I’m no good at celebrations.
Most of the time, I’m
skipping forward to goal-setting for the next project – my to-do lists are all
in future tense. When I wrote a post on rituals, it was really me creating a
resource for myself to go back to whenever I feel like I’ve been speeding up
time. But New Year’s comes with a mandate that I should be reflective and sit
still for a second. There are no more moments that will be labeled “2013,” so
even if it’s not a comfortable ritual, it’s all over pop culture.
For the past five
years, I have received a daily affirmation email from a listserv I joined when
I was still in high school. Most of the time, they’re generic encouragements
that are sent out to the entire listserv, but sometimes there’s a little
interjection where whatever you put in when you first signed up (a goal and a
state of being, if I remember correctly). For a long time, I did not remember
what I had written in; after all, it had been multiple years and I couldn’t
imagine where my mindset was in high school. But one day I saw them: my goal
was to write every day and my state of being was to craft an artistic and
personal style.
A friend of mine
recently called me an “aggressive optimist,” and I stand by that, even while I
am critiquing any number of social systems. When you work in social movements,
whether through direct action or the production of art and ideas, you’re always
working towards a future state. You may never see it come to fruition, but you believe
that it will come. When you put an
intention out into the universe, it is much the same. No matter what form it
appears in, I believe it comes back to you. And when I read what my high school
self had in mind for me, it reminded me that some part of our past selves comes
forward in every future possibility. So while I may be writing in the future
tense, I am always calling upon the loving ghosts of the past.
In 2014, I want to draw
upon the past to know how I can better serve others in the future. And I want
to give myself permission to live in the present. For me, that means applying
some of that optimism and intentionality to my day-to-day activities. It means
that no matter where I am or where I am going, I trust that this is where I need
to be.
So that gets us back to
celebrating.
This New Year’s, I am
going to quietly celebrate all the life that is to come. I’m 22 and I’ve not
yet published a novel – don’t tell my
14-year-old self! – but I’m making good on my writing career. I’m a college
graduate that doesn’t yet have a plan for the future, but I’m not yet cynical. I
don’t think my artistic and personal style can be anything but evolving, but it
has become much more defined. And my passion for social justice work is even
more fiery than before.
What parts of you are
still growing this year? What parts of you do you feel deserve celebrating? Let
me know via Twitter @thecowation.
