A Couple Failures

A terrifying red mushroom that appeared in my yard and collapsed partially under its own weight.

Allow for me to give a detailed account of the things I didn't do this past month:

I didn't make it to 50,000 words this NaNoWriMo;
I didn't meet my personal fundraising goal for Project As[I]Am to put out another issue;
I got a dramatic injury and didn't go to my first derby practice league meetup;
Due to the same dramatic injury, I did nothing for Thanksgiving other than binge watch TV shows;
Much of my work felt like it got away from me.

All this... and nothing major happened. There was no fiery explosion. My airbags didn't even inflate.

Too often I hold on to a lot of self-judgment about not meeting my own (admittedly very high) expectations. For a few months now, I have been skidding along on my own efficiency - I am incredibly good at working and getting things in on deadline, even if it means that I'm working up to the last minute. But this month was riddled with more than the usual ebbs and flows in productivity. I first got a cold, then another one. I got a tailbone injury which had me unable to easily sit upright.  And, of course, you know what else happened last month. The secondary trauma response that fired up in me post-election was as searing as the tailbone pain, radiating outward in waves. There's a reflection to be written about that sometime - I'll add it to my already tall stack of deadlines.

I got particularly anxious this month when I started feeling like the things on my plate were piling ever higher. I would have a day when I could get back to my usual productivity and then crashed completely the next. I started using a goal-setting calendar app that gives you reminders and there would be 5-7 sitting on my home screen all day everyday. What a guilt trap.

But I also found myself relying on the oft-repeated advice to be gentle and kind to oneself. No one is clamoring to read my book. No one needs me to speak on a panel or facilitate a workshop (though I'd gladly take the gig). No one is blowing up my social media about when my next piece is coming out. Though it may sound like a cold comfort, I was reminded that there is a kind of luxury in not having a completely public life.

Instead I've been relishing smaller behind-the-scenes victories like working with my first doula client in over a year. I've been doing the #100RejectionsChallenge and submitting far more often than ever before. I have been truly absorbed by good literature and lectures, particularly this one by Sheila Heti. Paradoxically, all those reminders on my phone are helping me remember what I really want to be doing rather than just moving from task to task like an automaton. In that way, I am setting a solid foundation for myself while the world around me is shifting in so many perceptible and imperceptible ways. It's time to be safe and take the best care that we can.

"You Sure About That?": Where I've Been Since November

A builder working on the ranna ghor (kitchen) at our village home.

I set out at the beginning of November with the intention to prioritize myself over my worries, and the universe replied: “you sure about that?” A few weeks ago, I made a chart of what has been pulling at my attention. It takes up the full 8.5x11” sheet and I’m pretty sure that it could take up even more if I let it.

The whole month, I felt very scattered. I had to concede defeat to NaNoWriMo at around 20,000 words. I went to my family’s village for a few days. I took a 10 day trip to Kolkata for my first time in India. Project As[I]Am released its fall issue, Unpalatable, and submitted a grant application (fingers crossed on that!). I’ve felt alternately drained and guilty that I haven’t been doing enough. If you took a look at my internet history, you’d see a slew of bookmarks for self-care interspersed with those for productivity tips. I’m not quite sure what I’ve been looking for, but I’m devouring advice.

Once I had made up my chart, I started putting things into categories: creating, absorbing, reacting, practicing, and completing. I started noticing some things. For instance, it’s hard to ‘practice’ personal rituals when you’re heavily focusing on ‘completing’ tasks. A lot of my energy this past month has been spent ‘reacting’ to personal circumstances – these events can be positive or negative, but they take up energy nonetheless. Hoping that Kolkata would be something like a reset button, I took some much needed time away.

While there, I started turning on my audio recorder as I walked around the streets. I picked up the sounds of fireworks and drums for puja, people chatting outside of parks, rustling papers in an archival library. And street traffic, endless street traffic.

I’m adding these recordings to the stockpile of bits and bobs that I’ve got lying around. Chronologically, I’m at the halfway point in my stay overseas and my creative output really reflects that. When writing for NaNoWriMo, the middle is the biggest slog for me. Beginnings and endings are deliciously dramatic by comparison. In the middle, I make lists of things that need to happen, but won’t for quite a while. I’ve been sleeping more during the daytime and staying awake at nights. All of it has been gathering and more gathering, as I try to condense my focus into a few larger projects rather than spreading myself thin.

So, if you haven't heard from me in the past month (or several...), then know that this is part of my re-commitment process. There may not be leaves on this tree now, but wait for summer and you'll see!

Getting Back to the Process

I've been writing this post in my head for over a week now:

It's about moving worth away from material successes - finishing a manuscript, getting the job you wanted - and finding that worth lies more in the intangible. In things such as how your commitment to the work, your gratitude for daily life, and the love of your friends keep you going. Something meaningful to remind you (and myself) that there are greater forces at work.

But the post has been caught in my throat. Despite all my New Year's resolutions and meditation, I haven't magically woken up one morning with all the right words in my head ready to jump out. Instead I've been on deadline knitting up gloves and editing short stories: I've only been thinking about the material, and that's made it a challenge to feel like other types of worth are more substantial.

I started looking through posts I've written in the past when I kept this blog more frequently (something I want to go back to as we move forward in 2014), and I realized that many of them were written under pressure. When I was in school, I only had a few hours that I could dedicate to my own work, versus the days and weeks I can let things drag out for now. Projects were time-sensitive by necessity, because I wouldn't have access to the photocopier or I wouldn't be able to meet up with certain people during winter break. When I produce work, it's like an explosion, but the editing process is a slow burn.

I am learning a lot about my own working style now that I have more unstructured time and - with a few mishaps - I've been trying to work with myself and create those same generative conditions. Like making sure I have a day to plan, a day or two to produce, and a week or more to edit. Like making sure I work outside of the house (even if it means going out in 9 degree weather!). Like making sure I don't get sucked into reading articles about productivity/inspiration and not actually getting through the things I want to accomplish.

Because writing and art for me are not just about the finished product, the worth is in the process. And if I avoid my process for too long, I start to feel sick. I become agitated when I lay down to meditate (another 2014 goal) and consumed by the ever-building pressure inside of me. I hope that on the exhalation that the words would come.

How do you work? What are the things that you just can't live without? Tweet me your answers.

5 Ways to Find Balance in Productivity

What are some pairs that don't go well together? Creativity and exams. Productivity and busy work. Deadlines and relaxation.

Yet these same pairs come together all too often in the life of anyone who has a job or attends school and still wants to channel creative pursuits. Putting these pairs together is like assembling furniture with directions in another language: stressful and in need of some clever planning to maneuver through. During the academic year, I am a part-time employee and a full-time student, so I know this feeling all too well: I am constantly asking myself "when will I be able to create again?"

I haven't figured out a foolproof strategy yet, nor do I get to all of the creative projects I would like to had I not decided to be a full-time/part-time anything, but I would like to impart some of the ways that I balance these two halves of my life. Take a moment to assemble some ideas with me about personal vs. school/work productivity.

Caught My Eye: The Difference between Fashion & Style

Hello there! Yesterday I fell silent on the blogging front due to overwhelming attempts at getting my final anthropology paper started (4/15 pages written, whoo!) and today looks like another full one. As you might imagine, the infinite universe of the internet has been set aside for a little while - thus, I am going on a brief hiatus. Never fear, however, as I will be returning on Monday with fabulous insight and excellence!
For now, please enjoy this great image from Indexed and check out all the other awesomeness available at that site!

Check out some more media in the on-going Caught My Eye series.

Project x Project: Aspirations and Experiments

I am a list addict. That's right, I've admitted it (yet again). And for the upcoming summer I have made a list with subsections of items that I want to begin or complete during that time.

But this time I've done three things that are a tad bit different with the list:
1. I have made all the statements into "I want to..." forms
2. I have decided whether they are an aspiration or an experiment and indicated that
3. I have put a reason next to it about why I want to do such a thing

Academics and Creativity

It is time for me to tackle the double-edged sword that has been affecting me all of my college life thus far: the complicated relationship between my creative and academic minds.

I have devoted myself to academics, which is a major privilege and portion of my daily life. I am lucky enough to be able to learn about such diverse topics as medical anthropology and American literature after 1945. I get to choose based on my interests rather than a rigid course requirements list - a benefit allowed to humanities majors that I take full advantage of. Yet sometimes I get restless.
It is mostly inexplicable, like the desire to pick up materials I haven't touched in a while and put them immediately back down. "Where are you going with that?" I hear the voice in my head say, "You know you have a fifteen page paper due next week." And then I pack away whatever creative impulse I may have had in order to read more source material.
In these instances, I feel as if my academic priorities foreclose upon my creative ones. While I get a proliferation of ideas from all the new things that I'm learning, transferring those ideas into creative expression is put on hold in favor of doing the academic work necessary for that moment. On certain days, it feels like I've left half of myself in the bottom of a drawer or up on a shelf. Waiting is the most common state I am in.

But, while it seem that the marriage of my two minds is an uncomfortable one, I still believe it's a necessary union.
The beauty of putting these two together is most accessible when I am in a writing or drawing course. I get feedback on my otherwise solitary efforts and am encouraged to go ahead with more. I am allowed a space to roll out new material and talk about it. The experience breathes new life into the dusty corners of my creative brain, letting me enter again into a balmy equilibrium.
It is obviously harder to come by when I am taking completely reading courses and am lodged in books, but I value those experiences too. The writer's greatest pastime is to read, of course.

In short, I am torn about how to feel in academia as a creative person. so I am turning it over to anyone who finds themselves wanting to create in an academic setting: does academia stifle or liberate you? Do you feel like there is room for both the creative and academic states of mind? Are there ways they can combine or do you keep them totally separate? Let me know in your comments.

You may also be interested in reading my opinion piece Single Sex Education for Women and Girls.
You can also take a look at my writing.

DIY Interlude: Small Pieces, Big Results

I have recently been drawing on note cards. And I have heard that some really talented writers use the method of writing a sentence on a note card (or sticky note) as a way to keep trucking on through a difficult scene. And story-boarding has been a technique in the television/movie/video game business for quite some time. So what's the craze with all these little blank squares?

Well, for one, they aren't really that intimidating. They're not infinite capacity (like a Word document) and they're not larger than your head. You don't have to feel like you're going to succumb to madness if you tell yourself that all you have to finish is writing the next sentence, drawing the next panel, or making the next study flash card for your social psychology class. They are just bite-sized enough that you can get them done in a limited amount of time, and easily carried on the go.

Besides these benefits, I think the appeal of note cards or sticky notes is just the fact that you can rearrange them. Drawing from my own experience, I find that editing a paper makes me really nervous if I don't make little annotations in between sentences such as "EDIT!" or "USE DIFFERENT WORD" or "WRITE TOPIC SENTENCE, DANGIT!" I have come to the conclusion that it is less my own madness and more the fact that when a paper is written out on a computer screen, it looks complete. Done. Presto. There's absolutely no more work that has to be done on it. Right?

I think that generalizing the usefulness of note cards and sticky notes can be really helpful. Even if you are not literally sitting down with a bunch of 3x5" cards and proceeding to draw your next masterpiece, you can use the same logic. How about writing a sentence per day in a notebook so that you can get to your ultimate writing goal? Or drawing a picture section by section (or stage by stage: contour, color, shading, background)? Taking small pieces can make a really great whole. And you won't be freaked out by the monolithic "done-ness" of a particular thing - it's always easily editable, easily moved around, and never set in stone.

Give the note card thing a try and see if you like it, and be sure to leave a comment about what you think of doing things in small chunks!

Project x Project: To Slump or Not to Slump?

Sometimes I feel like productivity is the only way to go for me. I have to be seriously working on something, giving it my all, making plans, and working through them as steadfastly as possible. But, as you can imagine, it is pretty difficult to keep up that level of productivity all the time - especially when juggling being a full-time student and part-time worker. So it can feel sometimes like I'm in a bit of a slump.

This week, for example, I have taken off some time from work to spend with my boyfriend as he visits me for his spring break. I have done a lot of my homework in advance so that we can spend time together but, as you might imagine, there is still some downtime when we are enjoying each others' company without necessarily having a plan to structure the day. And that's when I get antsy. Shouldn't I be working on something? Should I read ahead in my book for the week after next? Should I start working on that collage project that I have been meaning to start? The questions keep on coming, and yet I don't actually enact any of these things. Is it a slump?

I have always wondered if this is really and truly the attitude of a perfectionist. Feeling slump-y just because I haven't started working on my "next big thing?" Sounds like it. But the feelings are there all the same, making me feel like a little kid squirming around at the opera.

So, I am going to open up the question to you. What do you do when you start to feel like you're in a slump? Is there anything that remedies these feelings? How do you spend your time? Let me know!

Mid-Week Observations: Mindset

Perhaps my brain has been wrapped too tightly around finals these days, but I have been having a mental block on work. Everything I attempt, everything I go to for stress relief, and everything I should be getting done get lumped into the same unpleasant association in my mind. There is something negative about taking time off and there is also something negative about working on something for a number of hours because it is due the next day. Where is that coming from?
This post is going to sound a little bit preachy, considering that I already do a Monday Muse about these sorts of things, but I think it deserves to be restated. You are influenced by your mindset towards situations and what you choose to think about something.
I have been testing myself on a small scale this semester: treat everything as an opportunity rather than a stresser. It has worked with limited success. When it comes to thinking about the zine library work I do, I treat it less like work, which has a negative connotation, and rather like an opportunity to read a bunch of zines. But with things that I don't want to do, it gets a little harder. Who wants to write an analytical paper for class if it's not an intriguing subject to you? I know there are researchers and people who enjoy writing analytical papers, but for me that's not a mindset that I can put myself in easily. So, I have to come up with a new challenge.
What could that be? Brainstorming ideas for it even gives me a headache. What could make work like that seem more fun when we are so close to the end, so close to not having to do it any longer?

I think it has to do with brain science.

Now, I'm not talking about the brain science of memory function or re-wiring your neuron connections so that you become some sort of cyborg worker - I mean stimulating a very primitive part of everyone's brain: the reward center. For me, that is perhaps the only way that I can get through these troubling times. Reward, reward, reward yourself for your accomplishments. Even if they are little, even if they seem like they aren't chipping away at that mountain of tasks that you have to complete, give yourself something that you love. It could be a shower or it could be a few hours of extra sleep, but give yourself those opportunities to supplant the opportunities that may be "lost" in doing the drudge work that you don't necessarily want to do.
Good luck with finals, college kids, and know that you are every day inching closer to the point where you will be doing something you love and that will not seem like work at all.

Check out some other lessons I've learned in this lifetime.

Another Month, Another List

I have a love/hate relationship with lists.

At the beginning of every month, I get out my well-worn planner and write two lists down in red pen: Accomplishments and Goals. The notes can range from personal things (like, see more of the city) to academic things (make sure to get homework done in advance) to just practical things (make sure to buy groceries every week). I have completed this "tradition" since the end of last school year - and, so far, it has been pretty profitable.
It seems like just another to-do list, of which I make many over the course of just one day, but this one is slightly different. I rarely look back at these goals over the course of the month. I forget most of them in a few days. But, for some reason, I find myself at the end of the month having completed most - if not all - of the goals and then some. Somewhere in my subconscious, those goals are lurking around, predicating what I do with my time.

So, that's the good part about making lists. They can really program your brain to think linearly, to make things happen, to finish things off. But there are some things about making lists that also make me feel insane.
Have you ever made a list and felt that it was controlling your life? That it was going to judge you for not finishing it? These ideas sound absurd, but when you become a chronic list-maker like I am, it's hard to get away.

On the weekends, I will still make lists of what I need to do. Deviation from this list feels like breaking out from a padded cell - I spend some time lazing around on Low steps or walking through the city, and I feel both reckless and nervous. What if I don't get everything done on time? What if I don't finish the list?
I feel like I'm drowning in work and even my own free time activities feel like another burden to be ticked off. On top of that, it reduces my personal spontaneity and creativity.

So, what is there to do? Shall I be chained to my to-do list, never getting time to sleep in or wander the city without guilt? The predictable answer is 'no.'
I'm still learning as I go, but refraining from obsessive list making is the first step. Making a list only for specific things (homework, say, but not free time activities). And I have to make sure that I find a new down-time past time - yes, I make lists every time I am bored, even if they are repeats. Lists can never fully disappear from my life, but they don't need to take it over either.

Art Crash!

Sometimes, when you work on a project for too long, it starts to look like a mass of craziness. You heave an internal sigh whenever you look at the thing and hope to God that it passes for something not hideous. That, my friends, is what happened to me with my negative space note card project.
Negative space, defined to us Basic Drawing students as "the spaces around an object," is hard to see if you're not looking for it. Shown above in its final form, the assignment was to isolate negative space, draw 100 note cards of it, and then paint in a colored ink around the negative space you drew. But, in this pursuit of exalting negative space, many mishaps may arise.
The first one was that we were supposed to isolate negative space rather than draw the entire area around an object; that means that what you get are non-distinct shapes rather than something that looks like, say, a necklace or something. I had already finished 10 note cards by the time I knew this.
My second mistake was underestimating the drawing time it takes to make 100 cards. I spent a 2 hours during the week and 5 hours at the Met on Saturday working on drawing those cards - it catches up with you if you don't plan ahead!
Finally, my third mistake was thinking that taping and painting was going to be the quickest part. While it took 3 hours less time than drawing the cards, a few issues arose. I couldn't get the studio door lock to open. My tape ran out. I didn't bring any music. My brush skills make me cringe... but, after 4 hours in the studio, this piece was finished.
Looking at it now, I think the whole looks much better than the sum of its parts. It is a work of art when looked at not as a laborious process of 11 total man hours, but as a piece that I myself made from start to finish. Overall, I am glad that all the individual mistakes did not hinder this project's outcome - but I am mostly glad that it is now finished for good!

Take a look at further art and drawings that I have created.

Momentary Pauses

440 pages.
That was the amount that I read in three days here. Not that I'm complaining, because it was for really enjoyable classes and I expected this semester to be harder than the last, but still! It feels like an astronomical calculation - amazingly, though I do wonder at it, I do not want to complain.

I have been slowly realizing what this year is about for me: gentle incorporation.
What does that mean? Well, for me, it means calmly and quietly bringing in some of those principles that I had previously tried to force into my life. My major examples:
- It's not about sneaking in time to do something, it's about choosing what you really want to do for that moment.
- Have a schedule, but always be willing to break it.
- Eat! Just make sure that you're taking care of yourself at the same time.
- Write and read and create and smile when you want to. Just don't force any of those things down your own throat!
- Take a few calm breaths before embarking on anything.

The difference between this and last year is that I'm realizing that if I try to impose something upon myself (like, write 500 words a day or something) it's not the route that gets anything done. I guess I had read those articles about 'habit-forming' and such but taken them too closely to heart. When I came stumbled upon 2010, I had an enlightenment - what if we were easy on ourselves?
It makes me happy to note that I have a lot of stuff that I want to do and will make time to do it. In my slower moments, I hope that I can continue to do it; the future is not going to be nearly as busy as this (unless I have something to do with it!) and so I need to start self-motivating in a way that doesn't drain me of my senses.
Anyway, this is a momentary pause in between the ledgers of different classes, assignments and understandings. So now I must fly!

Fifteen Minutes

This is my fifteen minute blog before I go to bed tonight. Because I must go to bed by 1am so that I can wake up in time to shower and get to class tomorrow morning. I must.
I feel like work is sometimes beating me down and, rather than rising to the occasion, I sat down and took the beating this weekend. I did whatever I wanted to do for relaxation (a semi-marathon of Firefly, going on a yarn excursion, seeing Hamlet with Jude Law...) and had a ton of fun doing it! But then I came back down to earth and realized that I'm only 50% finished on certain assignments and that I need to edit an essay and figure out the rest of my LIFE.
Actually, the last part probably isn't true. Considering that assignments are not necessarily the end-all, be-all, I think I will be fine. Also, I'm blowing their need out of proportion considering that I have all of them due not tomorrow but further in the week... I just get stressed at certain inexplicable points in my life. And that's what happens when you want to do anything but work on the current task. Yep.
I will survive, mark my words! Just have to keep pushing.

Roadblock, Slump or Senioritis?

I'll take my pick. As foretold by the ancient seniors of old, I believe that my desire to do anything has just gone down tenfold. Scratch that. My desire to do things remains the same, but my motivation surrounding said things is waning. Following the days of my intense productivity, my "normal" mode has been to just laze around and watch online videos all day, surf internet links, and maybe read. But otherwise, there seems to be little preoccupying my life. And that gets on the nerves of my boyfriend.
So, what's a girl to do to regain motivation in an ever-increasing downward slide? I don't have a direct answer to this yet, but my listing has been helping me along. Coming back to the blog now, fortunately, makes me want to pursue the photography and writing portions of my life again (also, I got Photoshop CS3, so now I can be a computer nerd again, whee!) The other major goal that should happen before summer ends is the documenting of senior year and, on a larger scale, the time I've lived in this house. Memory projects have always been something of a preference of mine, and now that I'm leaving the house in a big way, I might as well put things onto paper and downsize the stuff in my room (goodbye desktop computer and TV; I knew thee well...)
And then there are the other tinier measures that I want to put into effect. I discovered (for probably the second or third time by now...) that I really am a girl [spiritual and trying to be healthy to boot] and I want to start dressing well, changing my health habits, and just learning about all the interesting cultural and genderal intricacies that surround being a Bengali woman.
I was talking to Charlotte yesterday (and she is probably on a plane to Israel or maybe even there by now) and we agreed that college is really the place where you find yourself more than anything. After receiving my suggested course catalog and filling out a bunch of new housing and medical forms, I realized that everything I do now is personalized. I will choose my classes, where I live (hopefully the Wellness Floor!), what clubs I'm in, and what I do with my time. Though we have that freedom now, there is still 'The Arbitors: Parental Units 1 & 2' and 'Homebase' which basically restrict where I'm sleeping over and whose company I keep. Soon, that will all change...
Anyway, I really want to stop annoying both myself and my sweetheart with all my talk of boredom. I think that my lack of motivation plus the fact that everyone else has something to do has pushed me into the annoying self-conscious corner. Must... fight... darkness! So, after finishing this post, I will sally forth through the jungles of boredom with a pen and a sword and perhaps we will find the Temple of Intrigue in the wilds of my mind. Enjoy the journey, enjoy the journey.

Oh! Also, in a completely unrelated, but pretty awesome, story: I found a way to wash/style my curly hair! It's actually staying fairly manageable and in attractive little ringlets. Thank you, curly girl how-to guide to non-frizzy hair!

I am grateful for...
Odd combinations. Such as the pho and cupcake that I ate for lunch today! Yum.


Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

I Hate to Say It But...

...I am procrastinating again. Seriously, I have 1 essay left out of 3, and I'm a quarter finished with it, but the motivation just fell out beneath my feet right now. So... blog post!
I am proud to say that the muse has returned to me - I am able now to write spontaneously without the uphill battle of finding something to talk about. I have been writing poetry and memories down in class, trying to reestablish that great old writer personality. I don't know who I envision my writer self as... I prefer to think of her as a figurehead far away that I can see nothing but the outline of in gold against blackness.
Anyway, after the week of liberation, I still feel the social disconnect that comes with going back to school - though I still want to hang out randomly, people actually have work and assignments to complete. I am just a little ball of energy trying to bottle herself up, so, for now, I am making many plans to do stuff for/with myself but completely ignoring the logical limitations of time and my own tasks. Hence the procrastination! Isn't it joyous?
Well... I am starting to feel that the attempt to write more words than my essay itself is pulling at me, so I will leave you with this sad/happiness:
Yesterday, I went on a whim to See's Candies (Warren Buffett owns it!) and bought a 12 piece chocolate box. But then... as I was walking out... I dropped it all over the sidewalk! I was almost crying because I hate to waste money on something that can't be replaced... luckily, my dad wasn't mad and decided that he would eat the chocolates that fell. We went back to get another box, thankfully, but I was just thinking about how easily I am influenced. Period. I was about to cry over chocolates spilling on the ground - seriously? I guess it just goes to show you the emotional sensitivity I carry around with me. Something old and new. It's a strange prospect, but I kind of got the feeling that my dad has been humoring these little eccentricities of mine for a large portion of my life (eating the spilled chocolates, giving me a little bit of extra cash, telling me to stay home when I'm sick...). He's always given me the option of being just a little off, and I thank him.

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

L'Etudiante

Today the workhorses trampled me.
Last night I finally realized that I was awake and that I could work, and so I stayed up and finished la plupart de mes devoirs and then was able today to finish up some crucial elements of Speak. I think that the vision will come together quite nicely, despite the difficulties in timing and etc.
I think yesterday je trouve que le monde est imparfait, et il n'y a rien de faire pour ameliorer la situation. Tous les personnes qui sont mortes, sont mortes. It is impossible to really bring them back or anything - so we must preserve the lives that exist right now. That is sincerely what I believe and I hope that we come out of this torrid time with everyone still dans la vie de la soleil et de Dieu.
This is actually how I hear myself in my head.
Today I did a little photoshoot with my cat, and I didn't know which picture to pick as the best, so I am putting two. Yesterday's cat was Abby, in my dad's arms, and then today's cat is Belle, who is obviously a model. Seriously. [she has way more class than I do... and speaks French! *le sigh*]

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

NaNo-ing

This year I have pledged to myself that I will win NaNoWriMo.
And this promise, so far, seems to be on track. But I am still teetering right on the edge of whether there will be another 35,000 words jumping at the edges of my psyche by the end of the month - it is, of course, the dreaded week two and I only barely skidded in my word count last night with a magic flush of brilliance soaring in at about 1am. There is a lot to be said for the magic of tea and hot chocolate.
Thus, to keep myself motivated, I am going to log in some incentives [read: bribes] and some general writing tips [read: get-off-your-butt tricks].

- WHEN I win NaNo, I will buy a fabulous t-shirt from them
- WHEN I win NaNo, I will have earned the title "The Most Fabulous Novelist in Existence!"
- WHEN I win NaNo, I will start on my other projects from years past and try to scoop them into barely legible first drafts so that I can have a mass editing party later on
- WHEN I win NaNo, I will get to sleep for three years
Having Trouble Writing?
- Reach for a new medium [computer got old last night, so the typewriter really helped! and then when people went to bed, pen and paper is the most discreet of objects]
- Storyboard! [using www.bubbl.us or paper or lists, any way is fine]
- Pick up a craft that you can pour your hands into and think about the writing
- Gnaw on the idea of what will be more important to you in the future [a novel or that English homework? a novel or that finished scarf?]
- Play Tetris [I know it sounds distracting, but playing always makes me feel guilty and I go back to writing soon enough!]
- Talk to your friends about your writing [Heathy is a gentle push! Ka-chan will ask how it's going. Many others will just be envious that you're doing something crazy!]

I am going to write 50,000 words in this month and I will be the better person for it! I WILL LIVE UP TO BEING THE MOST FABULOUS NOVELIST IN EXISTENCE!

Read more posts about my multiple National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) attempts and successes.

Back Home Again

I have arrived home after a week and a half of our two-person crazy fest. Shouting/taking pictures/watching Current TV/dancing/clashing over musical tastes/changing clothes 50 bajillion times/talking until late hours about everything - that was the vacation time. I think we got a little bit on each other's nerves, but that's probably because I'm more surly than she...
But, no matter! Now that I am back home, Heathy's in school, and I am furiously trying to beat procrastination to a pulp [I know this is an old story, but it must be said in order to make me feel responsible for it]. I am currently working on all the college essay material that I have. I will finish this stuff by the time school starts - but I have no idea about my scholarship applications or anything else. At least I have five more days.
Other than that, has anyone noticed how hard it is to find a one-piece women's swimsuit for a reasonable price? It's all bikinis and tankinis and whatever else, but no one has a frickin' one-piece suit. I have gone to as many as 8 places by now and everything is just heinously expensive or nonexistent *grumble*.
On another other note, the Democratic National Convention has inspired me to be more involved with internal politics. I am usually informed, but not invested in, national news while international and scientific are my fields of choice. When I heard Bill Clinton last night it was amazing and just made me feel proud to be an American - which I haven't been able to say in a pretty long time [perhaps ever...].
The world is coming to an end! And, when it does, we'll be singing.
"It's too late, we're gonna dieeee..."

Life

I bought some new plants.
Since I don't really like those types of plants with flowers and whatnot, I bought an aloe vera and a moses-in-the-cradle, which now adorn my room in their pots. I'm going to try hard to keep them alive; my last aloe vera plant did pretty well until one sad day [probably overwatering instead of under] and this moses-in-the-cradle is supposed to be a hardy beast.
Anyway.
I have so far gotten half of what I want done, because I decided to take my 'goofing off' time earlier than my 'knuckle down' time. Oh well. I'm pretty good on being through stuff by when it needs to be done. I just have to work today [yes, I said it today] and get the rest through.
I spoke to my Italian penpal online, and she is just as happy that the year is over as I am. However, she gets out a week earlier than I do; all the same, she has 2 more years of high school compared to my 1. It's always interesting to hear the tales of mutual confinement within our respective educational establishments [yeah, that was the 'refinement' kicking in, I'm trying it out ya know?]
I feel like I should be writing, considering that I'm sitting here at a late hour with nothing to do, but lately I've just been getting scared to produce/scared to finish. It was one of my resolutions - to finish my stories and also to do some slam poetry - but for some reason there is fear in me. Stupid 'what if it isn't good enough?' and 'what if I don't have time?' kind of crap. I think it's because I've been phenomenally stressed out by school and everything has become this swirling mass of due dates and no-shows. I have to be more forgiving and at the same time more harsh. It's arghing.