(Slowly) Letting My Hair Down & Some Images of Dhaka

This week, I was reading a series of Tweets called "Let's Be Messy on the Internet Together" by Creatrix Tiara, and I really resonated with the pressures of 'being an expert' and 'building a brand' influencing what one posts on their blog/social media. It's what has kept me from posting more deeply personal and not-quite-there-yet material on this blog -- I'm not really a blogger, per se, but I like to play with ideas and put them out somewhere. I'm also a recovering perfectionist and putting out lower-grade material freaks me out a little bit. Yet I am drawn to it still. There are several articles that talk about the less professionalized internet (oh Xanga, my first home) and I want to harken back to those days at least every so often, when I'm not sharing my obviously fabulous life stories and pitch perfect advice.

A photo of my bed in disarray -- a.k.a my creative process.

I realize that I haven't been talking a lot about Dhaka in terms of its images. Part of that is because I am still living here and it's hard for me to both experience and reflect at the same time. But another part is that I've been feeling a little bit protective of the experiences I've had living here, for fear that they'll be misinterpreted or that I'll be judged for certain things. People don't have a good understanding of what it's like to live in this city, and sometimes neither do I. The pinhole vision I've got is so based on my class and language access and spaces I inhabit. Yet the things that have now become common to me were not common at all before; the histories that I've been reaching back into just open up new questions about what life looked like in the time period I've chosen to focus on -- the late 80s and early 90s.

I think giving a long view of the city would be too much to do in these types of posts, though I long to do it justice in my fiction. But I have been collecting images here -- for the first several months I would write down 10 images a day (an exercise adapted from the advice of the great Lynda Barry). Here are several I want to share for now:

The crashing sound of a transformer bursting creates a momentary silence, then a sprig of yelling voices after

Punctuating our conversations about social space with the sound of killing moshas (mosquitoes)

 A corner stall selling hardwares -- no wider than one man -- with its shopkeep napping like a little boy on his folded arms

Sitting on a rickshaw caught in traffic, the inexplicable joy of seeing a fruit tree filled with large bats swooping overhead

 Recording the hum of the CNG as it accelerates onto a flyover

Painstakingly sounding out the words to a chapter book with my father over Skype

The moment after the lights cut out, a thunderclap

Caught My Eye: Dear Sugar Column at The Rumpus

As I was trying to rouse myself from a literary stupor this week, I searched around the internet for some inspiration to fill myself up until I could no longer stand the feeling of not writing. One of the articles that I came across that most inspired me was The Rumpus' column Dear Sugar.

Dear Sugar is a self-reported advice column, but it caters to those of all stripes - it is not just a love life column, nor an inspirational manifesto, but also takes care of its writers and other people in long response articles. My favorite of all such articles is Write Like a Motherfucker, which tells the unabashed truth: get writing and keep doing it until it hurts.

Check out the rest of Sugar's advice column for everything from marriage advice to alternative graduation speeches; you will not be disappointed!

Check out some more media with the rest of the Caught My Eye series.

You may also be interested in reading 3 Ways I Beat Writer's Block to a Pulp.

Thanks for All the Giving

I think that today's title has a double meaning in that we are duty bound to give thanks, but also to thank people for all their giving. Otherwise, the point would be lost. Although we may thank God for our lives and our material possessions, I think that the most important things we can be thankful for are the people around us.
I am thankful for the 3 hour conversations I have with my father at any old time. I am thankful to be able to see my boyfriend 3,000 miles away through MSN messenger. I am thankful for the connections that I made over the period of three days without internet or cell phone at SOCLR. I am thankful for the people who are helping me reach my potential, giving me constructive criticism, and cheering me along the way.
I am thankful for anyone who is there to listen to me. I am thankful for all the people who trust me enough to give me their stories and open their hearts to me. And I am thankful for Allah and his mercy and wisdom, that guide me daily.

As many have said before me today, take pause and realize what you're thankful for this Thanksgiving - relationships, events, items, and whatever else you are most enjoying in your life at this moment. Happy Thanksgiving.

P.S.
The internet is back! And I'm thankful for that, too!

All's Quiet Without the Internet...

The internet in our building has been off for a full day and then some, and I have found one great, and somewhat predictable, observation: the internet provides a lot of background entertainment.
I think that the internet is really important, even integral, in our computer-oriented college and country. It's a total privilege and you realize that once it's gone, you feel a little bit lost. You're looking for it, you're going through minor withdrawal symptoms, and you're feeling the lack of privilege.
I don't think that it's strange to be dependent on the internet for a lot of things; I use it to connect with people I can't see every day and look up interesting subjects and, of course, goof off on Facebook. But I think that lacking the internet frustrates me more than it should. I get a deep annoyance at the inability of our tech support to provide me with what I consider a "necessary service."
And then there's the paradox: I went an entire weekend at SOCLR without internet orcell phone access, so why am I upset now?
It's possible to blame the Barnard community, or my own lack of talent at amusing myself, but I think that there's another reason. A more serious reason: we're addicted to the privilege. Having something without having to think about it. Electing to give it up. It's given to us all as part of the deal.
In other aspects of my life, I've been industrious and attempted to realize my own privileges and lack thereof, but in this internet blackout I can't ignore the simple truth that I have been brought up to expect a certain level of comfort and am perturbed when it is taken away.

(posted from the library at our school)

Since then, I've gotten better at amusing myself. So, check out some posts about creative ways to use your time (most of them not using the internet!)

Internet Problems

Sorry everyone, my building went out so regular posting will resume tomorrow! Hopefully...

In the meantime, check out some posts on creative ways to use your time (often without the presence of the internet!).

Missing... Everybody

It seems that I've basically been using Facebook to miss people right and left. Everyone from Ka-chan to Nina to Heathy (who I'll see in 8 days, by the way) to friends that I will soon see in school. It's interesting to me that we miss so many people in our lives. Or maybe I'm just getting philosophical at midnight - who knows?
Since everyone is gone, there's a feeling of emptiness in my house. Not necessarily of the actual people, but of their presence. Of the feeling that someone else is living in this big cavernous space we've created for ourselves. In pre-college, 4 girls were living in a room equivalent to the size of my parents' bedroom. And we were happy.
Space is always a good thing and I enjoy having some time alone now where I can just sit and think and not worry about bothering people with loud noises or unsavory subjects. However, I still feel that I would rather live closely with someone than rest in this spacious crypt for the rest of my life. It's true that there are three people living here, but one is disconnected and the other is at work so it's not really the same. College will be good for me.
I really do miss a lot of people. Not just for the privilege of Facebooking and Bumper Sticker-ing them 50,000 times, but for the idea that I lack their presence in my direct life now. I must be a little spoiled by all the wonderful people I'm surrounded with.