I Hate to Say It But...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

...I am procrastinating again. Seriously, I have 1 essay left out of 3, and I'm a quarter finished with it, but the motivation just fell out beneath my feet right now. So... blog post!
I am proud to say that the muse has returned to me - I am able now to write spontaneously without the uphill battle of finding something to talk about. I have been writing poetry and memories down in class, trying to reestablish that great old writer personality. I don't know who I envision my writer self as... I prefer to think of her as a figurehead far away that I can see nothing but the outline of in gold against blackness.
Anyway, after the week of liberation, I still feel the social disconnect that comes with going back to school - though I still want to hang out randomly, people actually have work and assignments to complete. I am just a little ball of energy trying to bottle herself up, so, for now, I am making many plans to do stuff for/with myself but completely ignoring the logical limitations of time and my own tasks. Hence the procrastination! Isn't it joyous?
Well... I am starting to feel that the attempt to write more words than my essay itself is pulling at me, so I will leave you with this sad/happiness:
Yesterday, I went on a whim to See's Candies (Warren Buffett owns it!) and bought a 12 piece chocolate box. But then... as I was walking out... I dropped it all over the sidewalk! I was almost crying because I hate to waste money on something that can't be replaced... luckily, my dad wasn't mad and decided that he would eat the chocolates that fell. We went back to get another box, thankfully, but I was just thinking about how easily I am influenced. Period. I was about to cry over chocolates spilling on the ground - seriously? I guess it just goes to show you the emotional sensitivity I carry around with me. Something old and new. It's a strange prospect, but I kind of got the feeling that my dad has been humoring these little eccentricities of mine for a large portion of my life (eating the spilled chocolates, giving me a little bit of extra cash, telling me to stay home when I'm sick...). He's always given me the option of being just a little off, and I thank him.

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