Posts from Memory Lane: The Myth of the "Real" World

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire  or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

While in college and while anticipating going abroad, I have often heard of people seeking "the real world." The idea always confused me, though I knew exactly what they were referring to. The "real world" was a place (at least for people in college) where people had jobs and didn't have the opportunity to goof around and learn anything they liked. It was a place that required a lot of responsibility and where you had less fun than you were having now, so you better soak it up while you could!

Likewise, while getting ready to leave the country, I met another type of "real world" seeker - the one that was looking for the "authentic" experience of "gritty reality." Maybe this was because I was not going to a country in Europe or North America (though we often leave Mexico out of that equation), but people seemed to believe that the world out there was more "real" than theirs because in some ways it held less privileges and had more hardships to navigate. Something about that made it more real.

These ideas always bothered me. What was less "real" about the experiences we were having now? That's when I realized that these people were using real to mean something entirely different than I thought it meant - they were using real to mean "privileged." They just didn't want to say it that way.

Back in the Big Apple

Every time I move somewhere, I think it's going to be easier.

I'm under that illusion that moving across the country is the least of my difficulties, now that I've moved halfway around the world and can say that I have some major life experiences under my belt. But then it's 6am and we've just landed, I've left some part of my luggage at home, and I haven't eaten since nearly twelve hours ago. And that's just when I have to start unpacking the room.

I get a little crazy around move-in, it's true, but the other side of it is that it's really fantastic to be back in a place that is completely mine. I have a room where I can express all my little wants and desires of personality, where people are supportive and creative and smart, and where regardless of how crazy I get on one day, there will always be another one that is jampacked and ready for the energy I am going to bring to it.

But before I get into a litany of speeches about how I love being back in NYC, I should say that the busy nature of this week is going to make blogging spotty. But fear not! More pictures and more short posts are on their way. For now, I will let you savor.

Stress, College Life, and Self-Worth

I've written before about balancing academics and creativity. Now that we are coming upon the end of finals and yet another dramatic spike in personal free time (a.k.a. winter break), I feel that it must be brought up once more, but in a slightly different light. This time I want to address stress.

On Where I've Been Lately: Finals, Blogging, and Time

These past few weeks have marked the end of my first semester as a college junior. I have completed 1/3 of my final exams and am gearing up for the final push to the end of semester. I fell into burnout mode more readily than I wanted to - the need for rest was like a literal boulder on my chest and I honestly couldn't have put out a word of inspirational writing even if I had wanted to. I even had to cut short correspondences to my friends because they all came out the same: "How are you?" "Good. Tired." End quote.

This week, as we approach the last bit of finals and the start of a long sojourn from our studies, I have been mulling about in my own head. I have a lot of creative energy that wants to put itself out there, but little motivation to do anything but sleep till noon and perhaps watch some James Bond movies. It's not as bad as it sounds - I have been brainstorming ways to re-purpose our suite's zillion plastic and paper grocery bags and have been genuinely enjoying myself. But I have been missing the blogosphere and its regular kick-in-the-butt way of getting me to write my daily piece. Thus, this week I am returning to my regular blog schedule and will hopefully be beefing it up as I enter a period of almost complete and total autonomy over my actions.

If I had a sign to put on my door this break, it would read: Expect greatness to come.

Troy Davis Vigil (Images)

This week, I attended the Troy Davis silent vigil on Columbia's campus - in remembrance, we did a small march and then a speak-out about our emotions surrounding his execution. The takeaway? This is our moment: take charge in the issues you care about.

Life Lessons from a Busy Weekend

My friends have always said that I am busy no matter where I go, and this weekend was no exception. Here's a quick rundown:

THURSDAY: Fashion's Night Out

FRIDAY: The Barnard Career Fair, MP3 Experiment, Columbia club fair, an Afro-Cuban dance class, and a birthday party (that quickly became an impromptu Well Woman meeting)

SATURDAY: Raw Elementz hip hop dance tryouts and roller derby volunteer crew duty for the bout between Brooklyn Bombshells and the Queens of Pain

When it's written down in list format, it looks... well, as intense as it was. My body is now sore from tip to toe. But, since my brain thrives on intensity, I will offer you some practical wisdom that I gleaned from attending each of these amazing events. Ready? Here it goes:

The Bucket List and the Work Boots

Yesterday was the first day of classes at Columbia, which ushered in the fruitful chaos that is the fall semester here at college. Though I've been here for a week to work on Well Woman topics and generally ease myself back into New York-style living, the beginning of classes was wonderful. Sitting down with a bunch of strangers in order to explore a new and interesting (or required) topic is still exciting to me. Alas, I am a student at heart.

But another thought dawns on me whenever I sit down in one of our classrooms. I picture myself in the trenches of stats homework, putting on my size 8 work boots and wielding my pencil like a musket, spending hours in the morning and night trying to finish… The work is all consuming. And thus, I had to start thinking of how I would shift my mentality towards fun and creative pursuits.

So, I came up with a deceptively simple solution: a bucket list.

5 Tips for Incoming College Freshmen

Me, as a terrified freshman.

I love freshmen or - as Barnard would have us call them - first years. Having moved in early this year for Well Woman training, I got to see them as they went about their orientation activities and attended endless programming. And in between the student services fair, the perspectives on diversity training, the floor meetings, and the early morning introductory breakfasts, I remembered how overwhelming the freshman experience can be. So, since we are kicking off classes this morning, here are my 5 tips for freshmen, not just at Barnard, but at large:

5 Ways to Find Balance in Productivity

What are some pairs that don't go well together? Creativity and exams. Productivity and busy work. Deadlines and relaxation.

Yet these same pairs come together all too often in the life of anyone who has a job or attends school and still wants to channel creative pursuits. Putting these pairs together is like assembling furniture with directions in another language: stressful and in need of some clever planning to maneuver through. During the academic year, I am a part-time employee and a full-time student, so I know this feeling all too well: I am constantly asking myself "when will I be able to create again?"

I haven't figured out a foolproof strategy yet, nor do I get to all of the creative projects I would like to had I not decided to be a full-time/part-time anything, but I would like to impart some of the ways that I balance these two halves of my life. Take a moment to assemble some ideas with me about personal vs. school/work productivity.

Regular Posts Will Resume Tomorrow

Today marks the last day of classes in my sophomore year (and our fabulous Well Woman end-of-the-year dinner!), so I will not be putting up a post tonight and will start up again tomorrow. See you all then!

Take Back the Night, Re-Envisioning Political Participation

I haven't gotten very involved with political activism since I've been at Barnard. I had thought that I would be more inclined to it, having been to a fair number of marches and canvassing missions in my high school years, but my interests have been so all over the map that I haven't had the same concentrated chance to get fired up and ready to go in NYC. One of my friends put it nicely when she said that it's difficult to get involved in NYC politics when you haven't lived here for the majority of your life.

And I suppose that's true: when you move to a new place, the first thing you think about is not who the state reps are, but what kind of friendships you're going to make and where you can get a good meal. It's even harder to feel like you need to participate when you are thrown into a sea of people, some of which seem so outstanding in their motivation that you feel like you can take a backseat.

But, after going to Take Back the Night, I've started to think about it, and this nonchalant attitude has gotten me worried.

Barnard Prospective Experience

This weekend, I attended a long set of prospective student functions and hosted two "prospies" last night (hence the lack of musical interlude this Sunday). I must admit, a fair bit of nostalgia and thought did occur. So, I offer you my criticism.

P.S.
Sorry general readers, this post is pretty specific to the Barnard/Columbia experience - check out last week's and the rest of this week's posts for something less school-focused!

Academics and Creativity

It is time for me to tackle the double-edged sword that has been affecting me all of my college life thus far: the complicated relationship between my creative and academic minds.

I have devoted myself to academics, which is a major privilege and portion of my daily life. I am lucky enough to be able to learn about such diverse topics as medical anthropology and American literature after 1945. I get to choose based on my interests rather than a rigid course requirements list - a benefit allowed to humanities majors that I take full advantage of. Yet sometimes I get restless.
It is mostly inexplicable, like the desire to pick up materials I haven't touched in a while and put them immediately back down. "Where are you going with that?" I hear the voice in my head say, "You know you have a fifteen page paper due next week." And then I pack away whatever creative impulse I may have had in order to read more source material.
In these instances, I feel as if my academic priorities foreclose upon my creative ones. While I get a proliferation of ideas from all the new things that I'm learning, transferring those ideas into creative expression is put on hold in favor of doing the academic work necessary for that moment. On certain days, it feels like I've left half of myself in the bottom of a drawer or up on a shelf. Waiting is the most common state I am in.

But, while it seem that the marriage of my two minds is an uncomfortable one, I still believe it's a necessary union.
The beauty of putting these two together is most accessible when I am in a writing or drawing course. I get feedback on my otherwise solitary efforts and am encouraged to go ahead with more. I am allowed a space to roll out new material and talk about it. The experience breathes new life into the dusty corners of my creative brain, letting me enter again into a balmy equilibrium.
It is obviously harder to come by when I am taking completely reading courses and am lodged in books, but I value those experiences too. The writer's greatest pastime is to read, of course.

In short, I am torn about how to feel in academia as a creative person. so I am turning it over to anyone who finds themselves wanting to create in an academic setting: does academia stifle or liberate you? Do you feel like there is room for both the creative and academic states of mind? Are there ways they can combine or do you keep them totally separate? Let me know in your comments.

You may also be interested in reading my opinion piece Single Sex Education for Women and Girls.
You can also take a look at my writing.

Why Eating Can Make Me Depressed

I've returned to Barnard on a pretty dreary day, so I feel compelled to open up the week with a pretty dreary post. Yet, as with all dreariness, it's designed to make you think rather bring you further down in the doldrums. So, enjoy.

I consider myself a conscientious eater. I have made peace with my food issues, questioned the food fads put up in the media, and tried to separate eating from body image and make both of those more positive.
Yet I still get caught up on one particular eating paradigm: sustainable eating. This (admittedly very long) article by Michael Pollan opened up that can of worms again for me, the first time having been after I read his book The Omnivore's Dilemma. The article, and his book, tout the mantra "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." He goes on to debunk the myths of nutrient-based nutrition and favors whole foods for the reason that they are better both for the farmer and the eater. And I find all that wonderful, interesting, and something that I want to apply to my life - until I reach the grocery store or the restaurant.
Finding whole foods in the grocery store is easy enough if I stick to the right aisles (produce, meat, dairy), but the basic fact is that these foods need preparation. Which means equipment and time. For a college student that doesn't have an oven, that rules out a lot of possibilities. So, heading deep into the center aisles, I began to scour labels and decide what a whole food looks like when industrially prepared. Those foods I found that contained even something that remotely resembled a whole food were extremely expensive. Again, a college budget does not allow for much wiggle room. What I came out with wasn't nearly what Pollan intended when he sat down to write that article.
Thus I came out of the grocery store anxious and somewhat depressed at my gatherings, and with one key question: how can I possibly make sustainable eating work for me? Or for anyone else who has a low-budget and low-time lifestyle?

The answer is two-fold:
1. Giving yourself a darn break. I think sustainable eating has to come in small increments; on the one hand, because American culture hasn't caught on to it, on the other because you can't flip a switch and change your monetary situation, the amount of time you have, or your cultivated eating habits from childhood on up. Pollan presents some good ideas, but self-selecting the parts you can do and setting aside those you can't requires a personal evaluation.
2. Separating self-worth from eating. Thinking about the emotions that came up for me after I left the grocery store, they were very much akin to those I had when I was dieting. Sustainable eating presented an unrealistic set of goals that, when I failed to meet them, caused me to spiral down the ramp of low self-esteem in the exact same way. While this is not to say that sustainable eating is the same thing as dieting or that you do it for the same reasons, but the association between eating habits and self-worth is the same. The only way to make changes without those same negative thoughts is to recognize and recognize that the two are not parallel.
Pollan may include some really good ideas for a fulfilling sustainable eating pattern, but he doesn't address any of the other concerns (money, time, or emotion) surrounding what you put on your plate. It's up to everyone else to fill in those gaps with their own solutions.
What is your take? Should sustainable eating even be put in the same sentence as dieting? Does it exclude people? Should it be the norm? And how would you make it happen if that were your own goal?

You might also be interested in posts about eating at restaurants.

Nerd Girl Inc: Be Selfish

(a selfish indulgence: homemade mac n' cheese)

Today, I did a lot of learning.
Before you get snarky (that's what college is for, Jordan), hear me out.
So far, my college experience has been all about me. A somewhat selfish time to explore all the possibilities that I didn't get in high school. I exploited the opportunity to take classes that were interesting, took advantage of my location to take in great shows and do amazing things, and participated in all those classic campus experiences that one must have in their youth. But now, I think that the glitz has passed away a little bit. I'm a working stiff, like most other people, and I was starting to let the big plans get muddled up in the more immediate ones. "When am I going to get my next paycheck?" became more important than "What am I going to do after college?"
As you probably know by now, I am a notorious planner. I had the broad strokes of my life laid out before I could really understand the work involved to get there. So now, after all those years of planning, I'm living it. The New York City life where the tedium and the spectacular have combined.

What does this have to do with learning? Well, today I got to play with the big dreamer in me in two arenas:
1. I attended a Careers in Psychology panel that opened my eyes to grad school - both what I should be doing to get there and what I should do when I get out.
2. And then I did a workshop on safer sex with a floor of freshmen and their RA, which taught me as much about myself as it taught them about alternative birth control methods.

All this year and parts of last, I have been attending and giving workshops that involve everything from bookbinding to discussions of healthy eating, and they have slowly brought me to the realization that I like helping people and explaining things. That I know more than I give myself credit for. And, most importantly, that I need to keep playing with the bigger dream of becoming a counselor and helping people in minority communities.
I encourage everyone to look at their big plans, no matter what they are, and breathe into them some life. Go to a workshop or find a program. Be selfish for a change.

Read more Nerd Girl Inc. posts and check out the related series, Caught My Eye.

A Quasi-Post

It has been quite a while since I last got the chance to share my writer-ly hangouts. These past few weeks have marked the end of my first year at college and, as is to be expected, I have been caught up in academics and clubs and all the requisite processes that seem to all crash together into a two week period. So, this post is not going to be about the places I have wandered to for the past few weeks, but will be focused on what I have been working on.

First of all, there have been great honors afoot!
I was recently honored at the SGA Leadership Dinner as a First Year Leadership Award Recipient. I don't know who nominated me, but I am really grateful to whoever it was! The embarrassing part of the story, however, is that I did not believe I was being recognized for anything at first. They sent a formal invitation to my father and, when he called me to say that he got it, I shrugged it off and said "they must be giving those to everyone." It was only when they emailed me a second time to RSVP that I caught on.
When I arrived at the dinner, everyone was in formal attire and there were parents up and down the aisles - how I wish my father could have been there! It was a fancy setting with catering and butter shaped like little flowers! It was by far the fanciest event I have gone to in a while. I regret not bringing a proper camera...

On to things that I did know were happening - I am next year going to be a Well Woman!
For those of you that don't know what that is, Well Women is an organization of peer educators that learn all about women's health and issues; since Barnard is a women's college, they run an office that provides educational services to all the students. I am really excited to meet everyone and learn about all of these different topics! When I was going through the interview process, I felt really comfortable and welcomed, so I am happy that I got on.

I was also offered to work at ZAPP, the zine library in Richard Hugo House during the summer! While it is not a full internship, it allows me to keep my zine skills working and probably will encourage me to finish my own personal zine (which I will also be working on during the summer). Hooray plans!

On to the second group, the hard-work-that-paid-off category!
This past weekend, we both finished this semester's publication of Awaaz (in which I am both an editor and a writer!) and mounted Nazaara's play Kanyadaan. Although I was biting my nails about the performance to the very end, we pulled through and there were a lot of strong responses in the audience - for good and for ill. It was nice to hear that the play was so provocative, as it is a very powerful text. Fun fact: they are performing it in Seattle on the 14th, so I might be able to go see it (again and in a different language, but still!)

Aside from all of these things, I have been working diligently at all the things that I usually do. Today was the last day of classes so I finally feel that I have run the race to the finish line - I no longer have any essays to complete and just a few final exams to pass before I head off into wild blue yonder (pretty much literally). And today was a nice relieving break because Liberty and I went bowling with my adviser and our first year class dean, as well as some students and a Spanish professor. It was a great time! Although, I didn't do too well on bowling...

I think I will be keeping up my writer-ly explorations in Seattle, so stay tuned for some more recommendations (albeit, about the other side of the country) and some writing. Yes, I promise to put up some actual writing after this.

Butler Library (alt. My Life In Pictures)

Although it is sort of a cop-out, this week's location was Butler Library!
I always find that Butler is a really nice place to go do work in because everyone is there for the same thing. Every head is bent over a computer screen or a notebook, the pages are being filled or read through, there is a communal silence that people take on in the library...
So it was really interesting to spend the time working on (at least partially) my story for fiction class. We (meaning Liberty and I) snagged a really great little corner table with an outlet and just fidgeted and worked/wrote in the time. It was very calming, actually.
My only caveat is that the place has no signal to the outside world. So if you're wanting to get a snack or if you want to move locations or if you want to grab a friend, you have to go around the library to get signal or out into the front door. I know that is for a reason (considering that people are studying and you don't want to bother them) but sometimes it gets really frustrating not to be able to text when you want someone to meet you in a certain section. Plus, leaving your things with strangers can be good or bad depending on your choice of person.
Overall, I really liked the academic atmosphere, so I think I would go back when I wanted to seriously focus and not just put some words down on the page.

Also, I need to put up pictures! I've been taking photographs of some things that characterize my life right now, so there are three sample ones (the first one being Butler's main entrance, the second was the Mother Tongue Day celebration in the middle of the night at the U.N. and finally there is a replica of The Thinker in the snow - which I think is my most favorite picture of all)

Read more of my writing in strange places reviews.
And check out some more posts featuring my photography.

Snow Day!

This was the first blizzard of the year and Barnard didn't close until the afternoon. When everything else was closed early in the morning. Ugh! But once they did close, I was thankful because I got to get all my work done and now I am no longer panicking as I am wont to do.
It was really beautiful, the outdoors today. I woke up in a lethargy and went to work in the mail room where there was - consequently - no mail! The mailmen don't work according to their credo (through hail or sleet or driving snow, etc) anymore... it was snowing and their doors were firmly shut.
You know, there is something peculiar to me or maybe to college. I get overwhelmed and burnt out sometimes, while still enjoying what I'm working on. Maybe that's the good thing about reading challenging books and exciting novels - at the same time, there is a lot of reading to be done! I know that I've said it before, but whenever I feel backed up, I start to get worried (even, sometimes, when I'm right on track!) I just can't imagine putting things off for very long...
Anyway, that's what got me to scheduling. Every time I get overwhelmed, I make a schedule and a to-do list. Therefore, I now have a plan!

Enough of those idle simple thoughts. Now on to the good stuff.
I have been contemplating, through my lists, how to go about getting a summer internship. I wasn't thinking about it a lot before, but then I had this dream. This dream that I was in a video game that I designed (yes, I know that sounds lame, but hang in there with me). The dream made me realize that there are people who aren't programmers working on video games. Why I did not realize this before, I do not know. But it just so happens that by digging around the internet, there are A LOT of indie game studios in Seattle. And that's where I'll be for summer. So if I can land an internship there, I can start looking into how to contract write the storylines for video games. How cool is that?!
And after that, I started to think big. Plans leading to more plans and more and more again, I guess. I started thinking about where I want to do my study abroad. I have always wanted to use my French skills, but I just thought I would end up in France. But with their new laws concerning the burqa, I have been none too happy with the country's conduct. So I started thinking of other francophone countries and up comes... Morocco! Yes, and we do have a program that is related to Morocco. So, therefore, my plans for junior year are going to be involved with trying to go to that North African country for a duration of time. Huzzah! Life plans!
So, those are the two big notions I have been thinking about lately. Aside from that, there is short story and biography writing to do, papers to be written, books to be read, clothes to be worn and shed... all of these works that coalesce into my fabulous life.

Enjoy the beautiful snow everyone, and an early Happy Valentine's Day too!

Oh, how things change. Read more about my ever-changing college experiences.

Work Week

I have long since given up my maxim "never start a book at night."
There are just so many books to read! Both for class and for pleasure, late into the night we are glued to the pages of text. But that makes me feel great sometimes because it is an accomplishment to finish each little stretch of reading - it's probably something I'll never have to do again after my college years. Anyway...
This week, I embarked on the first week of my new job! I got a job in the mail room and it's pretty good so far. I also got a second job at the library, which is ideal for me, being a book nerd as mentioned above. Now I can actually afford to eat meals! I can't wait till I can finally pay my dad back something... but my goal right now is to just make sure that my expenses at the end of the month add up to the amount I make from these two jobs. We'll see how it goes.
I have been starting to work out when I get stressed or unable to do schoolwork any longer. I literally skid out of my Decolonization class thinking "I need to go swimming." At least it's something that's good for my body but, as I've been saying literally every time I get out of the pool, I feel like an old person. I just haven't worked out in a long while and it's taking some time for my body to adjust; not to the soreness, but just to the regular exercise. Hopefully that changes when I get massively toned abs and arms (ha, not). It's another one of my gentle introduction things - so far it is paying off.
I sense that the weeks to come will be more interesting than the weeks that have passed; I have been carrying all these grand ideas in my head lately but haven't been able yet to write them down, so I think my next gentle introduction will be into writing a little on the weekends so that it comes out (yay, fiction class!) as well as going to a lot of campus events again. It's just been too cold to do anything else. There is no snow, even though they said there was going to be a lot but the wind has been bone-chilling so I have just been waiting it out in my dorm room, venturing out into the world only to eat, work, go to class, and exercise. Hmm, that should probably change.

Week in Retrospect

Whoosh! The second week of classes really does give you a headspin. It's not that I had any more work than last week, but my involvement has certainly gone up. We went out looking for jobs, I tried to figure out how to get into some clubs, and I got certified to use the weight room. My brain keeps telling me that we haven't been back two weeks (because that seems so short for all the things I've done) but it's already Sunday and I have the identifying factors of a pile of work (most of it done, fortunately) and a massive desire to sleep in.
Since this was one of my more typical weeks, I think that it would be more interesting to post up something that I have written, so here you go! Keep in mind, however, that this was a rant before I went to bed.

She stretched out her arms and legs - to sky and soil - prayin that the young mists would take her up, envelop her body in the natural sense, and let her decompose there, a mere speck on the span of the earth.
Pain made its way to her fingertips and she questioned whether her reality was anymore true than that of Jacob's, who, in his infinite wisdom, claimed he felt no pain because it was a construction of the human mind. Thus, when he came to her with cuts on his fingers and bruises on his neck, she turned aside and let him return to his play. She was not afraid of those big men who hustled him as long as he could stand to take it - maybe that made her a bad mother, she thought.
Out in the breeze, she felt childlike again in her apprehension of variables - the sky's outward thrust over the high rises and mountainous landscape of skyscrapers and planes, the gentle crest of trees rolling against a grey backdrop like a child's fingerpaints. She could know nothing at all, no language to speak of, and still feel her small magnitude in this world.
Alyson took a deep breath and wandered back down to earth. The sprawling park scene was eclipsed by the pressing matters of grocery and budgets. The chirping of birds pressed into the calls of taxi horns and old men yelling. She was back in the shuffle, just another crack in the wall.

P.S.
My friends and I are starting a craft business so if you ever want to grab some knitted items, jewelry, paper art, and other handmade items, do look for Simplistica crafts!

More writing and stories are also available for your reading pleasure.