Places to Leave

This week, I have a piece out in CultureStrike on transnational adoption. It’s a very personal piece and it took a lot of work to put together (thanks, Michelle!) so please give it a read. Now, back to the action.

A mala (floral necklace) made of red roses, orange and yellow accent flowers.

I’ve left a lot of places this month. Since I last wrote here, I’ve been living out of suitcases traveling to different family homes across Dhaka and across Bangladesh. New Year’s came and went. My father came and went. While he was here, we knit together his partner’s family and ours through a series of dinners and celebrations. Car ride after car ride after car ride – no wonder my stomach got upset and took me out of commission for a few days at the end!

It’s been a real honor to meet with so many new faces and travel to places I have not yet seen, but adjusting back to the quiet of everyday life has been its own delicious treat. I’ve been thinking (and reading) a lot about emotional labor and am working on a much larger piece chronicling some of those thoughts and feelings. But that’s all for later. For now, I leave you with some selected photos and images from my various trips.

My father (in a suit) and Raina (in a bright pink sari) seated and smiling with red and white malas.

Me and two friends laughing.

Meeting everyone in our Kushtia village - many people and children gathered around plastic chairs in our courtyard.

A bunch of mohish (water buffalo) on the shores of the Padma at Raita Ghat (a landing spot made by the British for boats to dock)

A kukur (dog) looking back at my camera as I take a picture of rice paddies in Noakhali.

Plants in red pots lined up against a wall at Noakhali Science and Technology University.

Two young children on stools looking deep in thought as they sit next to a pukur (pond) in Noakhali.

Tiny Heroes

When you're a kid, you cherry-pick the best stories about your family to make them seem grand.

I'm still seduced by the tales of immediate family having hijacked trains and defected from the army, given the first contraception lessons in the village or immigrating across multiple continents. As a result, some of my own life goals are patterned in the same way. Fascination with mastering practical skills? There. Calling to work in crisis management? Check. Pressure to learn more than three languages? On the list. (My sister, on the other hand, prefers to sleep.)

Despite my best efforts, I am still a macro-planner at heart. To use Zadie Smith's metaphors, I do not build a narrative linearly, and that includes the narrative of my life. When I unravel and cast on yet another string of words, I can see this constructed family is a holdover from learning about them relatively late. As an adoptee, I only had the benefit of hearing these stories far after they had become legend. And I have been writing about them ever since. Sometimes they come as ghosts and narrators in my fiction, but most of the time they come as incomplete thoughts in my journals that I never get around to fleshing out.

What are we to do with these pieces of our stories that do not knit up tightly? My father has always talked to me about the shape of things: you have the contours, so the details will fill themselves in. This goes for everything from filing taxes to building a writing career. His own immigration story embodies this - there were no certainties but for the shape of "coming to America." Only in retrospect does it look like a smooth transition from the "First Boy" in the village to the expatriate Bangladeshi man on the far side of the United States. Taking his example as I pass through this transitional time post-grad, I can also see that some things will eventually get smoothed out in the re-telling.

Instead of heroics, I've lately been performing skillful surgery on bell peppers and embarrassing myself in front of teenagers. Most of my heroism is exhibited in providing a listening ear and a plate of food. I remember how quiet and undervalued this work has become. How the best part of my family's stories are not always the grandest ones, but the ones that continue to unfold. My Amma acting as matriarch of the family, finely dicing onions on the bhoti. My cousin celebrating a new baby. These are the mundane triumphs that set me to my pen each day writing and re-writing stories about caregivers and South Asian women - groups of tiny heroes that in my life often overlap.

Counternarrative: Thanksgiving Edition

Thanksgiving is a day to eat. Thanksgiving is a day to spend time with family and friends - and to eat. To overeat, even. To express the bounty of our labor in as grandiose a way as possible.

No matter how many times we are told that Thanksgiving has a different and deeper meaning, these are the images we return to in our advertising of Thanksgiving and its aftermath, Black Friday. There is - as with all US holidays - an inherent layer of consumerism that pervades all the nice feelings that we might think about the holiday itself. There is also a glossing over of the people who are less privileged on Thanksgiving and the Native Americans who were actively displaced historically, though they are linked to this holiday.

Today I want to draw attention to these points. Before we make merry, we have to think critically about the choices we make in regards to our cultural celebrations. We are making active choices to participate in the culture, whether it seems like it or not, and that has to be explored. Thus, I am proud to introduce the first edition of Counternarrative: Thanksgiving.

*By the way, I am not a Thanksgiving hater, no matter how this post may make it seem. I just want to provide some context and thoughts on the ideas that are implicit in our participation in the holiday. As you were.

The Summer Broke Ope

So, it's been a crazy summer sojourn since I was last here - I have been out literally every day since school got out... it feels so strange that it was only two weeks ago, and yet every day has been so filled that it seems as if it were yesterday. Hmm.
I have put graduation itself into a Memoirian Highlight to incorporate the pictures (courtesy of Heathy!) and also one for Heathy's visit here - just so that each post isn't crazy long! Here are some other highlights though.

1. Finishing high school and meeting a cluster of bees outside my boyfriend's house the day we got out. Happy end of high school!
2. Picking up my family at the airport - Tiina, Uncle and Natalia have been here ever since the 18th.
3. Watching the pretty awesome Senior Highlights video at senior breakfast (and subsequently signing a silly number of yearbooks - everyone wanted a little piece before we all jumped off to the next lilypad; sadly, I don't think I put down very good yearbook entries, but just know that you will be remembered!)
4. Going to a bookmaking class: it was a 3 Saturday class and I made 3 pamphlet stitch books, 3 hardcover books (2 Coptic bound and 1 traditional hardcover book like you see in the bookstores). Since I found the awesome decorative paper that I bought during pre-college, it was great fun to actually use the stuff. I am totally going to get back into zines and bind a lot of stuff now - it's great fun! Also, I discovered that Seattlites hate Bellevue (something I already knew, but didn't intuit until we started talking about the jail and protesting, Gay Pride and other such things; it was pretty awesome to hear all the intriguing stories though - like crack being sold from an ice cream truck and traipsing about the best art supplies places in the area)
5. Picking up Heathy at the airport to complete our full set of house mayhem [7 people living in a house that usually houses 3 - fortunately, it's big enough that it wasn't too much of a burden, just "interesting" to have all those personalities conflicting in places like the shower and the kitchen...]
6. Meeting up with all of my good friends at Olive Garden for an explosive night of debauchery - Chels, Ka-chan, Heathy, Kita, Josh, Amanda, Natalia, and I sitting around a table laughing it up and then heading over to Sophia's house for a post-meal cooldown. The odd part of the evening was getting there and waiting for a table; we took two cars since there were so many of us (and Josh was jumping out of his seat to avoid my dad's glare...) and then there was an hour long wait, so we went to get fresh ice cream at the creamery nearby [so good - yet I did gain 1.8 pounds that week; I'm at 131 right now though, so it didn't dent me too much]. But once we were in, the food was good and filling and we all were compatible enough to not kill each other so I call it good. Ka-chan, Chels and I went to get makeup at Bartells following Sophia's house and had an interesting time deciding whether I said 'peachy' or 'PG' - ah... the joke never dies.
7. Picking up my diploma the day after graduation and talking to Madame for the last time - she gave me a book and it was a nice goodbye. I didn't get to see Goldstein, yet I know our paths will cross again. All is well; I can leave Interlake in peace.
8. Separation anxiety when Heathy left - that same day, everyone traveled to Eastern Washington except me and I went to my bookbinding class all depressed... it just felt like the summer would be empty without her and without constant motion. Though it took me a few days, I did raise myself out of that slump. People make me happy, you know?
9. Hanging out with Sophia and Amanda in Seattle. Amanda got her first Dick's burger (another addict has been created!) on Broadway and we went to Bailey/Coy Books and all over Broadway. Then we went to Volunteer Park and there was a random crane in a tree! It was totally awesome and it flew down and we chased it with cameras (and I hung up on Kita out of excitement to go follow it... ehe...) Overall, it was a really relaxing day and a nice goodbye celebration for 'Manda since she left for China on July 4th (and Sophia leaves for Vietnam on Wednesday!).
10. Hearing from Charlotte. In Rome. She called me and we talked a bunch of girl talk and figure out our lives... the phone cut out just as we were getting to the recent news of Michael Jackson's death (I am really sad about that actually... I didn't realize how sad I would be until I started hearing his songs again and realized that there would be no more King of Pop. Along with the other celebrity deaths last week, that was definitely the worst moment...) The next time Charlotte and I contacted was on Facebook with messages - she's moving to Israel! It was a quick decision because of some problems with Seattle and UW and all that good stuff, but I think the move will do her good and give her an exciting lifestyle (and me an excuse to go to the Middle East - yes!) She's the real light in my sky sometimes; she inspires me and helps me out with my problems at the same time. Love.
11. Having Ka-chan come back from California! Everyone had left, and then they returned. She had a great time from what I can tell, everything was exciting and interesting while things here were pretty chill as well [albeit, a lot of problems did arise with the relationship] When she came back, we hung out hardcore with Molly in Seattle, traveling once again to Broadway and sorting out our problems with retail therapy and talk. I bought a gold scarf from Red Light and need to learn how to wear it with flare, so to speak. Haha. I stayed over at Molly's place and watched Bridget Jones' Diary as she napped, then we went out for late night food in Beacon Hill and heard about crazy ladies crying "SATAN!" across the street... ah, Seattle.
12. Spending time with Sophia in her final days before leaving for Vietnam - she, Josh and I watched Public Enemies last night and it was really interesting (crazy confusing at times, but since I was reading Gunsmith Cats and have always been sort of a shooter fan, it was a lot of fun) We went into Barnes and Noble and now I totally want to buy Bonk by Mary Roach so I can learn about the neuroscience of sex - did I mention that I've been enticed almost entirely to the nonfiction section lately? It's so weird... Oh, and shrimp pizza is awesome. One of those things that you don't appreciate till you try it. Trading clothes with Sophia at her house and finding really cute tops to steal - ahaha. I got my first pair of leggings from her and I think they're pretty awesome; not yet sure how comfortable I'll feel walking around in them.
13. And that brings us to the final! The lucky 13! Or maybe unlucky, I don't know... But, other than all the actions that are going on right now in my life, there are some interesting intentions going on as well. As I type, I am hoping that my dad will let me go on vacation with Josh to the Grand Canyon (yes, he's actually considering it! I'm overjoyed). So here's to knocking on wood, making wishes on your birthday time, and crossing fingers because tomorrow will determine the fates.

And... that's what's going on! Whew... that was a lot. One of the first things that I didn't mention was that I saw Ka-chan graduate the Friday before I did; it was amazing and her speech was inspiring (she didn't stutter once and, even though we didn't work on our speeches together, our themes were pretty similar) I saw Chels for the first time in months too! And Waymon and I randomly traveled to Snoqualmie Falls! We've been hanging out a lot more together out of total and utter boredom... Oh! And I got my IB Diploma - yesterday actually - which is rad. I get my credits and am going to college with them! TAKE THAT!