Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Elissa came over to my house today and we baked a cake for the French party tomorrow (we took pictures before it's eventual demolition - it's supposedly a buche de Noel, mais il n'est pas tout rien!)

Apart from that, today was spent mainly working on projects and watching boys yell at a television screen. Oh! And also listening to/watching a DUI Drill done by the Bellevue Fire Department. It was actually quite well orchestrated, with student actors who simulated a car crash and some very impressive speakers - though this was not the intended effect, it really made me want to write.
Personally, for myself, I will never drink, and I will definitely be the 'designated driver' should that be called for. But I definitely encourage these presentations and believe that it's really important to understand the consequences (on a side note, the one thing that got me really agitated was the screaming... for some reason I just can't take that).

In other news... I kind of started getting scared about college last night.
I stayed up for an hour, just sitting in my bed and completely freaking out about the future; I thought about how much I would miss my home and my parents and my boyfriend and... gah! I just forgot all the things that makes college great - like new friends, pre-college kids, the City, and amazing classes/clubs/sports. I was about to call someone and talk to them (in the middle of the night, I know), but then I realized. It's going to happen regardless.
So, I decided, it's useless to worry about the future because we can only affect the here and now. I breathed in all the positives I just listed about college and tried to breathe out all the negativity about change... Just breathing helped me calm down. I thought about how hard the separation will be, but, again, I realized that I can just call (or text or email) and those people will be there - it's been that way since I was little, why would it be any different? Besides, I finally remembered that I will be doing a lot of actual work in college, not just lazing around and missing people (surprise, surprise!).
I don't think this feeling is uncommon - in fact, I think it's way too common, and that's why I was shocked when I felt claustrophobic and scared. I was truly scared. But now, I just have to keep thinking one day at a time; we think too much in the future and do not focus so much on the now. Today is a miracle, tomorrow will be great, and the next day... well, I will make great. That is all I have to say.

I am grateful for...
Small signs of affection. Sometimes a little goes a long way, hehe.

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