Believe

Monday, April 27, 2009


This is such the more epic tennis shot than the one they gave me for sports photos! (Curse those fools! They cut out my multi-colored socks!)
Anyway, I have been reading a lot of blogs, articles, and things-that-generally-aren't-books in the past few days and realizing: they're just as valuable. I have not had the urge to pick up a novel recently; blogs, poems, Adbusters, National Geographic, and psychology texts like Brain Rules have been filling my radar. Enriching in a completely different way.
...
I think that I'm talking about all this stuff because I haven't been doing anything out of the ordinary. Other than the wayward dilettante affair with art-planning or lazing about the house, I have really just been playing tennis, going to school, and being the average kid that I am. It's nice, in some ways, but it also makes me think that what I'm doing in class is meaningless push-around before the exam. Nevertheless, we trudge onward.
Maybe I should just make my all-famous lists.

Things I'm Looking Forward To:
- College
- Graduation (oh! I wrote my speech draft, yay!)
- Getting a Sidekick
- Prom (once all this crazy planning stuff is finalized)
- Intramural all-year-long tennis (I have recently discovered that this sport, which I love, will keep me in shape forever)
- Finishing my college blanket (so huge and warm...)
- Taking apart my room to pack
- All the friends and family coming for graduation
- Growing my fingernails out (which is code for 'stop biting!')
- Sewing and crafting and knitting
- Coming back to the earth and the love of God
- Writing my next poem or short story
- You.

Anyway, after this moment of flappery, I think I'm going to do some light bio reading and nod off - another thing I've done for the past few days (not exciting, but definitely out of the ordinary) was to sleep in extra-much. I went to bed at 8PM last night and woke up at 3AM because of it. Then I fell back asleep and felt completely refreshed at 5AM when I really did get up. Ah... the strange life ness.

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Missions into the Future..

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Today has been a strangely slow day - which has made me anxious and reflective for most of it.
The anxiety probably stems mostly from my inability to write this graduation speech (agh!). I have all the material that I want to talk about; I think I just burned out on flow from the mind-numbing repetition of the school day. However, it's only 2:45pm, so I guess I can't really complain about a time deficiency and "other commitments."
The reflection (or perhaps, more accurately, introspection) has brought me a lot of thought on the future. Though it may be only the relatively near future, it's still starting to get in my head. Things like:

- Testing starts in 1 week! --> I have to review! And then I will work on my goal of 1 knit square per day during testing season.
- The end of spring sports season is in 2 weeks! --> I must go back to the gym/keep up my workout regimen.
- Prom is in 3 weeks! --> I have to call in for reservations of things TODAY! And then organize people. And then buy tickets. And then explode.

The last day of real "school" follows that on June 18th and then graduation on June 22nd (speech!). And then it's the summer and people are here and I don't really have to worry all that much for a while... just a lot of hanging out, working on stuff, finishing self-projects, and having fun! I'm still really excited to get my housing stuff - I want it soon! But nothing that I talk about is really in the here and now. Everything is preceding something, and I'm anxious/charged up to get there. I am really terrible at focusing.
Looking up but not in, as it were.

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More writing and stories are also available for your reading pleasure.

Read In Bed

Thursday, April 23, 2009


I actually found a way that I can read in bed without getting angry at myself - magazine articles!
Usually, when it is night and I'm not tired and all I can think about is reading, I don't do it because I feel like I shouldn't start something at night [it's some weird mentality thing..] But, last night, I had the "crazy" idea to pick up National Geographic and start reading the Hatshepshut article (I have not been caught up on reading lately - that issue was from last month!). It satisfied my reading palate and encourages me to read more at night! Hooray!
Aside from that, I am really debating whether I should go back to work on this weight issue of mine or whether I'm happy enough where I'm at. I am healthy, and I think that the issue now is just that self-confidence, goal-oriented thing that I wanted to avoid but got sucked into anyway. Ugh. I I am fine at 31" waistline and 130-135 pounds, but now I just want to be that "wee bit" smaller. It's saddening.
Actually, I think the more depressing part of it is that I'm just feeling as if I'm eating terribly. And that's something I want to reverse regardless of the weight thing. I don't want to eat chocolate and candies whenever I see them - therefore, I am going to go back on my regimen. Without the constant tracking and etc., but definitely back on the few-bad-foods program. Yay?
Life, love, and the pursuit of your dreams!
Tangentially, I wrote a small piece during some downtime in government relating to the Hatshepshut article. Sort of. I'll post it below.
We could be remembered; we could be forgotten.
Yesterday, as I turned the pages of
National Geographic, She-King Hatshepshut rose again from the pages. The smell of glossies and color ink, though unable to give the same olfactory insights as dust and myrrh, still resonated with her story. The words and color photographs raised her from the dead in all but the physical sense - this cross-dressing heroine from the anals of history.
As I turned to the first page of her article, her mummified horror opens the scene. Surprisingly, I am less afraid than in awe. Her face, just recently re-discovered on the floor of a forgotten tomb, holds a wizened beauty that makes me wonder where the social stigma of thin, pale women came from. Hidden in the pages of the article, Egyptologists and authors alike poke fun at the idea that she was described as a beauty to gaze upon when her corpse had the body more of a "wet-nurse" than a queen. I turn the page, scan the photographs of her statues, and espy her well-fed features. She is a beauty in her own right - and her power could match any pharaoh, best any man.
We are always fascinated by ancient exceptions. Reading Hatshepshut back to life brings me to think on my monologue - the colorful language of another historic female, Joan of Arc. These words are transcribed, preserved, re-written time and again. Yet they still have the power to surprise and delight. Why? Because, in that little space of the mind, we hope that we too will live on like these wonders, these relics that withstood death. And time.
But, for now, we are nobodies.


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More writing and stories are also available for your reading pleasure.

Reset Button

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Happy Earth Day! Sadly, the only things Earth-themed that I did today was look up videos relating to it and printing out a piece of paper with all my group's ideas on it...
Aside from that, I realized in the past few days that I've been missing the journal-esque feeling that blogging gave me. I have been lax with my posting and I've just felt... off. So, as to not disservice myself, I will come back more regularly again! Hooray!
I have really been feeling like I need a "Reset" version of the Staples "Easy" button; recently, I have noticed that every obstacle I face makes me more drained and put out. But (after paper journaling) my new decision has come forth that I will treat these obstacles more as new bends in the road - you know, every end starts a new beginning and every obstacle starts a new process. For example, with testing, even though the leading-up-to-test review period is harsh and soul-sucking, I know that on the other side of the tests is the end of our senior year. It marks an accomplishment that we have been working towards for 2 years already, just as graduation culminates our 4 years of experience. Testing season is just less... formal [sweatpants, yay!] After this revelation, I feel a lot more at ease with myself - less wishing that I was somewhere else, although that still exists, and more devoted to the present moment.
Also, for the past few weeks, I have been intensely happy. Seriously. I may have some little tiffs with friends and some issues at school, but my general contentedness has just skyrocketed! And that's pretty much amazing. For the last few days, I have been blessed to be the most random person in phone conversations with Kita and Heathy (at the same time!) and hanging out with people I really do like. Unfortunately, this intense happiness has somewhat led me astray from my lifestyle changes [ehehe... chocolate... ehehe... homework...] yet it has brought me that feeling of youth that I just can't miss out on - seriously, what are you supposed to do when it's sunny in Washington? Sit at home with a textbook and carrot sticks?
I think that my "Reset" button is only going to come from me. There are some things that I will definitely keep in this respawn [such as the ammunition of intense happiness and elevated skill level of patience] but I want to retrieve my time management badge and return to that judicious health plan that will boost my HP by over 9000... Does anyone know why I'm talking like a gamer?
Let us celebrate the upcoming!
2 weeks until exams!
2 weeks until the end of tennis season!
2 months until the end of senior year, summer, and seeing my family/best friends again!
<5 months until moving into college!
6 months and 2 days until I turn 18!
Infinite time for one to love themselves! Happy Earth Day!

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I Hate to Say It But...

Thursday, April 16, 2009


...I am procrastinating again. Seriously, I have 1 essay left out of 3, and I'm a quarter finished with it, but the motivation just fell out beneath my feet right now. So... blog post!
I am proud to say that the muse has returned to me - I am able now to write spontaneously without the uphill battle of finding something to talk about. I have been writing poetry and memories down in class, trying to reestablish that great old writer personality. I don't know who I envision my writer self as... I prefer to think of her as a figurehead far away that I can see nothing but the outline of in gold against blackness.
Anyway, after the week of liberation, I still feel the social disconnect that comes with going back to school - though I still want to hang out randomly, people actually have work and assignments to complete. I am just a little ball of energy trying to bottle herself up, so, for now, I am making many plans to do stuff for/with myself but completely ignoring the logical limitations of time and my own tasks. Hence the procrastination! Isn't it joyous?
Well... I am starting to feel that the attempt to write more words than my essay itself is pulling at me, so I will leave you with this sad/happiness:
Yesterday, I went on a whim to See's Candies (Warren Buffett owns it!) and bought a 12 piece chocolate box. But then... as I was walking out... I dropped it all over the sidewalk! I was almost crying because I hate to waste money on something that can't be replaced... luckily, my dad wasn't mad and decided that he would eat the chocolates that fell. We went back to get another box, thankfully, but I was just thinking about how easily I am influenced. Period. I was about to cry over chocolates spilling on the ground - seriously? I guess it just goes to show you the emotional sensitivity I carry around with me. Something old and new. It's a strange prospect, but I kind of got the feeling that my dad has been humoring these little eccentricities of mine for a large portion of my life (eating the spilled chocolates, giving me a little bit of extra cash, telling me to stay home when I'm sick...). He's always given me the option of being just a little off, and I thank him.

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Spring Break: A Photographic Journey

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

So, after I uploaded all the Sakuracon photographs, Blogger pretty much crashed. Haha. So this is the second installment of my spring break! Hooray! These photographs are primarily from two locations: a beach in Renton and Bellevue Downtown Park.
I used to do a lot of scenery work, even creating my own website for it, but lately I have been working on learning how to use my camera in a multitude of ways... So, this is a harkening back to an older time that I hope you enjoy!
(also, some of these photographs are courtesy of Joshka. Yay!)




























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SakuraCon: A Photographic Journey

I copied seventy-two pictures to cover spring break - a lot of them are Sakuracon photos, but there are also a bunch that are not. Here are the ones pertaining to Sakuracon; the next installment will be other spring break things. Now, for your viewing pleasure, last weekend:

Andi and I (as Machika from Immortal Rain)
Gina (front)
Gina (back)
Cute Crossdresser
Hottest Girl
Me (w/ my new fave sweatshirt)
From Princess Mononoke
Tuxedo Mask (a favorite of mine)
Cute!
Pretty Girl
Gir!!
Pedobear!
Pikmin
Amazing costumes!
Gina (eating raisins out of a wine glass - haha)
Fox McCloud!!
Cup o' Noodles!!
Zelda: Twilight Princess!
Amazing Wings!
Hot Zombies
Learning to dance before the Masquerade
Cute Crossdressing French Maid!
Awesome Pair
Swords and Hooves
Blue Centaurs
Tigress Mother!
Couple of Epicness
Sushi!!
Howl's Moving Castle!
Nessy!
Pyramid Head & Zombie Chick
Cute!!
Hottest Guy (The God of WAR!)
Creepy Pocky Stalker! (whose actually a cool guy)
Dealer's Room
Fumoffu!!
Hangry & Angry Cat 1
Jeffrey!!

I also attended and photographed SakuraCon 2010, so check out the pictures!
Check out some more posts featuring my photography.
Also, for you creative types, take a look at my drawings, art, and DeviantArt account, which all include more anime-related pieces and some lovely inspiration.