Monday Muse: No Worries

Getting this one in under the radar, it seems, but hopefully it will provide you with some musings tomorrow!
I am now finally getting over my cold and, in the days that preceded the oasis of wellness that I am now experiencing, I had a lot of time to think, sulk, and most of all worry.

Worry is something that infiltrates my life periodically. When deadlines are involved or I have shown up late to something or when I just plumb forgot - those are the moments when I worry. These worries get turned into questions of hindsight: What could I have done to get here faster? Why didn't I look up when the store closed? Why didn't I take better care of myself earlier? And soon that worry balls up together, merging with all the other minor worries that have been in the back of my mind from both the future and the past, and becomes a hysterical upset. The worry itself brings my life to a screeching halt.
Now, it's not to say that we as people shouldn't plan well and take care of ourselves early on and whatnot, but we also need to realize that we are not automatons. We are not going to do the exactly perfect thing at the exact right time for ourselves, then wash and repeat. Instead we are going to make mistakes, eat poorly, and feel embarrassed sometimes. And that's ok.

It really is ok.

So my prompt of the week, both to myself and to everyone out there who is reading, is to spend a week without worry. Think that's a monumental task? Then go a day, or perhaps just a few hours.
Breathe deeply when you're worried, put things in perspective and think about whether this will matter ten years out, laugh at yourself for all the embarrassing times that come up rather than admonishing yourself again and again. And, most importantly, do not let it ball up into a knot of worry so tight that you just can't get out. Good luck.

Read some more posts about lessons I've learned.

Monday Muse: Finding Inspiration

Yesterday, I watched a lot of TED Talk. TED (Technology, Entertainment & Design) brings me many inspiring videos of their conference speakers, such as the ones I've posted below. But I wanted to take this post and talk about something that I often overlook when seeking inspiration: finding things in myself that are inspiring.
Oftentimes, I will watch a video or read a story about someone who has done something awe-inspiring. Kavita Ramdas when she speaks on her experiences of talking to women the world over... Eve Ensler telling us to embrace our inner girl... Tony Porter speaking on behalf of men against violence towards women... William Ury's Abrahamic walks... Bart Weetjens with his rats... All these stories are amazing and interesting, and I think "Woah, how could they possibly have done that?"
It seems so intense, so amazing, so radical that they have done these huge things of their own volition. I get pumped up on their amazing journeys, and then... I get down on myself. I think "What have I done in the past year? What have I done in my life that could be comparative to that?"
It starts that cycle of self-doubt and self-criticism that I try to avoid in the rest of my life. I try to separate myself from judging my body, my mind, and my skills too harshly in most concepts. But when I look at someone else, those ideas fly out the window. What happens then?

As my Well Woman peers would echo: this is a classic case of perfectionism.

Not in the traditional sense, mind you. Perfectionism towards yourself is something that I avoid like the plague, letting myself do as well as I can and being proud of that endeavor. But seeing perfect people everywhere else? That is something I do every day. Think about any time that you do something new - don't you get a little flash of fear that you are not going to be as good as some people in the group with you? Even if you know that they've been doing this stuff just as long as you? Or if they are an expert on it from their own long hard work?
I think in our society we refuse to believe that people who are good at something had to work and fail and try again before they attained that position. We just see the perfect part and that's where it stops. And that's something that sorely needs revising.

So, this late Monday, I challenge you to... watch a lot of TED Talk. And, of course, I also challenge you to love yourself by not judging yourself against others. And, also, give others that you see the same break that you are giving yourself. That means: do not think that everyone just grew up perfect and you did not. Do not hold them to some phantom standards that you think are higher than you could ever reach. This is a key feature of accepting yourself and your own personal accomplishments.

Check out some other places I have found inspiration in the Caught My Eye series, as well as some other lessons I have learned in this life.
You may also be interested in some of my opinion pieces, such as Writing Live, Discrimination and Mixed Metaphors, or Single Sex Education for Women and Girls.

Monday Muse: Get It Out

When I am writing, I become completely absorbed. By the words on the page, by the feel of the pencil in my hand or the keys underneath my fingertips. Rarely, in the rest of my life, do I get to be so focused.
The same thing happens only when I am talking out an idea with a close friend or my father, setting out a random spray of words that might congeal into some sort of cohesive whole. And I know, when I get stressed, that this focus goes completely away. I don't call people. I don't write. I let myself sit in the dark recesses of my mind without any way out.
The remedy to this, of course, is not one that people find easy, nor is always within reach. Although it may seem like the simplest advice you can give, it is often the easiest to forget: get it out.
I'll write it, I'll talk about it, I'll set it down as an art project, as a squiggle, as anything that will help me express the emotions that I'm feeling inside. And this works not just for stress, but also for any difficult emotions - from sadness to anger to ambiguity and confusion.
So, in this late post, I challenge you to record your thoughts and feelings in whatever way possible this week. Maybe it's to just get over the stress of finals, or maybe it is because something else is going on, but it will benefit you to take the pressure out of your head and put it down somewhere else.

As a side note, I will be hosting two sessions of a Knitting Meditation workshop next week through knitting club and Well Woman - Monday (the 13th) and Tuesday (the 14th) for anyone who wants to attend! Times will be posted shortly.

You may also be interested in some other lessons I've learned through writing, including 3 Ways I Beat Writer's Block to a Pulp.
Check out some of the writing that I do put down.

Monday Muse: A New Lease

Yesterday, I started right-hand knitting. I have previously been a loyal left-hand knitter, claiming obstinately that I did not know how to do that other technique, and I didn't care to learn. But then I came up against a problem. Every time I tried to knit something tightly in the left-hand method, it turned out too loose.
This impacts mostly things that need to be shaped accurately to a correct size (for instance, if I were trying to make a sweater, I don't want it to show off my skin underneath). I tried everything to remedy it: smaller needles, holding the yarn tighter, thicker yarn... all the things that you would do if you were an experimental knitter like I am. And yet there was no way to get that tight clean look with my traditional way.
So, I caved. I watched a video, picked up some pieces of scrap yarn, and started knitting right hand. And, admittedly, it wasn't that bad. In fact, I think that it was important to open myself up to the experience.
I believe that we often stick with what we know. Sometimes that's for the better, so we don't sound stupid when making an argument or in a polite conversation. But sometimes, and maybe even most of the time, it also means that we aren't challenging ourselves and our own expectations.
A lot of people tell you to challenge yourself: teachers, parents, coaches... but often they are talking about something that they want you to do. So what about you? What do you think will get you out of a rut or at least give you another perspective on what you are already doing? Would you do it? When?
As human beings, we only have this one life. So, as a friend of mine keeps saying to me, you have to do exactly what you want because you don't know when your time will be up. Maybe that thing that you continually refuse will give you a new lease on life.

I encourage you today to think of something - just think of it, even if you don't have the materials or express need to do it right now - that you want to do outside of your usual realm. There is always something out there beyond the realm of your expectations, and that might just jump-start you to go on to even greater things.

And, as an aside, if you go to Barnard or Columbia, look out for a knitting study break in a few weeks - we are going to do some de-stress activities and hopefully get everyone knitting as a way of taking your mind off of finals. Let me know if you're interested in coming!

I am trying out a new weekly blog post schedule - I enjoyed writing a daily blog post this month, so I think I want to keep that up, just with a little more structure in the coming months. Stay tuned for some interesting posts to come!