I'm Back! And Launching my Patreon

I'm back! The last you heard of me, in late February, I was setting out my goals for the coming months and trying to strategize how to use my limited time/resources. I thought that I would be able to get a blog post up monthly and planned for my next one to be in late March - March and August are about the same, right?

2017 has been a year to shake things up. I've started my own independent doula business and am coming out of the woods with my novel project. I committed to training for roller derby and actually feel (sort of) confident on skates. I've got a lot going on, but that also means I've got a lot to share! So, in hopes of returning to that goal I set out months ago, I'm returning to a regular writing practice at this space.

I'm also launching my Patreon campaign today! Many of you may already know what I do, but in case you're new here or just want to hear my voice, I've made a little video for you. Bonus: you get to see my cat photobomb me at the end. Enjoy the video and watch this space for more words to come.

The Dramatic Everyday

Project As[I]Am has a call for submissions out right now! The topic is "Our Greatest Resource," on emotional labor, care, and love letters to yourself and others united for a more socially just world. Get your submissions in by June 4th -- we'd love to see your work!
 
These past few weeks have been a marriage of opposites. I’ve been trying to climb into a steady routine, but each time it’s been interrupted. Some things were expected, like feeling too tired to move after a full 8 days of work. Others were needlessly difficult, like my recent apartment search which ate up all the time I would have used playing with creative energy. And then along came loss.

 
I saw the closing of the old Hugo House, where I got my start as a 14-year-old writer. My own emotionality caught me off guard. During the last event, I wandered the halls and took pictures of the messages folks had put up. Tearful ones and frustrated ones, silly nonsense rhymes in the mix with professional artists sending the place off. I was reminded of all the years that I spent volunteering and taking classes there. Taking down the track lighting in the ceiling while standing on a wobbly ladder; being too timid to approach the mic during a performance class; people chuckling as my phone went off during a quiet writing exercise (at the time, the ring tone was my friend screaming “JORDAN, PICK UP THE PHONEEE!”). So, so many memories wrapped up in that space.

Then the last of my family’s cats died. Abby, the one whose kitten face is immortalized in a dusty photo on our fridge. Compared to the prognosis given a little over a year ago – that she would live only 3 more months with this kidney blockage, and in pain at that – she’s hung on for a good long time. She made a cross-state move to California, where my dad held her paws as she took her last breaths. The last cat that died is buried out in the backyard; though this cat's body is not here, the house feels even more full of ghosts.

It’s the mundane that unites it all. The dishes that must be washed, the laundry put away. The car driven, the apartment seen, the phone calls made – the spreadsheets too. The schedules updated and the to-do lists lengthened. This weekend, my best friend and I went through boxes of my old journals and got wrapped up in the nostalgia of letters sent as small children. What started out as a requisite task of moving turned into something more like a commemoration of the places and people who have been meaningful in my life.

It’s been therapeutic to shed what needs to be shed and to mourn what deserves to be mourned. I’m still losing a lot of sleep worrying about projects and next steps - but that, I suppose, is the complex blessing of being alive.

Considerable Thought

Think Simple Now has got to be one of my favorite sites right now. I read a lot of their articles just to peruse the different ideas for feeling better, having better self-image, and creating a better environment.
Alongside TUTs Adventurer's Club and Gala Darling, they need to be given their props for teaching me many things to better myself. Check it out!
Aside from that, I have little to say but love yourself, make your own decisions, and take breaks! (Because heaven knows that's what I did today!)

I am grateful for...
The sweet look on my boyfriend's face when he's asleep. Most anyone asleep is really cute, but especially if it's someone you care about.

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Back in a Flash

I've been kind of feeling like I'm missing the forest for the trees when posting this blog lately... more focus on emotion and less on action makes a dull read. So, now that I have time, I am going to return to writing about the week in detail [hmm... maybe I should have a recap day, comme Things I Love Thursday on Galadarling - sounds like a good idea!]
So let's go way way way back....

Monday -
Day off that let me recover (emotionally and physically) from the harrowing past week. Took some deep breaths with a kind substitute instructor at Yoga Centers; realized that the world is not all about me. Decided to wallow in the beauteous white light rather than letting the darkness get to me.

Tuesday -
Complete and utter dejection at returning to school. Though I was sick throughout the week and barely did anything at all, I felt like I had escaped. And then Tuesday happened. There was very little makeup work (thankfully), but by the time I hit drama class, I had tuned out of the world of school once again. Issues with rehearsal plunged me further into a hole that is only four months deep - I will be clawing desperately for the open air until then.

Wednesday -
During school: made up all my work and got a head start on the weekend's.
After school: a mad dash to Sammamish, which proved unnecessary because all I had to do was drop off an order form and meet the guys. Production meeting at TacoTime [worked out surprisingly well - although it was just planning for what we actually have to do].
Went back to Step class; the teacher's mic had gone out however, so it was pretty difficult to hear. I was amazed (again) at how difficult it is! I stayed for an hour and was dying afterward. But it felt really great to be doing exercise intensely again [tennis starts in a week, actually]

Thursday -
Realized that tennis starts in a week; decided to gather up as many people as possible and go play tennis on Friday.
Volleyball for an hour and a half was amazingly fun (I suck at volleyball, so it was quite nice to be playing around and not have people angry at you for messing up).
Rehearsal was mainly hotseats [where you put someone, in character, at the front in a "hotseat" and ask them any questions you like - it's almost like a mini-psychoanalysis of the character, really interesting] However, some cast members were concerned that they were under-rehearsed, so I stayed for another hour and a half to give them some extra time. Thank goodness that I didn't have so much homework that night!

Friday -
Substitutes, substitutes, substitutes. Five out of seven classes were with teachers that were not regulars; it was insane. Finished up a lot of work early on in the day, but then I had my English oral. I think I completely bombed because I got Hamlet - ack, oh well.
Playing tennis after school with the whole gang really cheered me up though; we played for three hours (until the sun went down, basically) and then I drove home and immediately left to hang out with Kita and Mr. Waymon. Fun times, fun times... until some jerks egged my car as I was dropping off Kita. That day really was up and down.

Saturday -
Righting the Craft was an amazing class. It connected English class to creative writing for me in a way that I had never had the vision to think about. Vincent Kovar, the teacher, based his lessons off of the idea that theme was central to whether the piece was well-written; he argued that theme rather than realism was what made you pick up a book and want to keep reading.
From this, I have decided that I will finish and edit my pieces (I feel actually excited to edit rather than in dread - just a little timid that I will do it 'wrong' or some nonsense).
After the class, I returned home and again went out with Kita... and Quinn, and Waymon, and Milan. We went around to Redmond Town Center and TacoBell and other familiar haunts.
Riding home, however, I hit a piece of roadkill and it really shook me up. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I don't know why, but the one thing I keep thinking about is that it was hard. Death sets in and the soft fragile animal turns into a hard mass of... body. I wish I didn't have to think about it.

Today (Sunday) -
I was completely and totally productive today. I had (and have) a lot of busywork that needed to be done and I finished half of it - before launching into my Ultimate House Purge. But that was enough for me!
I realized quite quickly today that people hate to change. I started cleaning out the kitchen and almost immediately got yelled at - for cleaning! And I'm a teenager; I should be anti-work in all forms... Oh well...
But our house is much nicer now; more organized, at least, if not completely finished. Next weekend, Phase Two will commence and we will have our big haul to Goodwill and the dump.

Now that I have finished the Week in Review, I have decided... it makes too long of posts. So, instead, I must just remind myself to write about the action and not just the emotion of the day - no matter how tempting it might be to vent. Well, at least I'll have the memories of this week forever.
[Oh, and my photograph today is a candid cat picture from earlier - this is the cat that hates cameras, mwahahaha]

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Everybody Knows - John Legend

I am in love with the beauty of the universe...
Happy Valentine's Day.

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Aww..

Those cats. Sometimes they just do things so perfectly that all you can do is take a picture.
Today was the first day of finals, but it was pretty relaxing - however, I realized that IHOP is really harsh about letting you order off the kids menu when you're older than 12 [stupid people who pack their food with calories and then won't allow you to have a 'smart option']
Something strange that I learned about just today: young transsexuals. More specifically, the youngest operation for a transgendered person happened in Germany; a boy became a girl at the age of 16 after having taken hormone therapy since she was 12.
The psychologists believe that she was completely ready and serious, and I think that whatever her choice should be hers but... it just makes me wonder. What do we mean by 'sure'? Because walking into the girl's locker room and feeling better in tight jeans doesn't necessarily mean that you are really a girl on the inside. There are a lot of factors that play into it that I just can't comprehend.
Since I am not transgendered, I have no room to speak really, but where does the line draw between 'tomboy' and 'transgendered'? Because we have such an opinion of womanhood based on society that I don't know sometimes if psychoanalysis can tell you what that distinction is. I really wish the article had gone more into depth about the brain reactions than just the surface level interview - I want to know! Do they feel like they have the female parts even without them? Is there something chemical in them that is different than a regular man or woman? What do they think of themselves? So many questions!
Anyway, I hope that the girl feels more comfortable in her true skin now, rather than having to deal with that for a longer period of time.

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

L'Etudiante

Today the workhorses trampled me.
Last night I finally realized that I was awake and that I could work, and so I stayed up and finished la plupart de mes devoirs and then was able today to finish up some crucial elements of Speak. I think that the vision will come together quite nicely, despite the difficulties in timing and etc.
I think yesterday je trouve que le monde est imparfait, et il n'y a rien de faire pour ameliorer la situation. Tous les personnes qui sont mortes, sont mortes. It is impossible to really bring them back or anything - so we must preserve the lives that exist right now. That is sincerely what I believe and I hope that we come out of this torrid time with everyone still dans la vie de la soleil et de Dieu.
This is actually how I hear myself in my head.
Today I did a little photoshoot with my cat, and I didn't know which picture to pick as the best, so I am putting two. Yesterday's cat was Abby, in my dad's arms, and then today's cat is Belle, who is obviously a model. Seriously. [she has way more class than I do... and speaks French! *le sigh*]

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.

This Day In History

This day in history is really of no consequence to anyone. As one grain of sand in the desert sprawl of time, this day is just another dry reminder that we are not really present here for long. I feel the tears rush up for all those that close their eyes for the last time today. They will not suffer any longer; they will be delivered up to Allah with all his graces and mercy. We are blessed in our lives and cannot forget that. When they are gone, we must cherish the space they made in this world, even though they are inconsequential in the instance.
I cherish my family and what I believe to be mine - my beautiful friends and lovely animals. Most of all, I cherish myself. Let the dead rest with their loved ones, and may their souls be preserved regardless of race, religion, gender, or orientation.
I will close my eyes tonight with the feeling of you in my heart.

Today was a hard day for photography.

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.