What Blogging Has Taught Me

I started this blog in 2007 as a place to essentially blurt out my thoughts in rants and other highly-energetic forms of writing. This week, I have been going through all (literally: every single one) of my blog posts in order to retroactively label and interlink them (as per the advice of Darren Rowse of Problogger) with more current posts, and it has brought me to see how I've changed over the years since I've started this blog. So, I would like to share some of the interesting reflections I've had on writing here and growing up.

Reset Button

Happy Earth Day! Sadly, the only things Earth-themed that I did today was look up videos relating to it and printing out a piece of paper with all my group's ideas on it...
Aside from that, I realized in the past few days that I've been missing the journal-esque feeling that blogging gave me. I have been lax with my posting and I've just felt... off. So, as to not disservice myself, I will come back more regularly again! Hooray!
I have really been feeling like I need a "Reset" version of the Staples "Easy" button; recently, I have noticed that every obstacle I face makes me more drained and put out. But (after paper journaling) my new decision has come forth that I will treat these obstacles more as new bends in the road - you know, every end starts a new beginning and every obstacle starts a new process. For example, with testing, even though the leading-up-to-test review period is harsh and soul-sucking, I know that on the other side of the tests is the end of our senior year. It marks an accomplishment that we have been working towards for 2 years already, just as graduation culminates our 4 years of experience. Testing season is just less... formal [sweatpants, yay!] After this revelation, I feel a lot more at ease with myself - less wishing that I was somewhere else, although that still exists, and more devoted to the present moment.
Also, for the past few weeks, I have been intensely happy. Seriously. I may have some little tiffs with friends and some issues at school, but my general contentedness has just skyrocketed! And that's pretty much amazing. For the last few days, I have been blessed to be the most random person in phone conversations with Kita and Heathy (at the same time!) and hanging out with people I really do like. Unfortunately, this intense happiness has somewhat led me astray from my lifestyle changes [ehehe... chocolate... ehehe... homework...] yet it has brought me that feeling of youth that I just can't miss out on - seriously, what are you supposed to do when it's sunny in Washington? Sit at home with a textbook and carrot sticks?
I think that my "Reset" button is only going to come from me. There are some things that I will definitely keep in this respawn [such as the ammunition of intense happiness and elevated skill level of patience] but I want to retrieve my time management badge and return to that judicious health plan that will boost my HP by over 9000... Does anyone know why I'm talking like a gamer?
Let us celebrate the upcoming!
2 weeks until exams!
2 weeks until the end of tennis season!
2 months until the end of senior year, summer, and seeing my family/best friends again!
<5 months until moving into college!
6 months and 2 days until I turn 18!
Infinite time for one to love themselves! Happy Earth Day!

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Tangential

10 True Statements:
I am challenging myself to stay calm.
I must be obsessing over extreme crops and fabric shots.
I watched The Daily Show interview with Jim Cramer - and got freaked out about our economy [again].
I would like to make a collage, but I can only slave away over knit squares.
I should never eat lunch right before practice; my sides started cramping so bad I had to walk the mile yesterday.
I am secretly [now not-so] grateful that the game was canceled (partly because of the time off and partly because I really want to play in our first match).
I am going to tolo with Quinn.
I told Da to make a vegetable soup today - and it actually tasted good!
I found out I like cabbage, which is weird.
I let my anger/frustration come back today, and, no matter what I tried to make it go away, it got the better of me.
The 11th True Statement:
I am really excited for tomorrow because it concludes the week, concludes my PPP, begins and concludes Group IV, and allows me to start my creative process again. Hoorah!

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.
And, if you like the photo, see what else I've been knitting!

Part of My Self

Not a typo, I swear.
I was just reading on GalaDarling again, and on the email updates from TUT's Adventurers Club, and I am confused. Confusion seems to be the opportune mot; I am feeling as if a continental shift must occur.
I... well. The first thing I need is to do my classic action: make a list. Then maybe I can sort out my personal confusions into easier managed bits.

List of My Self Presently:
1. I complain too much. So what if I have tons of work and there are people that annoy me, etc? It's not like I need to talk about it all the time. There are a lot of great things going on in my life as well that I should focus on more readily.
2. I am creative. Sometimes I feel as if everyone else is doing something more personally fulfilling than I am. Ka-chan has her art, there are writing classes I can't take, the boys are so much better at sports... but, seriously? I have the opportunity to sit down and write, to knit, to make collages and work on whatever I want. A varied amount of interests and a world to explore.
3. I am NOT OLD. When you're at the end of something, I think there's just this feeling of being 'old.' Coming out of high school, obviously, does not make you physically old. But there are just some telling signs that you've been around the block. I think that's part of why college seems exciting - it's a chance to be new again! But for right now, we are not old. I am not old. It is just a different circumstance than it will be in a few months.
4. I am not alone. I forget that a lot of the time because I focus on relationships in terms of intimacy. In that sense, I have no one. But there are always people to call [Heathy, Charlotte], people to hang out with [Grant, Kita], and people to make conversation with [my tennis team... haha]. So, in a way, I have become a closet optimist by remembering that there are other types of relationships out there that don't have anything to do with making out on someone's couch.
5. I am one person - and that person is not 'we.' Maybe it's from being part of a collective lately that I have treated individuality as somewhat... strange. Like it's all cool to be going to something alone or that I am just oh-so-odd to take some time for myself. No! That's the theater/tennis/class-of-2009 mentality that 'we' are all in this together. In a few months, we will no longer be together. It will be me (at college, granted, with friends, granted - but always me) that wields the power to make my own choices. And that's it.

So that's what's been confusing me lately. I believe a lot of it can change, which is nice. Change is difficult, but I've done it before and I hope to do it again - nothing gets accomplished without a little pushing.
Possible solutions that I constantly need reminding of: call friends, take a break, do something creative, knit, start a project, read, write journal entries, exercise... LIVE.

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.