Change and the Destination

In light of the changes I've made to my physical appearance lately, I've been thinking a lot about change and destination mentality.

For those who don't often ponder social constructions in their spare time, destination mentality is a state of mind that tells us that we should always be working towards an eventual end, such as coming to the final destination at the end of a long journey or finishing a project or goal. It's a helpful tool when you are working on something that has a definite end, but it gets hairy when we start thinking about emotions and mindsets as our end goals. What does it mean, for instance to have "reached" success? To have "found" happiness? To have "become" good enough?

We expect - especially as Americans - that at some point our work will be finished and we'll have entered into these feelings and forever there we shall remain. We forget that constancy doesn't exist. The only constant in this life is change.

Destination Mentality: The Debunking

"Life is a journey."
This quote was brought up in the youth spirituality conference with the Dalai Lama, and it was one of those quotes that just stuck in my head. Maybe because it's so simple. Maybe because everyone says it. Or maybe because the speaker, right after it said, "if you start to change that destination mentality, then it's a completely different way of living."
Though it may not seem to be the time or the place, and I might not seem to be the age or the 'maturity' level, I believe that we should always improve ourselves in some way. It's a concept that just keeps rattling around in my brain - and desperately calls me for action. I have decided to debunk my destination mentality [as momentous a task as that is] by finding the small steps to work towards it.
I know that puts up a 'goal' system, which seems contradictory to my purpose, but I also know that for this moment I am definitely a destination believer, and I can't just jettison that all at once. Hopefully, by embarking on many small journeys, I will be able to construct something that is relatively called 'change' (or at least passes for change).
One large thing that I am finding: I am afraid.
Sometimes that's a good healthy fear, but a lot of the time they are fears that people have put on me or fears that I have constructed just because of low confidence or social freezing or something momentous like that (and sometimes it's just plain stupid stuff that really bothers me because I know that I can get rid of it!)
I was afraid, for the longest time, that I would not become a true believer in my religion because I thought I would second-guess the stories and truths based on my upbringing.
I am still afraid to play video games because they are associated with 'doing nothing' or 'no relation to a goal' [which is so hypocritical].
I am afraid that people won't need me sometime, and that's why I take on all these extra things; I am afraid that apathy/depression will come back when people don't need me anymore.
I am afraid that none of my knitting items will ever fit right.
I am afraid that my writing will sometime be called a distant memory.
I am afraid that I am somehow unhealthy, be it my weight or my skin or [especially] the status of my vagina.
I am afraid both to admit that I must let some people and situations go, and to know that these things are going to happen in the future.
If life is to be a journey, and we are all on the ebb and flow of the world, I believe that baby steps are the way to go on these ones. These fears? I am proud of myself for at least recognizing them at this point. If I were still in middle school or if I hadn't decided to grow, I may still be stuck in an extroverted place where I wouldn't be able to know anything.
Maybe these are 'heavy subjects' for a teenager but I believe that we all have to cross paths with them sometime.

Read my follow-up to this mindset in my post about living in the moment.