Showing posts with label archive posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label archive posts. Show all posts

Posts from Memory Lane: Having Tea with Your Inner Editor

Thursday, May 9, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire  or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!


I hate editing. Revision: I hate the thought of editing.

I'm actually quite good at editing itself. I was the smart English nerd who people called upon to edit their papers (and, although I didn't always have time, I would always do it). I like to tear apart sentence structure and re-work ideas and make things flow better. But when it comes to my own work, I recoil.

It just seems too gargantuan to me; starting to edit pages and pages of something that, unlike an academic essay or a short story, won't end for at least a hundred plus pages. And then there's the idea that "if it wasn't good the first time, why bother?" that takes a good kick to root out of there. And then there's the nervousness that, like an invisible presence, the audience is watching over my shoulder, expecting me either to dazzle or drop dead for their spectacle...

Contrary to what I just said, I think that the editing process is actually the most rewarding part of the work. The most taxing, of course, but the most rewarding. There's just a threshold (an action potential, one might say) that must be overcome in order to actually get into the meat of it. For me, the best way to generate that activity is not the most environmentally friendly: I print out a few pages of my pieces (or the whole thing, if it's short) and start marking them up with pen.

Of course, this is also coming from someone who most often writes out her essays by hand and then types them up - another form of forcing myself to edit - so I'm sure that you could probably do well by using Track Changes or something like that also. But I think there's something really neat about having the pages in front of you, physically, and re-ordering or re-structuring them as you move along.

So, what do you do when you're there? During the writing process, we're all about silencing that inner editor, stuffing them in a closet, or dropping them off a bridge. But somehow they must be revived and re-invited to the work when you get to this stage. I like to dissociate myself as much as possible from this person and pretend that I am editing someone else's paper or story. I read the work aloud. I get really vicious. I do things that my more vulnerable and delicate writer side would never do, just to see how it works. Some people call that a disorder, but I'd like to think of it as process.

And that brings me to my final point: process. I think we fear more than anything the idea of having to process something for so long. And creative work has to be processed far longer than essays and blog posts and even some life events. It has to gestate because what you wake up with one morning may not be the same as the next. Therein lies the sense of mystery and emergence in editing - new pieces show up uninvited, settle in, and you just have to integrate them, right then and there.

Be flexible. Invite your inner editor to sit down with you and have breakfast. Think about the possibilities and not the effort. It will come.

It always does.

Posts from Memory Lane: An Excerpt from "Flames"

Thursday, May 2, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire  or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!


"Long ago, in the sky just below the heavens, there were three flames. The flame of light, the flame of knowledge, and the flame of darkness. These flames were constantly competing, everyday light, knowledge, and darkness had a race. Light was the fastest and for half the day she would always beat darkness but when she got tired darkness overtook her for half the day. Knowledge was the slowest of the three and she would always think of a way to beat her sisters. She filled the minds of all the people on a planet she named Earth. This gave her the energy to beat her sisters for at least a bit of the time. They would constantly run and sometimes they even left their bodies to converse in their minds."

Long ago, in a house in Bellevue, Washington, there was a girl who wrote stories...

This is the first paragraph of a novel* that I wrote when I was 12 years old. It's in a document shelved in my computer files waiting for me to revive it in just such a fashion (see, my collecting brain does sometimes turn out to be, if not useful, then at least heartwarming!). It's about 18,500 words and its all about the story of a fight between the three "flames" introduced here and their attempt to keep the earth from destroying itself.

I always look back and think "wow, I was writing for all this time? I wrote all of those words when I was that young?" But then I realize I'm shortchanging young people, including my own young self. They can have amazing ideas and infinite time to execute them. We as older people just need to be encouraging of that. Not to pump myself up too much, but I feel like I've been writing all my life and have learned a lot from those early pieces.

There's one big thing that this piece teaches that's not about social commentary. It's about honesty. And mistakes. It's not beautiful writing up there, and sometimes it makes me cringe to read through parts of it. Nevertheless, I am addicted. In part because it's young me trying to communicate herself to the world. And in part because it's so straight up honest. That's something that I have tried very hard to pursue in my later writing - now crowded with all these ideas about form and style and theme. NaNoWriMo really helps me with that; it pushes me to put it all down on the page first. Because what does it matter if there are tons of mistakes and it doesn't sound good? It is the world inside my brain and I'm going to describe it for you, whether you like it or not.

After all, knowledge did win out.

*I say novel because I remember clearly thinking that this was long enough for a story to enter into novel territory - but if we're going on length, it's clearly not quite there yet, haha.

Posts from Memory Lane: The Cult Against Aging

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

Recently, though ill-advisably, I read Meg Wolitzer's The Ten-Year Nap. Though I knew that the novel might not be relatable to me on a personal level, I was hoping for some enjoyment and a look into other peoples' experienced reality. What I didn't expect to come away with was a feeling of utter dread at the idea of that most natural process: aging. 

Posts From Memory Lane: Fear, Sorrow, Anger, Hate - Unpeeling the Layers

Thursday, April 25, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

One of the most important lessons that I took away from yoga class was the idea of layers. At that time in my life, I was angry a lot - misguided anger, unlike the kind I prize today that can generate change. I asked my yoga instructor about ways to deal with that anger, and she gave me a parable, as well as a lesson on where anger comes from.

Posts from Memory Lane: Digital Space and the Cornupia of Media

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!


I'm a TV minimalist. I don't really watch movies or TV shows except through Netflix when I desire either a marathon (or, as the Wall Street Journal puts it: a "TV binge") or a diversion with friends. Oh, and sometimes I'll be found watching stand-up comedy.

When I think of media, however, I think about blogs and videos and online content of other types. I think of books and articles and photographs and art. I don't know whether that makes me more of a snobby academic type or a youngin' whose more plugged into the Youtube than the newspaper or cable TV. But either way, it means that I definitely spend a lot of time online.

And I'm not sorry.

Posts from Memory Lane: Sifting Through Old Papers...

Thursday, April 18, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

Sometimes, I get into a special fever where I need to organize my papers and/or computer files. Right that instant. Even if there's something else more important going on, I just can't tear myself away from this organizing task. And woe to the person who tries to interrupt me in my quest.

I recently got into one of these manic moods and started reorganizing my computer folders. Needless to say, things had been piling up. Labels were all out of wack. There were things from high school in the college folder and tufts of Word documents that had no proper place, just floating in my less-than-infinite computer memory. And there too, amidst all the debris, were the glowing embers of The Past.


Posts from Memory Lane: How Feminists Can (and Should) Use Righteous Anger

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

In the newspaper while I was in Bangladesh, a health official claimed that women who requested maternity leave would just "keep on making more babies" and that they should just leave their jobs because it wasn't what they needed to be doing anyway. They were, as he put it, baby-making machines. As you can imagine, we were more than a little upset.

From this article, my sister and I had a (loud) conversation over lunch about how feminism looks in Bangladesh. We know how sexism looks, clearly, but what about the response to it?


Posts from Memory Lane: Pursuing the Spiritual

Thursday, April 11, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

I was never told to be Muslim.

I grew up in a particularly secular household with a smattering of Christmas and Easter, though until only very recently, I didn't know their religious significance. During my teenage years, I fashioned myself to be an existentialist - though I still held onto agnostic beliefs at that time, so I guess I wasn't a straightforward one. When I finally chose to participate more in my ethnic heritage and culture, I found myself gravitating towards Islam in a way that made me feel calm and correct. It knit some of my spiritual beliefs together and also felt appropriate given my Bengali background.


Posts from Memory Lane: Why Analysis is a Form of Love

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

I love video games. And televised sports. And stand-up comedy. And any other number of media goodies that can be watched, heard, read, or played. But, what I don't love is the continued sexism and racism that I see in these media forms.

More often than not, I find myself unconsciously analyzing any media I take in - for instance, how much camera time a black tennis player got in comparison to a white tennis player during Wimbledon - and pointing out the critique. I'm not exactly silent about these observations, but for some people that takes away from the experience. They think I'm "reading too much into it," or I'm "taking away from the fun/action." Basically, they tell me to keep my comments to myself as much as possible.

Posts from Memory Lane: Generalist Blogger's Life

Thursday, April 4, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire  or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

 
I always wondered what it would be like to be a subject blogger. To host one of those blogs that had a label attached to it - J's fashion blog or her social justice blog or whatnot. And while I've participated in those projects before, I always come back to this generalist platform that I loosely call a personal creativity blog, but really focuses on everything from activism to understanding the self.

Posts from Memory Lane: Voices in My Head

Thursday, March 28, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire  or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!
 

After reading a good book (or even a not-so-good one) for a period of time, I take on the tone and attitude of the narrator for a few hours afterward. Does anyone else have this happen to them? I think of it as being overcome by that person's presence and finding myself thinking thoughts and speaking and moving in the manner that I imagine they would.

It's nothing short of bizarre.

Posts from Memory Lane: The Anxious Blogger

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

No one wants to read a blog about writing.

At least, that was the advice that I got from the plentiful 'blogging gurus' available in articles written online for those who are just starting out. As a result, I shifted my focus away from things like Friday Fiction and writing advice towards more general pieces and, though it was true that I enjoyed being able to branch out and not get all meta-narrative about the creative process, it also caused me to start having anxiety when I did want to write about writing. Was it a taboo topic? Was no one going to read it?

I think this is where you can say that I became beholden to the reader. I wanted to make my blogging more marketable and palatable, regardless of whether there were 200 people reading it or 2. Somewhere along the line it just got to be about readership rather than idea creation and spontaneous publication. And almost everything else felt more freeing.


Posts from Memory Lane: Some Lessons I've Learned About Self-Image While Drawing

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!


My favorite drawing subjects are people. I like to draw faces and bodies; shaded grey pencil drawings surrounded by pen and full colored pencil images in all sorts of poses. Throughout my Basic Drawing class, I focused heavily on drawing different parts of peoples' bodies - legs floating in mid-air or a torso completely detached from its limbs. And if there's one major non-technique related thing I've learned while drawing from life, it is this: it is a combination of what your eyes are seeing and what your mind interprets.

That is a highly critical point. It means that, no matter how much I try to draw "objectively," I will still carry with me all the interpretations/biases that I have when doing anything else. And that includes body image perceptions.

Posts from Memory Lane: The Myth of the "Real" World

Thursday, March 21, 2013

These posts were written during the summer while I was in Bangladesh, in preparation for the upcoming academic year. Long story short: when I looked back at the archive, I didn't have the desire  or the time to put them up. But now, since I'm coming back to the blog, I decided that some of them aren't half bad. Read on!

While in college and while anticipating going abroad, I have often heard of people seeking "the real world." The idea always confused me, though I knew exactly what they were referring to. The "real world" was a place (at least for people in college) where people had jobs and didn't have the opportunity to goof around and learn anything they liked. It was a place that required a lot of responsibility and where you had less fun than you were having now, so you better soak it up while you could!

Likewise, while getting ready to leave the country, I met another type of "real world" seeker - the one that was looking for the "authentic" experience of "gritty reality." Maybe this was because I was not going to a country in Europe or North America (though we often leave Mexico out of that equation), but people seemed to believe that the world out there was more "real" than theirs because in some ways it held less privileges and had more hardships to navigate. Something about that made it more real.

These ideas always bothered me. What was less "real" about the experiences we were having now? That's when I realized that these people were using real to mean something entirely different than I thought it meant - they were using real to mean "privileged." They just didn't want to say it that way.