5 Myths About Leadership to Bust

1. You have to be loud/extroverted/good at socializing.

2. You have to "know it all."

3. You can't ask for help.

4. You can't express weakness/stress.

5. You always are in your leadership role.

Got any leadership myths to add to this list? Leave 'em in the comments!

Notes from the ELLA Retreat

Check out the Sadie Nash Leadership Project by clicking on the image above!

Whenever I get out of the city, I feel a mild distress - I'm missing so much! I have so much work! - but upon arriving at the ELLA fellowship retreat location (a kindly staffed but rather creepy church in White Plains), that feeling began to gradually ease back.

I had planned for disappointment about this fellowship. The decision announcement deadline had passed and I didn't get any 'yay' or 'nay,' so I sent off a shy follow-up email. It was like easing off a Band-Aid; I knew that my disappointment would heal, but I had wanted it so badly. Imagine my surprise when I received a prompt reply: they had misplaced my application! They wanted to do a phone interview! The next day. And their retreat was on Saturday, so could I make that?

Needless to say, I received the fellowship and had to race away this weekend, packing a small backpack for the night. My project - on connecting Asian American social justice activists and youth online - was added to the melange of projects on everything from surviving police brutality to resisting gentrification through public art.

But as much as I was happy and excited, I still found myself nervous cleaning our kitchen late the night before. My thoughts went on the familiar track: would I have enough time and was my project good enough and when would I finish all my homework!? I feel confident now, but would I be in a few months?

When the newly minted fellows got to our rooms in the mildly-Exorcist-reminiscent church with its tiny low-lit rooms, we approached each other very cautiously. By the end of the first day, we were bonded in worksheets and sharing the struggles that our projects hoped to address. By the next night, we were already making plans to hang out beyond that weekend. Why was I nervous again?

I love meeting down folks and learning new skills, so it's a wonder. The Band-Aid had already come off. But I also owe my regeneration at least in part to being out of the city - I could eat shepherd's pie till my stomach burst and not have to care about cleaning dishes afterward. There weren't any meetings that I had to run too after the long day was supposed to be 'done.' Although it's a cliche, the tense energy of my city life wicked itself away even after just a night away. And most excellent, my kitchen is spotless.

An Image from the Womensphere Emerging Leaders Global Summit

(Photo credit: Bernie DeChant via ToshiReagon.com)

There were so many amazing discussions and questions that were brought up at the Womensphere conference last week (some of which I encapsulated in quote form last Saturday), but I want to share today one of the earliest and most impacting images I took away from the conference: 200+ women in business clothes standing up and singing together at the prompting of Toshi Reagon.

After the opening remarks by the conference organizer, Analisa Balares, Toshi was the first guest she brought out. As you can imagine at 9am in the morning, most of us were still groggily saying our hellos to our tablemates and talking about traffic. Little did we know about our upcoming musical debut.

The room stood slowly. There were some early adopters who had bounced up out of their seats, clapping and smiling, while there were those who remained seated for the entire time. We all still sung in somewhat timid voices, not ready to speak above the rest, not at this early juncture where we had all just come together.

I won't blame this timidity entirely on internalized sexism or the incongruity it held with the idea of "professionalism" purported by these high academic conferences. No, I believe that the restraint employed by many of the women (myself included) was simply due to the fear of stepping into a different form of leadership.

Inspiration from Womensphere

As I mentioned on the past two posts, I attended the Womensphere Emerging Leaders Summit this week, whose theme was Creating the Future. I left the conference feeling truly honored to have listened to these amazing women speakers who are all doing great work in their fields. Here are a few of the many inspiring quotes that I took down throughout the the first day of the conference (click on any of their names for more information about the women behind the words):

"One of your biggest weapons is the sound of your voice." - Toshi Reagon

"A crisis is a terrible thing to waste." - Michele Wucker

"There is no substitute for shared experiences." - Angela Leaney

"Leadership is not a part-time job." - Angela Leaney

"It's important to be comfortable with discomfort." - Lisa Shalett

"You have all this runway in front of you. What are you going to do with it?" - Susan Tardanico

"I got put on this earth as a woman. I don't want to be a man. I want to be what I was put on this earth to be." - Madeline Nelson

"The legacy you live is the legacy you leave." - Virginia Ruesterholz

"Sometimes when people say 'no' really loudly, it tells you that you that it's a really good idea." - Keren Bergman

"You only really need to be 85% right." - Keren Bergman

"If you're feeling helpless, help someone." - Morley

"Being fearless is not an absence of fear." - Jacqueline Wales

Single Sex Education for Women & Girls (Re-Post)

This Thursday and Friday, I have the great privilege to be attending the Womensphere Emerging Leaders Summit (of which I'll be writing a solid retrospective next week), so rather than suspend posting, I'll be putting up two of my favorite posts from the past about women, leadership, and busting stereotypes. Enjoy!

Last Friday, I spent several hours teaching 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade girls about body image in downtown Manhattan at Girls Prep Charter School. So this week I am weighing in on single sex education.

Going to Girls Prep, and talking to their amazing health teacher Lo (who is also a former Well Woman and hosts a foodie blog: The Amateur Chef of Brooklyn) has gotten me thinking about single sex education in a new way.

Previously, I never thought much of separate education for girls at such a young age. Sounds strange, doesn't it? I go to an all women's college, but I didn't give much thought to the idea for younger children. And, I must admit, I was converted pretty easily to the idea that Girls Prep was getting these girls ready to go into the world as women: they had strong personalities, were encouraged to pursue active and diverse activities, and got the opportunity to discuss issues in class that I did not confront until middle school.

As with all things, however, there are more complications to this story than allowing girls to flourish in an environment designed for their benefit. After speaking with Lo about the background of her program and single sex education itself, about a million questions formed in my head for every topic we discussed.

For instance, when is single sex education appropriate and when is it another challenge? While it appears to be useful in the elementary school or college context, should middle schools and high schools be single sex? How do you make sure you're not replicating the same hierarchies and stereotypes in an all-female school that you would see in a co-ed one? How do you manage or talk about the other influences that the children are getting from the outside world (yes, unfortunately, school is not the only place these girls are getting messages from)?

Overall, I believe that my experience at Girl's Prep showed me that women and girls really are being heavily influenced from a young age about their appropriate role. In a co-ed classroom, which I have experienced all my life (both as a workshop teacher and a student), girls are socialized to be demure and are complimented about their bodies/looks rather more often than their skills - that's the domain of boys' compliments. Single sex education definitely makes up for the treatment differential that I've seen in those classrooms because the teachers are really focused on the girls. The girls themselves also reciprocate by showing their true colors: they are sporty, loud, engaged, smart, silly, shy, loving, emotional, stoic, bossy, and so much more. But, most importantly, they are not just one thing. Unfortunately, they are often reduced to fitting one mold in co-ed classrooms.

But I also believe that it can't be done without some extreme commitment and serious planning. So, while Lo definitely gives her 100% to these girls, the same cannot be said for every all-girls school teacher in the country.

What do you think about single sex education? Where do you think the pitfalls are? The successes? Let me know!

You may also be interested in my opinion pieces Discrimination and Mixed Metaphors and my writings on feminist topics.