Sometimes I love the nervous energy. It fills me up with the ability to succeed, but it can also take it away in a snap. I'm not going to post any pictures until after the show because all of my creative energy seems to be unintentionally drawn to it. Instead, I am going to write a Letter to Self and hope that satisfies. Enjoy!
Dear J,
Oh, I know we've been through this all before, but I believe that there is merit in repetition. Let your soul breathe for a second. Take a deep breath deep into your chest and make everything blossom again. Let all the little words that you've said to yourself that keep you going rise up, and the negative ones, the ones that say you can't do it, sink to the bottom and disappear.
I am here with a mission. Not just to work, but to play hard and feel beautiful. To know, to understand, to create. I am here with a purpose that we can see clearly. I will finish this.
Living in the future, living for the future, perhaps it is not the greatest of ideals. I cannot deny that you are working well in the moment, rolling with the punches, but if you invested yourself even more deeply into this moment, what do you think would happen? Perhaps you would explode with all the pent up energy. Or perhaps you would learn to soar.
Either way, it's fine with me. These days and ways will pass as soon as we are capable. Let the air drag you in and out, let the breath draw you. And in the poetry of our subtext, the stuff under all the daily happenings, maybe there we will find the softness and the passion that people always seem to seek.
You are gorgeous and wonderful and sweet. You are going to do great things, save yourself, laugh with humiliation, embrace, pretend that you're embarrassed, and fail with grace. It will take a long time for you to accept that you're not just a bunch of negative space; and it will take an even longer time for you to touch that inner beauty. But we're taking baby steps right now, the little feet shuffling movements that get you into that beautiful future - with best friends on your side.
Take me away with you, when you are ready to fly,
J
