evil: formerly Lehman Brothers, haha) has a derelict son that he tries to bring up as a strong supervillain. Overall, the little girls were also extremely interesting and had distinct personalities to satisfy my desire for movies not to stereotype women. I suggest, however, not to see this movie in 3D because I was already reeling from the graphics in a 2D theater.

Review of The Sorcerer's Apprentice:
This movie was strangely entertaining, but only because of the special effects and fighting scenes. There were a lot of pretty scenes and interesting characters, but I felt that the acting was phoned in and often terrible. I cringed at the "dramatic teacher voice" that Nicholas Cage put on whenever he wanted to say something. Although I am happy that he is paying his bills, this movie was not made better by his presence. And the student to Nicholas Cage's teacher was very annoying at moments; I wanted to get to know his girlfriend more, but she was made into an accent character. Basically all the sorcerers were made into accent characters as well - when I wanted to get to know someone, they were killed within 3 minutes. So, though the movie had an interesting premise and there were a lot of cool cinematic tricks tossed in, I felt like The Sorcerer's Apprentice was really just an excuse to throw together all of Hollywood's special effects and not pay any attention to the storyline or character acting.

Review of Inception:
This was such a complex movie. If you are in the mood for a sit-back movie where you don't have to think, this is not the one for you. But I found it amazing because it kept me involved the whole way through. There were layers of dreams and interesting plot twists and the director allowed you to choose your ending, almost as if you were in a really well-written book. Leonardo DiCaprio has been doing some stellar work with psychological dramas these days and I think that it suits him well; others said that he was phoning in this performance because it was typical of him to be the dramatic man in a tortured lifestyle, but this performance blew me away. I think that the support cast was also great - Ellen Page really came into her own in this movie, separating herself from lighter dramas such as Juno and Whip It. And Michael Caine was just a nice touch (I say this because I love him, even when he doesn't do too much). Anyway, the movie overall was full of great and believable special effects coupled with great action and an awesome concept. I felt that the complexity was great and that the movie was well-timed, so you had enough time to think through all the previous scenes as you were watching. However, I think I will watch this movie again just to see what my new interpretations are. If you like to re-watch movies, this is also one of those that you can see again and again with a new feeling.

Review of The Saint:
Wow, this movie was confusing at first! I didn't understand the relationship between Val Kilmer's orphanage past and his present con-man actions until mid-way through the movie. I think that there is a nice tie-in with the name thing, but those scenes seem to be questionable at best. Also, this movie had the MOST AWKWARD RELATIONSHIP EVER. When he was attracting the woman to con her, I felt like the movie was diving slowly into a soft-core porn. And, in the end, it seemed again like the smart woman was tempted by sex into going for the bad boy, as often Hollywood movies go. There were just some bizarre choices that were made in this movie - he falls in the river and gets hypothermia, the Russians are watching rat races, and everyone is freaking out about Americans. Weird... times... In the end, I didn't feel a particular draw to this movie or a particular dislike. It was just a movie, plain and simple, and so I think if you wanted to watch it when you are very bored, then it might be entertaining with its absurdity.

Make sure to take a look at the other movie reviews Liberty and I wrote and our other collaborative work: comic alterna-history zine The Bearniverse.

Speaking with Myself

In the last week or so, I have decided.
Yes, decisions were made. Big and small, long-term and short-term... but all in the name of rejuvenating my motivation. And, thankfully, it seems to be coming back (yippee!). So let's see what some of them are...

1. Junk food detox - currently, I am on day 3 of this; no junk food for a week in order to reset my eating habits. Willpower! Must... be strong...
2. Journaling - I realized, recently, that I don't need to pour out all my problems onto other people when I can have a relatively simple fix by writing it down. So, I have begun daily autopsies of my current state. Not for this blog, but my private journal (something I haven't done since 7th or 8th grade - imagine that!)
3. Note-taking & writing - writing has been sooo far away from me lately. Like, lightyears. After going to Write-o-Rama this weekend and re-awakening my love of writing down crazy random things and making zines (which are just perfect for miniature thoughts, haha), I realized I cannot just put down writing until I go to college. It's something to be done in the here and now! And, it is something to post up on this blog.
4. Bursting of stage fright - I took the opportunity to do some performance work at Write-o-Rama; needless to say, I'm out of practice. But, I believe that, after bursting my stage fright bubble with my grad speech, I have to memorize, internalize, and personalize it before I can find it acceptable. The nervousness is because I haven't worked with it yet. I haven't molded it into what I want it to be. So, that's my next step.
5. Stuff to do! - I made another, much longer, list of things to do. And it includes biking with my dad, cooking something daily, and a lot of other projects that will occupy me with the act of doing something. My biggest realization? Start now. I have been putting off many of these items because of petty reasons ("It's not summer..." "There are other things to do right now...") but what does it matter if I finish this book next Wednesday or in August? There are always new things to start later.
6. Explore Washington - belatedly, I want to explore my home state. With my boyfriend, with my friends, we will pass through the memories and create new ones before I go. (Come to think of it, it sounds fairly dreary when I say it that way...)
7. Returning to old passions - perhaps the most important on this list, I have decided to return to moments that I love but have chosen not to do. Writing is one, yoga is a big second. Then there are just other things that I haven't even thought about doing but know I want to - like knitting a project other than the squares, photography, making a collage, and re-learning how to Photoshop. All very important things that I seem to have let quaver along the way.

Time and time again, I have these realizations. Most of this list is hopeful in nature; I haven't yet done everything but definitely will work on it. I want to re-establish who I am and do stuff for me. School has taken that away from me, but it's not the only culprit. I have definitely let my steadfastness slide with the final weeks of school trickling down...

Countdown: 8 days left.
See you at the finish line!

I am grateful for...
This sentence: "I have sent you nothing but angels," said by God in the story The Little Soul and the Sun, which my yoga teacher suggested when I asked her about how to control anger. You should read it; it can be found here: The Little Soul and the Sun

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.