There Is...

Saturday, May 10, 2008

There is something delicately strange in giving up everything.
When you feel that your life is going down the shithole and you're just struggling to climb on top of the pile and flee before it is 'too late.' There's some thin membrane there, something that buoys you up from the wave of all these crazy things.
I believe that it grows over time, this trampoline force which bounces you back onto your living room floor to start planning and scheming again. All the past rages and depressions and deep deep apathies which people string together like ghastly-lit pearls - they're all just part of the building. To weather through the storm more than once can either shatter you or make you stronger. Wouldn't we all prefer the latter?
I'm not sure why I'm posting like this; I'm not depressed and nothing is going on to make me feel insane. Maybe it's just the slow breath of the world, the influence of all those friends and not-friends who are struggling together and trying instead to make their lives a little less gloomy.
Maybe my life right now is fine enough. And maybe I'm just noticing the brevity of it.