"You Sure About That?": Where I've Been Since November

A builder working on the ranna ghor (kitchen) at our village home.

I set out at the beginning of November with the intention to prioritize myself over my worries, and the universe replied: “you sure about that?” A few weeks ago, I made a chart of what has been pulling at my attention. It takes up the full 8.5x11” sheet and I’m pretty sure that it could take up even more if I let it.

The whole month, I felt very scattered. I had to concede defeat to NaNoWriMo at around 20,000 words. I went to my family’s village for a few days. I took a 10 day trip to Kolkata for my first time in India. Project As[I]Am released its fall issue, Unpalatable, and submitted a grant application (fingers crossed on that!). I’ve felt alternately drained and guilty that I haven’t been doing enough. If you took a look at my internet history, you’d see a slew of bookmarks for self-care interspersed with those for productivity tips. I’m not quite sure what I’ve been looking for, but I’m devouring advice.

Once I had made up my chart, I started putting things into categories: creating, absorbing, reacting, practicing, and completing. I started noticing some things. For instance, it’s hard to ‘practice’ personal rituals when you’re heavily focusing on ‘completing’ tasks. A lot of my energy this past month has been spent ‘reacting’ to personal circumstances – these events can be positive or negative, but they take up energy nonetheless. Hoping that Kolkata would be something like a reset button, I took some much needed time away.

While there, I started turning on my audio recorder as I walked around the streets. I picked up the sounds of fireworks and drums for puja, people chatting outside of parks, rustling papers in an archival library. And street traffic, endless street traffic.

I’m adding these recordings to the stockpile of bits and bobs that I’ve got lying around. Chronologically, I’m at the halfway point in my stay overseas and my creative output really reflects that. When writing for NaNoWriMo, the middle is the biggest slog for me. Beginnings and endings are deliciously dramatic by comparison. In the middle, I make lists of things that need to happen, but won’t for quite a while. I’ve been sleeping more during the daytime and staying awake at nights. All of it has been gathering and more gathering, as I try to condense my focus into a few larger projects rather than spreading myself thin.

So, if you haven't heard from me in the past month (or several...), then know that this is part of my re-commitment process. There may not be leaves on this tree now, but wait for summer and you'll see!

Thoughtful Return & The Website Re-vamp

So, things are looking a bit different around here at The Cowation. When I returned to the United States last month, I decided that I needed some goals (other than the ones I had already set, of course), and that included making my online presence more cohesive and regular. Thus, a website re-vamp was in store!
I've decided to lighten it up, add some more doo-dads on the main page, and make sure that the links and buttons are front and center. I will also be committing myself to a pretty regular posting schedule that will be revealed day by day as the weeks pass on. Plus, now that everything is interconnected, I will be directing you lovely readers to my other various pages strewn about the internet - especially my DeviantArt and my soon-to-be-opened Etsy store! Speaking of which, I have put up all the artistic and family photographs from my trip to Bangladesh and my Basic Drawing class artwork on my DeviantArt page - check it out! Some things are also in the "Scraps" category, so be sure to see both.
Anyway, let me know what you think of the changes (and the new vexel banner - I had to recreate it since the tragedy of hard-drive death besot my poor computer last month).

Check out some of the interesting new work I have done since the re-vamp, including my DIY Interlude series.

Reset Button

Happy Earth Day! Sadly, the only things Earth-themed that I did today was look up videos relating to it and printing out a piece of paper with all my group's ideas on it...
Aside from that, I realized in the past few days that I've been missing the journal-esque feeling that blogging gave me. I have been lax with my posting and I've just felt... off. So, as to not disservice myself, I will come back more regularly again! Hooray!
I have really been feeling like I need a "Reset" version of the Staples "Easy" button; recently, I have noticed that every obstacle I face makes me more drained and put out. But (after paper journaling) my new decision has come forth that I will treat these obstacles more as new bends in the road - you know, every end starts a new beginning and every obstacle starts a new process. For example, with testing, even though the leading-up-to-test review period is harsh and soul-sucking, I know that on the other side of the tests is the end of our senior year. It marks an accomplishment that we have been working towards for 2 years already, just as graduation culminates our 4 years of experience. Testing season is just less... formal [sweatpants, yay!] After this revelation, I feel a lot more at ease with myself - less wishing that I was somewhere else, although that still exists, and more devoted to the present moment.
Also, for the past few weeks, I have been intensely happy. Seriously. I may have some little tiffs with friends and some issues at school, but my general contentedness has just skyrocketed! And that's pretty much amazing. For the last few days, I have been blessed to be the most random person in phone conversations with Kita and Heathy (at the same time!) and hanging out with people I really do like. Unfortunately, this intense happiness has somewhat led me astray from my lifestyle changes [ehehe... chocolate... ehehe... homework...] yet it has brought me that feeling of youth that I just can't miss out on - seriously, what are you supposed to do when it's sunny in Washington? Sit at home with a textbook and carrot sticks?
I think that my "Reset" button is only going to come from me. There are some things that I will definitely keep in this respawn [such as the ammunition of intense happiness and elevated skill level of patience] but I want to retrieve my time management badge and return to that judicious health plan that will boost my HP by over 9000... Does anyone know why I'm talking like a gamer?
Let us celebrate the upcoming!
2 weeks until exams!
2 weeks until the end of tennis season!
2 months until the end of senior year, summer, and seeing my family/best friends again!
<5 months until moving into college!
6 months and 2 days until I turn 18!
Infinite time for one to love themselves! Happy Earth Day!

Check out some more posts featuring my photography.