Waiting On a Sense of Peace

Saturday, July 20, 2013

It's been a full month since I've posted, and I've been aching.

I feel like I've slowed in working on all the projects that began so promisingly in June; so much steam has been lost, not because I haven't been thinking about them, but because of life circumstances that have made it nearly impossible to spend the time, care, and attention necessary to make them shine. I have been thinking, planning, and even writing posts and updates, but something always gets in the way.

Some good: I started a new, fulfilling (and draining) job. Some terrible: a crisis in housing that has forced me to pick up and live out of suitcases for the upcoming month. And some just the season: it's hot in New York and it's Ramadan, so I may have low energy levels and don't want to push it.

I think that it's a funny to feel guilt at not producing anything when no one is looking over your shoulder - I am bossing myself, though no one else would ever come down nearly as hard on me. I want to write about activism and fasting, healing spaces, participatory learning, expressions of community anger... and yet what I come up with are yawning posts about how hard it is to keep energy afloat when you are transitioning out of an unsafe living situation. It feels like I should be going that extra distance to make something good out of hardship, but I often just choose to sleep.

I am waiting on a sense of peace. If the last week is any indication, my journey is not over. Though I wish I could be active in the process, my security for now is determined mostly on patience. And my creativity, consequently, must follow the same rules.

In the coming weeks, I'll have a little more to say, but bear with me for now as I make these important transitions.