A weekend ago, I pulled out my folding table and declared it a
"weekend of silence." I wanted to focus on my writing and have some
introvert time, which is hard to come by in my life. Particularly as
someone who is often caregiving for others to the max -- I mean, do you know what
it means to be on call and go to a client at 4am after being awake
until 2am? -- carving out space for myself sometimes feels impossible.
And yet I still think I have it easy in comparison to my clients with
their new babies and people I work with who have to hustle even harder
than I do. There are always people who have to do more with less and are
routinely more badass than I am about it.
But those comparisons just remind me that protecting my time is immensely valuable. And I wanted to write about the topic because I am genuinely so bad at it.
This
post less an "if you just do these 5 things, you'll have all the time
you need" and more of a "here's a firm reminder that you need to protect
your time" no matter what you use it for. I tend to think that we all
bow to the pressures around us, fall off the horse and then get back on
it, wiggle around a little, fall off, get back, etc. And in some ways I
think that is really beautiful - it is a true opportunity to push
ourselves further.
I know that I have found a
process that works for me, after so many experiments. This past weekend,
I chose to listen to it fully (and that truly was a choice that had to
be made!)
On the first night, I revamped my
white board (really a green board). It used to just be a long long
laundry list of tasks that were very vague and most of the details were
kept in my head. So the first thing I did was get very specific. I gave
tasks a rating scale of how much effort they would need, and I put even
little things like 'email this person' up next to 'write an essay
draft'. It's now organized in 'To Do', 'Doing', and 'Done.' And it gives
my nerd heart a little thrill to watch as things move progressively
over to the right.
And then I just forgot about it.
I
tend to be that person who has to dump everything out of my head before
I can let go and make space for the real work to be done. If it is in
my head, it's buzzing. On the board, I can go sit at my folding table
and paint until the words come (and yes, I paint and knit and consider
it all part of my writing practice; doing something tactile really
settles me into that work).
The second morning,
I woke up without feeling anxious. Because I really did give myself
permission for whatever needed to happen to make my writing process feel
grounded. Intuition guided me to nap or to break out the sticky notes
or to change locations so I could focus better. I made sure that the
dishes were done and that all my materials were laid out in advance.
On
the third day, it was the eclipse. I chose to go be with people I care
about and watch it happen - historical event, you know? - but I also
drew the energy I needed. Social interactions for me can be draining or
they can refill my cup, the difference being the choice I made to
participate.
On the final night, my client
called me and that marked the end of my self-focused time. Back to the
world. But back to the world with the confidence that I could always
create that space again. Next weekend, next month - preferably not next
year! My next big step will be to take some concentrated time away to
take what I learned about my novel this weekend and flesh it way out.
For now, here was my board at the end of the weekend:
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