Exquisite Intentions

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Heathy and I have been palling around the mud huts for days now, and it is quite entertaining and also quite infuriating. Mainly because of things that are out of our control. Like money, trains, and clothing sizes.
It's interesting to be here, in the same house [which has been vastly improved, I would say, cleanliness-wise] and with the same things breathing down our necks. I had a strange stitch of wanting for home yesterday night, thinking about how clutter in my house to this magntude would probably send me seizuring but how it seems to be improvement here. I got particularly repulsed by the kitchen - which just disturbs me because of the rotting fruit. But it's not like this place is bad, it's just that I am a sort of clean freak (didn't know that until just recently - I literally wanted to start mucking out the pots and pans).
On the other side of it, the money is still a constant problem in Heathy's house. And her parents are really good at putting stuff off so that there is less money and more hassle later on - similar to our government. But that, I think, is a character flaw. As well, the town is a hard sell for me. People and location are the equivalent of my worst nightmare: clique-ish, suburban, and horridly dry at times.
However, this bitching has just been wallowing in my stomach lately without outlet. It's hard not to be optimistic here because of Heathy's personality of intense idealism. Though she gets sad at times, I admire her strength in feeling ok about living here. For myself, it makes me appreciate my own city and situation - and want to improve upon it by saving cash.
Next year will be another year of figuring out who I am. This year [as I talk to myself in that strange way, as if I were an outsider in my own head-office] we have found out my interests, weaknesses, needs for improvement, strengths, and malfunctions. Next year, it will be time for us to take this information to the next level and really bring me out into the open. I feel much less scared than when I started this blog [which, although it was not that long ago, I can read back and see exactly how hard it was for me to open up].
For now, it's back to the living with love in our hearts and idealism in our heads - a new but startlingly interesting subject for me.