Read In Bed

I actually found a way that I can read in bed without getting angry at myself - magazine articles!
Usually, when it is night and I'm not tired and all I can think about is reading, I don't do it because I feel like I shouldn't start something at night [it's some weird mentality thing..] But, last night, I had the "crazy" idea to pick up National Geographic and start reading the Hatshepshut article (I have not been caught up on reading lately - that issue was from last month!). It satisfied my reading palate and encourages me to read more at night! Hooray!
Aside from that, I am really debating whether I should go back to work on this weight issue of mine or whether I'm happy enough where I'm at. I am healthy, and I think that the issue now is just that self-confidence, goal-oriented thing that I wanted to avoid but got sucked into anyway. Ugh. I I am fine at 31" waistline and 130-135 pounds, but now I just want to be that "wee bit" smaller. It's saddening.
Actually, I think the more depressing part of it is that I'm just feeling as if I'm eating terribly. And that's something I want to reverse regardless of the weight thing. I don't want to eat chocolate and candies whenever I see them - therefore, I am going to go back on my regimen. Without the constant tracking and etc., but definitely back on the few-bad-foods program. Yay?
Life, love, and the pursuit of your dreams!
Tangentially, I wrote a small piece during some downtime in government relating to the Hatshepshut article. Sort of. I'll post it below.
We could be remembered; we could be forgotten.
Yesterday, as I turned the pages of National Geographic, She-King Hatshepshut rose again from the pages. The smell of glossies and color ink, though unable to give the same olfactory insights as dust and myrrh, still resonated with her story. The words and color photographs raised her from the dead in all but the physical sense - this cross-dressing heroine from the anals of history.
As I turned to the first page of her article, her mummified horror opens the scene. Surprisingly, I am less afraid than in awe. Her face, just recently re-discovered on the floor of a forgotten tomb, holds a wizened beauty that makes me wonder where the social stigma of thin, pale women came from. Hidden in the pages of the article, Egyptologists and authors alike poke fun at the idea that she was described as a beauty to gaze upon when her corpse had the body more of a "wet-nurse" than a queen. I turn the page, scan the photographs of her statues, and espy her well-fed features. She is a beauty in her own right - and her power could match any pharaoh, best any man.
We are always fascinated by ancient exceptions. Reading Hatshepshut back to life brings me to think on my monologue - the colorful language of another historic female, Joan of Arc. These words are transcribed, preserved, re-written time and again. Yet they still have the power to surprise and delight. Why? Because, in that little space of the mind, we hope that we too will live on like these wonders, these relics that withstood death. And time.
But, for now, we are nobodies.

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More writing and stories are also available for your reading pleasure.

Take Me Away From Here..

Can you believe it? It's been a month since I've started writing 250 words a day. My Goal of the Month document now has 7500+ words in it [actually, since I write way too much sometimes, it has 12,200 words in it thus far]. I am on top of the world! And, I believe, I am going to start writing even more... to 500 words a day!
But that I will decide that this evening.
Once again, I am waking at 5am and hopefully will go to bed on time tonight at 9pm. This schedule has changed a lot of things in my life - I no longer watch TV nor do I have the same needs as everyone else when it comes to waking in the morning. Granted, I still forget some things, but I feel a lot more capable than I used to. And so, last night, I realized that I need to do another purge.
I am going to intensely clean the house (including places that aren't mine to tend) and find everything a place - including Goodwill or the landfill. I believe I can either sell or store the tiny television that I never use, separate myself from some childhood toys (or, better yet, turn them into craft objects) and tidy up all the places that have gone to hell in the last few weeks. Time for a change, right?
I also think that I want to buy some new clothing. Not sure exactly why, but maybe because I have been losing weight I want to treat myself. I don't want to call this a goal, but I think I will take it on regardless: when I lose 7 pounds [one pound more than I have already lost], I can buy 3 items of clothing (from the favorite thrift stores or Northgate).
Happy month-long journey!

Also, I don't know why this is my photograph for today. The angle is almost a mirror of yesterday's - one looking up and the other looking down. I think I was just sick of looking at cast photos.

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Cake

Today, I got sick.
Really sick - I still can't talk without sounding like a golem or some other fantastical creature that eludes my recollection at the moment. I'm doing better now, but I really hope that this throat thing goes away by this Friday [a.k.a. when we're opening the play].
Although, a good consolation prize was the fact that I got to stay home and do absolutely nothing for today. I listened to Barack Obama reading Dreams from My Father [an audiobook version which I downloaded two days ago] and watched The Daily Show online. I got to sit around and sleep and marvel at the fact that snow delayed school for one hour - and that it was truly unexpected.
And this time off made me re-realize one other thing. I... am a hopeless romantic.
I have half a piece of red velvet cake left and I haven't eaten it, so instead I decided to photograph it. And those are the photographs that you see today - that piece of uneaten cake that makes me think of everything lovey dovey about Valentine's Day coming up and the strong red tint of it in the bright daylight against the white of the frosting which is creamy and delicious and... only a completely hopeless person would find such entertainment from half a slice of cake.
On another note, I lost another 1.8 pounds, which means that I'm at 138 and well on my way to 130. I am hoping that these changes will keep me going until I get to my ultimate goal (120 lbs) but for right now I'm going to be a little lax because of my illness. There will be time to exercise and keep on plan, but for right now I think I might just bite into all the sweets I can without reservation - comfort food.
Seriously, though, I bet that slice won't even taste as good now.

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5 Hours

Five hours until I am supposed to go to bed and I have... a lot of stuff that I want to do before then. So, this probably will be brief. Probably.
I have lost 3.8 pounds! And I am pretty happy about it because that gets me back to my original weight of about 140. That means that, (knock on wood) if I continue in the way that I am going, I will get down to 130 [my goal weight] in no time! Hooray! I am glad to see that all my changes and choices are naught for naught (haha).
And hence this week ushers in the new exercise plan I was talking about yesterday and as well a new treatment of myself. Right now I am supremely freaking out about a lot of stuff so I think that giving myself exercise time will at least get the blood flowing instead. Who knows?
As of this moment, I have started reading again. I am now reading the book A Golden Age which is about the split between Bangladesh and Pakistan [it starts out very sad] and listening to a book When You Are Engulfed in Flames which is completely different [and started out with worms burrowing in someone's leg]. Eventually, I might review them... hmm.
And last but not least, I got my headphones back! And that's why the dramatic glossy product shot of my Sansa Fuze and Skullcandy headphones is my photograph for today [natural lighting is my weekend best friend]. I love them. *sigh*

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Story of My Life...

So, hopefully, I can bring up my health quotient by starting to go with a personal trainer (which my dad has so kindly decided to allow me to take instead of him). I feel kind of horrid that I wasn't getting any better with tennis or on my own, but I think that's because I'm not eating well either. It's somewhat de-motivating to look down at the scale and see that you're ten pounds heavier, even though you've been working out and whatnot.
I think I'll start tracking calories like Heathy said, and then also go with the 1 hour workout every day in order to keep up with fitness. If I do that, I would like to get down under 130 pounds, because that is my 'ideal weight' or so they say. I would really like to build arm strength and stamina and perhaps some tennis skills, but right now general fitness is my goal.
Gah. Sorry. I just needed to write that down because I got really unhappy with myself when I figured this out. I thought I was 140, but it's been so long since I've weighed me that I am now 150. Grr... Other than that, I feel quite fine.
I've decided that I will be doing a lot of things, and most of them are brain-oriented. That's the problem. I want to be well-rounded, but that 'rounding' includes fitness and the idea of self-worth. I'm starting to feel good about myself, and I'm starting to really find who I am, but at the same time that's still a start. I need to be disciplined to get anywhere from it. And, since I am quite the willful child, I guess I have to do things on my own. So...
Coming Soon:
J With A Workout Schedule
J Writing in Action
J Being Socially Sound