So... I Hit A Bump

Thursday, December 25, 2008

I started watching TV again. I finished an essay draft but then felt guilty today for not producing the same result. I started knitting, realized that I was making it a task, and slumped back to watch a marathon of Mythbusters. Go figure.
But I have found a couple of interesting articles that are making me feel like I can get up again. I am going to call this day just a bump, and then get over it and work on stuff for the next week and a half with renewed vigor. Probably because I am going to put up my goals/plans on here so that whenever I click the link I know what is going on. Enjoy.
December 26th - January 5th Goals:
- Write...
- JFK essay
- HAMSA essay
- APIASF essays
- Davidson Fellows portfolio
- Edit...
- Elks essay,
- Extended Essay
- Research Investigation
- Sustainability essay
- Create...
- A Greeting Card
- Memorize...
- Midsummer
- Finish...
- French cultural project
- Jane Eyre
- Outlining Speak
- Theater reviews
- Sweater
- Letters to PCP friends
- Letter to Chiara

Do Something Beautiful

Thursday, December 18, 2008 [UPDATE: video has been removed]
I don't know why, but after watching this video I am completely inspired. To do some random things and things that are fun - I think people just don't do absurd things here because there isn't a soundtrack playing back to them all the time. Maybe that's the intrigue of it: make your own soundtrack, your own montage to living.
I cannot believe how grateful I am to be alive.
And I know I wanted to put 'sometimes' after that sentence, but really it is all the time. I know there are a lot of things I don't feel good about here, but at least there are many things that I will always, always love.

Ready To Find...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

...people who really believe and love themselves.
I think that I've found a lot of amazing people and I wouldn't give them up for the world. And I get to see them, and I get to talk to them, and I get to know them, and it is awesome. But there are also the people I just crowd my life with because they are there and conveniently live in proximity.
It's not like I hate these people, and it's always fun to just have casual hangouts - I just feel like I should be living with people who really can carry on my conversations and won't be embarrassed of me/degrade me for having some strangeness.
I am so excited for my future. I got into Barnard. ^_^
I'm soooo ecstatic that it's almost numbing to think about - New York City, color, light, my friends, my college! I feel crazy and renewed and happy and a little scared and Just. So. Ready.
And it's just great because this renews my energy after a pretty defeated last few weeks. I am feeling great and ready to do scholarships, and make the most of winter break, and finish my IB Diploma, and keep going and going. It's about 5.5 months until we graduate and that's when the real fireworks come in! I can't even believe I can say those words - it's like I'm tasting the city right this second.
We had a fake snow day today and an art showing [featuring Ka-chan] yesterday and I just got to appreciating all the amazing people in my life. And yet of course there comes the idea of school crashing down on our heads again - as it inevitably will. At least I can gaze outward and say '4 more days in school before break' and then it will be true. I am worn out. And I will write more letters, I promise.
Next year is on the horizon and I hope that I can find some more of me before I go to college. Teach myself some new things, find that beautiful self that needs no man and no woman to support it - just love, breath, sweat and God. I am so ready for the future: here it comes now!

Want to know what happened when I got there? Check out these posts from my life at Barnard and in NYC.

Amazed, Crazed, and Overly Tired

Monday, December 1, 2008

It's December 1st and I am sitting here quite amazed at the NaNo novel I just punched out of myself. 50,252 words according to the NaNo counter, 50,039 according to mine [I prefer the former]. It's the end of our 4 day break and it feels like nothing - but it was fun nothing, so I can't really complain. I am waiting on new tech, nervous about college, happy to be playing Hermia, and returning to yoga. I am feeling very good, but also ready to break out.
[Just to prepare, there will be only a few sentences that don't begin with 'I' in this post - as I am so tired of writing interesting sentences that I am going to write in simple "subject-verb-complement" form]
I realize that I complain a lot. Though I pride myself on not complaining about work, I complain about people - and even now I am trying to make excuses that I 'don't do it as much as others' or I 'am usually joking around' or I 'tell it to certain people' but I think it's a larger thing than that. I'm not sure I can get rid of it, but perhaps I am able to think about what I'm saying/repeating more?
Yoga, o' delicious yoga, brought me back to earth a little bit today. I haven't gone for a while, and so I haven't been able to soak up all the juicy wisdom that transpires in that hour and a half. {sidenote: isn't it funny that when you are busy, you cut out probably the most vital things as 'extra'?} But today, I just got to focus on me - happy me, delicious me, that me where I can love without consequence. I think that's what I lack a lot of the time. Maybe it's just in the words we use or the critical way we are assessed, but I find that I've been lacking self-love for a while. It's very important to actually be proud of yourself, and I tell other people that all the time but... sometimes the teacher doesn't take the lesson, you know?
Finally, I have decided to seek my fortune in some other gainful employment than chasing after false dreams [cryptic, right? well, at least I get it]. I am going to let drama class solve it, and I am going to let my personality decide whether it is right. That's the way to go.
Yip, yip, yoray!

Read more posts about my multiple National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) attempts and successes.